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Tommy77777

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I know this girl for 6 years on and off. She has a kid when I met her and an abusive husband. But we flirted when we met each other and click right away. I left Cali to visit her in Washington. When we reconnected I asked her what happen to her husband and she said she got divorced after 5 years of marriage. She also had another relationship for 2 years. she had just got off that relationship for 3-4months when we reconnected and I had just gotten off 6months of a 2years relationship. I asked her on a date and I went to Washington. We rushed on sex and made it official for us.

After dating her I started to realize that she was broken. She had a traumatic abusive childhood and her ex-husband took everything from her. She sees her ex-husband every day at night to drop off her kid. I didn’t like that fact but she assure me there is nothing more than that. I calm my jealousy because he was very abusive(at least in what she told me). She and I started very well but then we had a long-distance relationship soon after a few months of being together because I needed to finish school. We had so many similarities. I tried to make sure that we had strong communication while we were away. But I notice that she sometimes lacks the will because she does have a job, a child, and her life. She visited me in Cali in August for a few days and after she left we made a promise she will come again in November. I couldn’t visit her because I had an in-class university and was about to be done in December that's why we made a plan for her to come in November. When November come she made lots of excuses on why she couldn’t come(like money and time) she had about 2months of planning and she reassured me she will come. Instead, she went and paid the ticket money to a martial art competition that she want to compete in. I was devastated that she choose her tournament over our relationship after reassuring me and planning with me. After we had a big fight over it, I was a bit salty but still processing it.

I fought with her mom because her mom is very dramatic and very skewed on beliefs (like anti-gay, anti-democrat, anti-Muslim). I thought her mom was deadbeat because my ex didn't explain her stories well and I was thinking where her mom was at where all this was happening. Her mom got super mad and we made a mutual break up. After breaking up, I didn't contact her for about 3 days and she then proceeded to contact me and asked to be my best friend and possibly with benefits because we didn't have a fight during our relationship and we are both mutual know almost everything about each other. I agreed to it but question how it will work out. Of course, I know this won't work out. I wanted to distant myself to think about it but then after a few days later, CPS (child protective service) came to her house and she called me because she was panicking and I was able to calm her down. It turns out that her kid had a scratch from her sister's dogs and the school counselor reported to the cps on neglect and child abuse. The CPS found nothing but the file is still resolved.

After a month of our break up and 2weeks later of the CPS, I question her on our standing relationship. She does not know it as well and cannot think of it for now because she is scared of everything. I understand that's why I didn't block her. I got too depressed when I heard the news that she was in the CPS office that the case was not resolved. I then got jealous because her ex-husband was there for her every step and I couldn't. She was throwing up and her ex-husband offer her to stay for a bit in his apartment. She didn't sleep over there, she was just there to throw up and talk for a bit (however, I question it). Her ex-husband also just dumped his girlfriend. But I think he is trying to get back with her, there were many hints. After a few days later, I calmed her down with her CPS problem and I then asked her about our standing relationship. I said that we should only talk if are willing to work this out and willing to wait on each other until this case is resolved. She doesn't see it this way. She said there is no point and she said I need to move on but she is willing to be my best friend and still talk. I broke down knowing the fact that she gave upon us. I question everything. I thought she would fight for us no matter what. She said she is depressed as well and yet I notice she posted many pictures of her in the gym on her social media... She then brag about guys flirted with her and proceeded to block them to me...I haven't talk to her for five days now and she tried to talk to me four days ago. I am depressed and can't even eat and yet she is taking this very well more than me.

Am I jealous for nothing? Was I her rebound for her ex-husband? did I get too needy and only think of our relationship? Should I still be there for her because she going through a hard times? Should I just be her best friend and hope the future with her? Should I do the "no contact" rule? Am I a delusion?

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Dear Tommy,

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been dealing with and it is obvious you care a lot and want the best for this girl. I know you mean well and only want to help but sometimes it's too hard. We can't save everyone no matter how much we love them or care about them. I'm not the type to want to give up but sometimes we have to walk away. You have tried so hard and I think it's best to step back. I know it won't be easy. Let her know you'll be there if she changes her mind.

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