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My father was killed in May


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I will never forget that day... for as long a I live. I still can't believe it's real sometimes. Although I am not in as bad of place as I was back then, I still have moments that my heart aches for him. He was shot and killed and the images of his body laying on the ground draped in a yellow tarp will haunt me for the rest of my life. He was just laying there, dead on the pavement while the police conducted their investigation. Even though he was already dead, and they said he died instantly.. I just couldnt help but be angry. I saw his body at the viewing and I lost it. It did not look like my smiling dad anymore. I still have voicemails on my phone that I listen to from time to time, and it just isnt getting easier. I do go to therapy for three months and I found that very beneficial but somedays ( like today) My heart is overwhelmed with pain and hurt and loss. I am just left with a void, and I just miss my dad. I can still hear is laughter and I just wish he was here to talk to me. I just wish I could tell him what is going on in my life, and ask him how his day is. I wish I could tell him I love him, and give him a hug so I could smell his obsession cologne mixed with ciggarette smell. THats just what my dad smelled like. I miss him, and I don't know where to go from here. I don't really have anyone to talk to...I dont think its fair to call my siblings and cry my eyes out to them... they might be having a good day and I don't want to bring them down. Death is just so final, and I just wish I had one more day, or one more phone call.


I am sorry about the loss of your dad. What a horrible tragedy. I know you don't want to bring your siblings down, but maybe they are calling you for the same reason. Maybe they need to talk about it, too. Why don't you try it once and see how it goes? You might find you are helping them, too.

Either way, you can come here and talk to us. We will be here for you.


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