My Soul Hurts

[drobertsdt]

I lost my 19 year old son Adrian on September 19th, 2011 from an accidental drug overdose. My heart is so heavy and my insides hurt so much that I don't feel that I can do this. It is by far the worst feeling in this world. I have a hard time sleeping and functioning in general. I have a 15 year old daughter and he left behind a 9 month old son. These 2 are what keep me in the game. It is true when all the people leave and the house is empty, that is when the real pain begins. Everyone says it will hurt forever but the pain will lessen. I just want my baby boy back, i wasn't finished with him yet. I don't understand why? I guess i never will! I know God will give me the strenghth to endure this journey...but it doesnt stop the pain. Everyone else goes back to their "normal" life again....i have no "normal" anymore...it has been changed forever! I just have to remember to take it second by second, right now, that is all i can do. Yesterday was my first day back at work...it is just hard to try to function in the real world. I just want to scream!!! Thank you that there is such a forum as this, I am going to need all the help I can get, it brings comfort to know that UNFORTUNATELY there are others who have walked in my shoes. Not everybody understands the depth of this pain unless you have journeyed down this road.

[aim630]

Adrian's mom-I'm sorry for the loss of your son, Adrian. I lost my 23 yr old daughter Ashley to complications from H1N1 and pneumonia on 2-9-10. The past 20 months have been the hardest of my life, but we do find a way to go on,even if sometimes we'd rather not go on at all. This website has been a lifesaver, literally. I don't always post, but read almost every day. The other parents here understand and are just there to listen. Most of us post o the Loss of an Adult Child area, even though not all of our angels were adults.

I returned to work after a couple of weeks, and at first I was angry at every one and their stupid problems. No one understood what I was going through. I took Zoloft for a few months, that seemed to help. Some people have tried counseling and that helps. It will get easier, but you're right, nothing will ever be the same. We all get used to this new "normal" even though we would do anything to have our old life back. The other parents here will help support you when you are down, and encourage you to just get through each second at a time.

Please tell us more about Adrian, and his life, and your grandson and daughter. You won't find a better group of people anywhere, although I wish you'd never needed to be here.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I am so so sorry for your loss I lost my son Rob to an accidental drug overdose as well That is the best way ro describe it My soul hurts You are in my prayers I lost my son 2 years ago and it still feels like a living nightmare May God be with you and hold you in his arms I am crying tears for you and your loss God be with you

Marty Robs mom

[shellyku]

Dear Adrian's Mom - I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. This is the best place

for you to come and tell of your pain and sorrow. As Aimee's mom said, most of us gather

in the Loss of an Adult Child thread...that is where you will find more people to lean on.

I lost my 29 year old daughter Sarah August 18, 2010 from leukemia. I can tell you this

road has been long and difficult to this point, but there have definitely been good days

sprinkled in along the way. We have a younger daughter, Jill, who just turned 28 and we

just learned she is pregnant. Adrian's Mom, you and yours are in my prayers and I hope

you come back and share when you are able.

[westleysmom]

Adrian's Mom-I'm so sorry for your loss. My 20 year old son Westley died from combined acute intoxication January 13, 2010. He had a couple of beers and took a prescription painkiller and just went to sleep on a friend's couch. She called me saying she couldn't wake him up. He had been gone for a while before she had tried to wake him to go to work that day. Every day since then has been kind of not real, you know? I wish you didn't know. I have been coming to this site since last summer and it has really helped to talk to people who understand what I'm going through. It is a lonely business, this grieving, like you said, everybody around you feels terrible for what happened to your baby boy. But then they have to pick up the kids at school or go to a wedding shower or find a new job or whatever. Whatever. Anyway, finding this place where people don't forget (or pretend to, so they won't "make you cry") helped me so much and I hope it helps you to come and talk about Adrian. My thoughts are with you and I hope you can tell us more about him when you are feeling like it.