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Traumatically lost my mom and it’s too hard to deal


21Brokenhearted21

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21Brokenhearted21

On November 14,2021 my mother was killed in a hit in run in front of one of my older brothers and myself. I am shattered and don’t know how to move. I feel so hurt, broken and just EMPTY. She should be here. She was only 56. I go through her phone and see the plans she had for herself, she was young and full of life. Had the most beautiful smile.. I’m in disbelief still it hurts mostly because we lived together… she was supposed to see me get married, have children, grow old together and now only spiritually will she see it. I won’t hear her laughter, nor feel her warm embrace or even see the happy tears anymore and it HURTS sooo much… walking past her room, her spaces… not tasting her cooking, just not seeing her physically hurts… I truly could never be a better person than she, I’m not her and I only wish I was. I love you mommy!! I miss you mommy

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Wandering Soul

Hello, 21Brokenhearted21.

I'm so very sorry that you lost your mother - and to lose her in such a tragic manner, I can't even begin to say that I understand how that must feel.  I can only tell you that I understand what the loss of a parent feels like and you're right, it's a feeling of emptiness, hurt and deep sadness.  In this sense, you're not alone, but it will get better.  It takes time.  Your loss is so recent... allow yourself the time you need to grieve. There is no timeframe for this... we all grieve differently and for different lengths of time.

Your mother sounds like such a special person and I'm sorry to hear that her life was so senselessly cut short.  I hope for your family that there is some resolution to the crime committed.  Although catching the culprit will never bring your mother back, it may help in some little way.  

In the meantime, do your best to take care of yourself.  You're mother would want you to.  <3

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21Brokenhearted21

Thank you for such kind words, I truly appreciate them. I am trying my best. I allow myself to grieve yet I have no ambition. I feel nothing is worth much anymore because she isn’t here physically to see it. I also know she would hate me thinking in such a way so I’m trying but honestly it’s tough. I have been looking for a a therapist that I’m comfortable with but it has been a bit difficult due to where I live (rural). I’m glad I found this site in the meantime as I feel it’s a lot easier to talk to people who’ve experienced similar loss. I’m not the best with my words so I just wanted to thank you!!! <3

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Wandering Soul

21Brokenhearted21, 

Keep trying your best, I believe you can do it.  I understand that you've lost your ambition; it will slowly return.  It feels like just yesterday I lost my parents and I can very vividly remember the loss of ambition, not wanting to eat, exhaustion and the feeling of complete emptiness.  My body physically hurt too.  This is normal.  I looked up therapists as well, but didn't have enough confidence to pursue help.  It sounds like you have the confidence to do so (good for you!) but maybe not the ability to pursue it living in a rural area.  Don't give up if this is what you need. 

I'm grateful for you, I'm thankful for your post.  It takes "guts" to post on a forum your inner thoughts and feelings about a parent passing publicly.  This forum has helped me greatly in finding others who have similar situations and feelings.  Knowing that others can identify with you and your circumstances helps in some little way.  I sincerely hope it helps you too.  You are not alone (although it may feel like it).

You express your feelings as you do.  It doesn't matter if your think your "not the best with your words" or if you're an English teacher!  I'm not here to pass judgement.  You come as you are; unique, special you.

Today is a new day.  And although it perhaps doesn't necessarily feel like a great day, you are here for a reason.  Make the best of it as you can and I'll do the same myself (It was one year yesterday, my father unexpectedly passed on.)  One step at a time. <3

 

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My mother died on June 9th at home, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Since then I have tried to stay functional with work and maintaining a few routines, but when I have free time I often fall apart.

I had a bad day today. In the morning I woke up from a dream where I was talking to her and when I realized that it could not be, I woke up. I'm trying to keep going, but it's a tough road.

As in your case, I lived with her and every corner of our house reminds me of her. Every day I notice its lack. Anyway, I try to move on thinking about what she would have wanted for me. It is a difficult road, but you have to try to move on. Talking to a therapist has helped me in a way, but, still, it's difficult everyday.

Be well.

 

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