Death of my 16 yr old daughter Shannon

[Susie_q512]

My name is Susan. My daughter, Shannon, was killed instantly in an automobile accident on Tuesday, September 20, 2011. She was a perfectly healthy teenager who was full of life and love and laughter. She had just celebrated her 16th birthday in June. I hugged her goodbye, told her I loved her, and told her to be careful driving to her babysitting job....approximately 3 minutes later, about a mile from our home, she lost control of her vehicle and crossed into the path of an oncoming vehicle. (She was not texting or using her phone at the time of the accident.) She was t-boned on the passenger side of her vehicle, and she died instantly from massive head injury. There were other injuries, but they have not released the details, nor have I asked. I have another daughter, Ragan, who buried her baby sister the day before her 19th birthday...how sad. My husband of 20 years has been battling a very rare and incurable form of cancer for the past 3 years, and probably only has a few years more here with us. I do not understand why God allowed this to happen considering we were already dealing with my husband's illness. I was blind-sided by this event. I believe that I have been in shock since arriving at the accident scene. I have not yet broken down nor experienced the unbearable pain that I am sure awaits me at some point. I have been told that shock can last several weeks. I do feel an incredible sense of loss and sadness. I have very close relationships with both my daughters, but Shannon and I shared an unusually close bond. She considered me her best friend. She was my precious daughter, but also a friend to me. It hasn't been 3 weeks yet, but already I feel her absence....it seems like its been forever since I have hugged her, laughed with her, heard her sweet voice....I cannot imagine life without her, nor bear the question of how long I must wait to be reunited with her sweet spirit. People keep asking what I need or what they can do to help me, and I appreciate their kindness, but what I need and want is to have my daughter back here with me. I have been told that adjusting to the "new normal" can take years to achieve, and at this moment I can't see ever being normal again. I keep thinking, "I don't understand why this has happened." In truth, I don't understand...I will probably never understand. I have only felt anger once and it was brief. The anger I felt was for my daughter Ragan. It's not right that she should lose her baby sister and her dad before she's 22 years old. Most people never experience this magnitude of loss until they are much older. My heart hurts for my loss, but truly breaks for Ragan's loss. I don't know how to help her through this. She was at the accident scene and is probably still in shock like me. My husband was already in such a weakened state prior to the accident, and he is so devastated that I do not see him recovering....I see this speeding up the disease process in his body... and as much as I hate to admit it, I am jealous that he has cancer, because he gets to leave this life and be with Shannon....how many years must I wait to leave this world and join her in the next? I have no choice but to continue living as I cannot leave Ragan to face life alone. Nothing feels "right". It's as though life itself should have stopped at the very moment Shannon passed from this life to the next. I try to take comfort in knowing that she is in a better place, far removed from the cares and worries of this life, and I believe that her spirit visits us...that she is still around us...but I so desperately want her back. I am hoping that this site will help me through this terrible process of grief and loss, but at the moment, I feel hopeless. I am so sorry that there has to be an avenue to help others who have experienced this loss....it's not right that a parent should ever have to bury their child. Shannon had goals and dreams. She wanted the fairy-tale romance and wedding. She wanted to be a mom, and she would have been a great mom! She wanted to take care of me in my old age. Her short life impacted so many in such a positive way. There were around 700 people at her service, hundreds went to the graveside, and a few hundred more were unable to attend. She loved and was loved by many. Always smiling and laughing. Always the encourager...the one to pick you up and make you smile when you were sad. She was a great friend to everyone...never met a stranger. She was compassionate and tenderhearted. She would always sing, and she really did have an amazing voice. She loved her friends, family and animals. Just a few weeks before her death she had been allowed to adopt a puppy from the local shelter. She named her puppy Lexi. Lexi is now my puppy and a valued little treasure to have. She had a boyfriend who adored her and is devastated by losing her. She was our "ray of sunshine" and she's gone. I miss her so very much, and do not know how to live in a world without her.

[shorty16]

Susan,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful 16 year old daughter Shannon. I too lost a 16 year old son in a auto crash, a completely preventable auto crash on 6-19-2008.

How do we do it? - At first, it is one breath or one minute at a time. Also, please be kind to yourself and do not think too much into the future. Think right here and now. The future will work itself out in time.

I post on the thread "Loss of an Adult Child" Even though Brian and Shannon were not adults, we are accepted without quesiton.

Please drink plenty of water and eat/sleep when you can. And tell us about your daughter, we care.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[sadmomm]

My name is Susan. My daughter, Shannon, was killed instantly in an automobile accident on Tuesday, September 20, 2011. She was a perfectly healthy teenager who was full of life and love and laughter. She had just celebrated her 16th birthday in June. I hugged her goodbye, told her I loved her, and told her to be careful driving to her babysitting job....approximately 3 minutes later, about a mile from our home, she lost control of her vehicle and crossed into the path of an oncoming vehicle. (She was not texting or using her phone at the time of the accident.) She was t-boned on the passenger side of her vehicle, and she died instantly from massive head injury. There were other injuries, but they have not released the details, nor have I asked. I have another daughter, Ragan, who buried her baby sister the day before her 19th birthday...how sad. My husband of 20 years has been battling a very rare and incurable form of cancer for the past 3 years, and probably only has a few years more here with us. I do not understand why God allowed this to happen considering we were already dealing with my husband's illness. I was blind-sided by this event. I believe that I have been in shock since arriving at the accident scene. I have not yet broken down nor experienced the unbearable pain that I am sure awaits me at some point. I have been told that shock can last several weeks. I do feel an incredible sense of loss and sadness. I have very close relationships with both my daughters, but Shannon and I shared an unusually close bond. She considered me her best friend. She was my precious daughter, but also a friend to me. It hasn't been 3 weeks yet, but already I feel her absence....it seems like its been forever since I have hugged her, laughed with her, heard her sweet voice....I cannot imagine life without her, nor bear the question of how long I must wait to be reunited with her sweet spirit. People keep asking what I need or what they can do to help me, and I appreciate their kindness, but what I need and want is to have my daughter back here with me. I have been told that adjusting to the "new normal" can take years to achieve, and at this moment I can't see ever being normal again. I keep thinking, "I don't understand why this has happened." In truth, I don't understand...I will probably never understand. I have only felt anger once and it was brief. The anger I felt was for my daughter Ragan. It's not right that she should lose her baby sister and her dad before she's 22 years old. Most people never experience this magnitude of loss until they are much older. My heart hurts for my loss, but truly breaks for Ragan's loss. I don't know how to help her through this. She was at the accident scene and is probably still in shock like me. My husband was already in such a weakened state prior to the accident, and he is so devastated that I do not see him recovering....I see this speeding up the disease process in his body... and as much as I hate to admit it, I am jealous that he has cancer, because he gets to leave this life and be with Shannon....how many years must I wait to leave this world and join her in the next? I have no choice but to continue living as I cannot leave Ragan to face life alone. Nothing feels "right". It's as though life itself should have stopped at the very moment Shannon passed from this life to the next. I try to take comfort in knowing that she is in a better place, far removed from the cares and worries of this life, and I believe that her spirit visits us...that she is still around us...but I so desperately want her back. I am hoping that this site will help me through this terrible process of grief and loss, but at the moment, I feel hopeless. I am so sorry that there has to be an avenue to help others who have experienced this loss....it's not right that a parent should ever have to bury their child. Shannon had goals and dreams. She wanted the fairy-tale romance and wedding. She wanted to be a mom, and she would have been a great mom! She wanted to take care of me in my old age. Her short life impacted so many in such a positive way. There were around 700 people at her service, hundreds went to the graveside, and a few hundred more were unable to attend. She loved and was loved by many. Always smiling and laughing. Always the encourager...the one to pick you up and make you smile when you were sad. She was a great friend to everyone...never met a stranger. She was compassionate and tenderhearted. She would always sing, and she really did have an amazing voice. She loved her friends, family and animals. Just a few weeks before her death she had been allowed to adopt a puppy from the local shelter. She named her puppy Lexi. Lexi is now my puppy and a valued little treasure to have. She had a boyfriend who adored her and is devastated by losing her. She was our "ray of sunshine" and she's gone. I miss her so very much, and do not know how to live in a world without her.

[sadmomm]

I am Carrie I lost my son over a year a.d a half ago if is the saddest thing you ever will encounter .I am so sorry the shock will wear off and the anger will set in I guess everyone takes it a little different. But I haven't done to well.A huge hug to you reading the other moms thoughts and feeling.fa has been a great help and being able to post . But I have found not much helps I cry a lot and moan sometimes scream. Love to you family and especially to you.Carrie

[vslatina1010]

Susan,

First, I am so sorry for your loss and my heart and condolences go out to you, your daughter and husband. I can totally relate. Your story has mirrored mine almost exactly! Only I am a single parent who raised both my daughters by myself. My daughters and I were inseperable, we were 3 peas in a pod! It was always only us three my ONLY true loves. "Mi Palomita" translation "My Dove" as her name is Vanessa Paloma Simms was 19 when she passed on Sept 4, 2011. She was an honor student on her second year of college. She was a healthy vibrant young lady with "tons" her adored her. Her smile was simply contagious and she had no boundries she adored life and everyone. She had a heart of gold and she was the brightest ray of sunshine! Her memorial too, was packed beyond belief, with high school teachers, coaches, administrators, college administrators, professors, employers, co-workers, students etc. Everyone loved her! There was not a soul who did not love my child. My other daughter Alexa who is 25 is in total shock as well and having a hard time coping. My heart aches so much for them both. I raised them to be extremely close and always told them to get along and not fight with each other because they were all they had... each other!! On, Friday October 14, 2011 was the hardest it was her 20th birthday. We celebrated like she was still physically here. Then we had a candle lite ceremony at the town lake where she loved canoeing and adored the water... all in her honor and memory with friends and family and the release of 20 balloons. The celebration and ceremony was beautiful but in the inside i too was dying wishing all this nightmare and it would just go away!! I want my baby back!!!! Celebrating her 20th birthday was very painful I cried till i could cry no more... She too, left behind her adorable "weenie" dog named Jazzy. Which we all adore because she adored "her weenie Jazzy" she never left home without her she adored that dog... my other daughter and her boyfriend and myself have found somewhat of comfort with her beloved "weenie Jazzy" but to be honest... NOTHING will replace my baby girl!! I WANT HER BACK!! I too am in total disbelief and still in shock thinking at any time she will come thru that door struggling to get in with her kennel and Jazzy and yell "MOM, i'm home"!! Right now I'm Angry!!!! terribly angry at everyone!!!! even God for taking my baby!!! I have had a terribly, terribly hard time dealing with all this... I can sit here and write an entire novel...

Susan, I would love to talk to you... finally I think I have found someone who also can totally relate to me....I read your entire story and it seems we are dealing with all the same emotions...sadness, frustrations, anger, disbelief, shock, grieving with our very recent losses of both our daughters. Please call me... I'm Valeria (Val) Simms. Currently i'm in Austin, Texas with family I had just moved to Houston, Texas 1 month prior to Vanessa's passing. Right now I'm kinda between Austin and Houston. Please call me @ 512.507.2478 Maybe we can find sum comfort in dealing with our losses knowing that we as mothers are going thru some horrible painful emotions of losing a beloved child. My heart goes out to you... May God Bring you everlasting strength... Love, Val Please call me...

[sensitiveone]

I am Carrie I lost my son over a year a.d a half ago if is the saddest thing you ever will encounter .I am so sorry the shock will wear off and the anger will set in I guess everyone takes it a little different. But I haven't done to well.A huge hug to you reading the other moms thoughts and feeling.fa has been a great help and being able to post . But I have found not much helps I cry a lot and moan sometimes scream. Love to you family and especially to you.Carrie

Hello Carrie, my name is Carol and I lost a grandson two years ago, he was so sick that he just could not cope any more, he ended his own life. I to know the pain that one goes through although each of us suffers differently, the lose of a love one is devastating. I do want you to be comforted by knowing that there is a process that we all must go through when we lose someone in death. I have found huge comfort in the scriptures, having my questions answered, being assured that our heavenly Father did not "take" my grandson or any of our loved ones, I am sure that you have your own questions and if you let me know what they are I will be so happy to share with you what I have learned, I am very sure that it will comfort you and give you hope honey. You may call me or e-mail me carolmueller@live.com 513 807 0992 A warm and tender hug to you!

[sensitiveone]

I have some answers for you, I would like to send you a book that will help you and help you to help your family, it is a gift. Here is my e-mail address carolmueller@live.com. I lost a grandson two years ago and I know that the pain is terrific but I also know that there are comforting hopeful, answers, if we just know where to find them. Please endure and contact me so I can get your address or I can give you my phone number on line and you can call me .

[sensitiveone]

I have some answers for you, I would like to send you a book that will help you and help you to help your family, it is a gift. Here is my e-mail address carolmueller@live.com. I lost a grandson two years ago and I know that the pain is terrific but I also know that there are comforting hopeful, answers, if we just know where to find them. Please endure and contact me so I can get your address or I can give you my phone number on line and you can call me .