Things I want to say to you

[Reanna]

Today makes it 1 year and 3 months since you left us mom. I miss you so much. I have been feeling so angry that you just left me and didnt fight to stay alive.

I wish you had done the chemo I wish I had been there to take care of you. I wish I could have taken your cancer away. I am sorry I wasn’t there I am sorry I couldn't take the day off to take you there. That was the day the angels took you away. I am sorry I wasn’t there. I am so tired of missing you I know I need to let you go. I know I need to let you rest but that so hard to do. I have tried countless times to let you go. To  come to terms with your death but I cannot and I am so tired of trying mom I am so tired. You were my best friend and you just left. I feel so alone and I don’t have much left. I miss you so much . 

[ADM925]

On 11/24/2021 at 7:57 PM, Reanna said:

You were my best friend and you just left. I feel so alone and I don’t have much left. I miss you so much . 

It is 4 months 9 days for me and it is the same  - Mom was my only true, deep love in this world, my sole confidant and the one person I cannot live without.  I never left home for 60 years and it's been just the two of us since Dad passed very unexpectedly in 2000.  I have no other close family.  People tell me Mom was tired and didn't want to be here anymore, but even if true this doesn't help.  I miss her unbearably and each day it gets worse and more frightening and claustrophobic.  Trying to sleep is an absolute hell, with flashbacks and non-stop heartrending dreams about her and Dad, and then waking up with a tremendous shock in the empty house.  I feel for your heartbreaking struggle as Mom was all I had and I have never felt so devastated and alone.      .          

[Reanna]

I am so Sorry for your loss. It’s a constant battle accepting her death. People often say the same thing to me and to be strong but they make it worse for me. I am not going to tell you it gets easier even though people have said that to me it is a Hard journey and even after 1 year and 3 months I am still struggling. This site has helped me though I felt so alone before I found it. Keep reading other people stories and I am here ❤️

[ADM925]

Thank you for your very kind words and advice.  At least we can know that there are other people suffering greatly in similar ways.

[Jimmyb]

My mom died on Nov. 24th the day before Thanksgiving.  It was very sad. I know my mom wanted to live but time and tide waits for no one. I am grieving everyday for the loss of mom. I have tears in my eyes while typing this. I know it takes time to come to terms with the loss. I wish it didn't hurt so powerfully. But I also know that the reason I am grieving is because I loved her and she loved me.

[ADM925]

1 hour ago, Jimmyb said:

I am grieving everyday for the loss of mom. I have tears in my eyes while typing this. I know it takes time to come to terms with the loss. I wish it didn't hurt so powerfully. But I also know that the reason I am grieving is because I loved her and she loved me.

I am very sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss.  For me it is getting much worse over time (almost 5 months).  The disbelief, shock, nightmarish recollections, and (most of all) panic of prolonged separation (because I lived with Mom all my 60 yrs.) are increasing every day.  If you have anyone close by I hope they can help you in some way.  When we lost my father suddenly in 2000, we clung to each other and somehow survived.  My mother was the only one who could make my existence in this very hard, harsh world bearable.  Being with her even through the toughest times allowed me to find the respite, peace, and comfort which everyone needs to keep going.  Now there is nothing but heartbreak, tears, and a claustrophobic terror that's hard to convey.  I dread even the thought of the coming day, let alone the rest of my life.             

[ESM]

On 12/15/2021 at 12:28 AM, ADM925 said:

I am very sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss.  For me it is getting much worse over time (almost 5 months).  The disbelief, shock, nightmarish recollections, and (most of all) panic of prolonged separation (because I lived with Mom all my 60 yrs.) are increasing every day.  If you have anyone close by I hope they can help you in some way.  When we lost my father suddenly in 2000, we clung to each other and somehow survived.  My mother was the only one who could make my existence in this very hard, harsh world bearable.  Being with her even through the toughest times allowed me to find the respite, peace, and comfort which everyone needs to keep going.  Now there is nothing but heartbreak, tears, and a claustrophobic terror that's hard to convey.  I dread even the thought of the coming day, let alone the rest of my life.

I just nod my head in agreement when I read your posts. It mirrors my state of mind exactly. I wish there was something I could do to make it better for the both of us.

[Jimmyb]

Right here after Christmas and it's back to grieving for mom. I know she couldn't live in the condition she was in. It's  all the things I will never get to tell her now that makes me cry. I guess we all want more time with our loved ones. But there is no more time. It finally ran out for mom. What do you do with all the sadness? I don't  have the answers. Perhaps no one does. This is something we must go through. When my grandmother passed 29 years ago mom took it pretty hard as any of us would. If you live long enough you will lose your parents.