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Lost 3 family members in the last two months


betasmom2

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I am so sad that it physically hurts. I lost my cousin (who was like my brother) on 8/21 along with his 17 year old daughter to a drunk driver. I thought I was doing better, but on 10/4 I lost another cousin to cancer. He was diagnosed just about the time my other cousin passed away. I was not as close to him, but the pain of all these loses is more than I can handle. I am so tired, and I just don't want to do anything. They all died in another country so I was not even able to say my goodbye. It is just so painful. I want to be strong for everyone, but I am having such a hard time. How do you handle so much pain? I just don't even know what to do.

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I am so sad that it physically hurts. I lost my cousin (who was like my brother) on 8/21 along with his 17 year old daughter to a drunk driver. I thought I was doing better, but on 10/4 I lost another cousin to cancer. He was diagnosed just about the time my other cousin passed away. I was not as close to him, but the pain of all these loses is more than I can handle. I am so tired, and I just don't want to do anything. They all died in another country so I was not even able to say my goodbye. It is just so painful. I want to be strong for everyone, but I am having such a hard time. How do you handle so much pain? I just don't even know what to do.

Betasmom2,

You cry, you rage, you cry more and you get up and keep moving forward until eventually you begin to feel other things than pain. That's how you get through this and handle it.

I am so very sorry about your losses. Three in such a short time is simply agonizing. You can say goodbye by writing them a letter, or a song, or a poem or just telling them goodbye. I know it is not the same as being there, but it does help. I work at a prison, and when offenders' loved ones die, they often do not get to attend the funerals. It is very tough for them. They say that talking about it to others, writing some sort of goodbye note or making a memorial help ease the pain.

I hope this helps a little bit,

ModKonnie

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Thank you it does. I never thought of the letter I will try it. It is just so hard I walk around with a knot in my stomach ready to scream. I just want to feel me again...but it seems like it just wont happen. It is so frustrating. One moment I am fine the next I am crying over something silly. Thank you again for your suggestions I really appreciate it.

Betasmom2,

You cry, you rage, you cry more and you get up and keep moving forward until eventually you begin to feel other things than pain. That's how you get through this and handle it.

I am so very sorry about your losses. Three in such a short time is simply agonizing. You can say goodbye by writing them a letter, or a song, or a poem or just telling them goodbye. I know it is not the same as being there, but it does help. I work at a prison, and when offenders' loved ones die, they often do not get to attend the funerals. It is very tough for them. They say that talking about it to others, writing some sort of goodbye note or making a memorial help ease the pain.

I hope this helps a little bit,

ModKonnie

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Thank you it does. I never thought of the letter I will try it. It is just so hard I walk around with a knot in my stomach ready to scream. I just want to feel me again...but it seems like it just wont happen. It is so frustrating. One moment I am fine the next I am crying over something silly. Thank you again for your suggestions I really appreciate it.

You are welcome Betasmom2. How are you feeling today? It's okay to cry. Although it's been two years since my father passed, I find myself crying sometimes over the silliest of things. The other day, I was counseling one of my clients and her father is dying. He is in his last few days. I am the one who is supposed to be helping her go forward, but her father's situation is so similar to the way my father died, I had a moment of sheer breakdown where I almost panicked. I know she knew I was trying not to cry as she was bawling her head off, and I couldn't speak for a few minutes. Later, I thought, "Why didn't I just cry?" You know, I probably shoud have. I would have felt better.

So, is the knot in your stomach fear that someone else is going to die? Or is it pain from the heartache?

ModKonnie

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Thanks again ModKonnie. I am doing OK today. You gave me something to think about.... I am not sure if I am waiting for something else to happen or it is the heartache. I think is a combination of both. I am scared of more bad news, and just not being able to handle it. Yet, at the same time the sadness just doesn't go away. Little things remind me of them, and make me miss them so. ....You are very strong I don't know if I could have held it together. I am sure your client appreciated your support, and you did the right thing at the time. She is lucky she has someone who understand exactly how she is feeling and can help her get through it.

You are welcome Betasmom2. How are you feeling today? It's okay to cry. Although it's been two years since my father passed, I find myself crying sometimes over the silliest of things. The other day, I was counseling one of my clients and her father is dying. He is in his last few days. I am the one who is supposed to be helping her go forward, but her father's situation is so similar to the way my father died, I had a moment of sheer breakdown where I almost panicked. I know she knew I was trying not to cry as she was bawling her head off, and I couldn't speak for a few minutes. Later, I thought, "Why didn't I just cry?" You know, I probably shoud have. I would have felt better.

So, is the knot in your stomach fear that someone else is going to die? Or is it pain from the heartache?

ModKonnie

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Thanks again ModKonnie. I am doing OK today. You gave me something to think about.... I am not sure if I am waiting for something else to happen or it is the heartache. I think is a combination of both. I am scared of more bad news, and just not being able to handle it. Yet, at the same time the sadness just doesn't go away. Little things remind me of them, and make me miss them so. ....You are very strong I don't know if I could have held it together. I am sure your client appreciated your support, and you did the right thing at the time. She is lucky she has someone who understand exactly how she is feeling and can help her get through it.

You could help someone else. Actually, helping someone else in similar situations often helps a person put things into perspective and helps them to heal, too. I know the sadness doesn't go away, but I am no stronger than you. Consider joining a self help group or starting one in your home. You never know who you might help and who might help you.

ModKonnie

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