Can’t leave my apartment

[Oizys Miseria]

I’m struggling to get out of bed today.  It’s a sunny day in San Francisco.  I should enjoy it but I can’t bring myself to go outside.   I should go enjoy a walk with my dog.  I should go to an exercise class.  Anything!!!! But I’m starting to think of my mom again.  How I can’t call her even though my instincts are telling me to.  She’s not there anymore.  My mind keeps telling me over and over she’s dead.  Part of me can’t believe and another has to deal with it every minute.  I feel so lost and confused.  There’s so many things I should do, but I can’t do any of them.

[ESM]

I know exactly how you feel. My Mom passed last Monday. Every second of every day I feel varying degrees of horror. I just keep going over every moment of her last day and of her final 6 weeks and all the things I might have done differently. Getting up is the worst, because you know you have the whole day ahead of you. Yet another 24 hours having to confront the fact that I will never speak to my mother again. I still break down sobbing multiple times per day. I only hope you can start to feel a little better. Be well.

[Lory]

Every day is a struggle. They say it gets easier but it seems harder for me. I feel guilty if I try to take pleasure in something yet on the same token I don’t have the energy to do anything at all. It’s been two months, my wardrobe is all black. Every part of the day is bad for me. At night lay wide wake just overplaying things in my head, googling stuff. I try to Netflix to keep my mind busy but it doesn’t help much. 

[ESM]

1 hour ago, Lory said:

Every day is a struggle. They say it gets easier but it seems harder for me. I feel guilty if I try to take pleasure in something yet on the same token I don’t have the energy to do anything at all. It’s been two months, my wardrobe is all black. Every part of the day is bad for me. At night lay wide wake just overplaying things in my head, googling stuff. I try to Netflix to keep my mind busy but it doesn’t help much. 

Yup. I can't find enjoyment in anything. I also feel just physically exhausted all the time. I can't focus on anything, including TV shows. My thoughts just go back to my Mom, her final weeks, what I could have done differently, and how I can't see myself ever feeling normal again. Try to be well. I hope it improves for you.