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My dad died


Jams

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Less than two months ago my dad died. He was all I had, my world and my best friend. He was a gentle kind soul. He really was the best dad in the world. Sometimes he was like my child. I’m 29 and I can’t cope. I feel so alone. I don’t have anyone to talk to and it makes it so much harder. I did try talking to my friend but he told me he doesn’t even have time for himself so I can understand thats why we don’t talk much about my dad or my grief . I don’t want to be a burden on him and he tells me he is here for me and I’m not a burden but I think he is just being polite. If I really did grieve to him after a while he would be sick of it and I don’t want to lose a friendship because then il feel even more alone. I just feel so alone and I miss my dad so much. I don’t know what to do and I feel so alone. 

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I'm so sorry for your loss... I know how you feel. I just lost my father recently, I'm in my early 20s... He was my best friend, my biggest love, I loved him with all my heart, as much any one person can love anyone... I idolised him from an early age, and I was never far from him... But in the end it wasn't enough. The pain is unbelieveable, I feel like my soul died right with him, I don't know if words will ever be enough. I feel so alone in the world, like I'm a different species, I can't understand life going on without him, it just hurts so much... If you need to talk please please don't hesitate to message me

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Hey I’m so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I can say I understand your loss and pain. I’m here if you want to talk too, I’m a pretty good listener. Sometimes we find comfort in strangers than those closest to us. My heart breaks for you too, I’m here for you x

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Dear Jams and Halfasoul,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. It's deeply painful going through grief and missing our parents so much. Please know we are here for you and this is a safe place to express yourself. I also found comfort reading these websites.

Grief in Common - also had online group support

Grief Share

What's Your Grief

Grief Healing Blog

Thinking of you both.

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Hello Jams and Halfasoul,

I too lost my dad. Everything you both have described I feel as well. My world came crumbling down from the moment he went into ICU. I didn’t sleep that whole week leading to his death I knew it was coming. I wasn’t allowed in the hospital due to Covid restrictions and I feel like I failed him. The man who has always been by my side and I couldn’t be there for him. I died with him even before he left me. I’ve read that the more you love the harder you grief, I will grief my whole entire life because the love I had for him is more than I’ve ever loved anyone my whole life. Our bond was very strong. It’s hard to find people who you can speak to that understand but just know your not alone. 

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Hi, Jams. I lost my dad two years ago, I was twenty at the time. You said your dad was sometimes like your child, and I can relate to that. My father often treated me like a friend instead of a daughter, and towards the last few years, he started relying on me heavily and it was like our roles swapped. 

 

I also have a hard time talking about everything with friends or family because it does feel burdensome. Sometimes I make drafts of messages and letters expressing what I feel then delete them. It’s not the same as confiding in a real person, but I think it helps a little. I just recently started checking message boards like this, too, to sort of get it out of my system, and I’m happy to listen and occasionally offer commentary that anyone is welcome to take or ignore, haha. 

 

I’m deeply sorry for your loss. But most importantly, you are not alone. We  often have a lot more in common with others than we think, and people are much more willing to listen and help than we may realize.

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Hi Jams, halfasoul and anyone else reading. My thoughts are with you all. I totally understand what you are saying halfasoul when you say you can’t understand life going on without your dad. I feel exactly the same way. My mum died a few months ago and I thought I was doing okay, but all of a sudden I have kind of fallen apart and I’m really struggling. I feel like something inside me is broken and it will never be truly fixed again. I’m in my early 40s but I still feel young and almost everyone I know my age still has their parents around. I am completely alone - my mother, father and brother have all passed away so I’m the last one alive from my birth family. It’s awful, and I feel like no one understands. Reading the posts here from other people is the first time I’ve seen other people who seem to understand.

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20 minutes ago, Daisy-Hazel said:

I feel like something inside me is broken and it will never be truly fixed again. I’m in my early 40s but I still feel young and almost everyone I know my age still has their parents around. I am completely alone - my mother, father and brother have all passed away so I’m the last one alive from my birth family. It’s awful, and I feel like no one understands.

Same here. Every second, of every day, there is an acute pain which does not ever let up. I woke up today and as usual felt totally alone. It is actually painful. Then the sense of panic sets in and I just don't know what to do with myself to cope. 

Like you with your Dad, my mom was all I had. My father took off when I was three and from what I understand died several years back, but I never had any kind of relationship with him. My brother died back in 1997 from  pancreatic cancer. Now with my mom gone, it's just me.

I was thinking the other day how that no matter how bad things went in my brother's life he always knew he had me and my mother to fall back on. When my brother died my Mom always knew I would always be there for her. Now it's just me. There's no one left for me to fall back on. I know that sounds kind of childish and perhaps silly that you're expressing some kind of jealousy that your deceased brother and mother had someone to fall back upon but I don't, but that really is the way it is.

As of right now though, it just is not getting any better. The loneliness, the isolation, the horror, the constant regrets of things I should or shouldn't have done in the hospital, none of it seems to be stopping or even slightly diminishing. I only hope that for myself as well as everyone else on this board, that we can find some solace and some peace in something. Be well everyone.

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3 minutes ago, ESM said:

Same here. Every second, of every day, there is an acute pain which does not ever let up. I woke up today and as usual felt totally alone. It is actually painful. Then the sense of panic sets in and I just don't know what to do with myself to cope. 

Like you with your Dad, my mom was all I had. My father took off when I was three and from what I understand died several years back, but I never had any kind of relationship with him. My brother died back in 1997 from  pancreatic cancer. Now with my mom gone, it's just me.

I was thinking the other day how that no matter how bad things went in my brother's life he always knew he had me and my mother to fall back on. When my brother died my Mom always knew I would always be there for her. Now it's just me. There's no one left for me to fall back on. I know that sounds kind of childish and perhaps silly that you're expressing some kind of jealousy that your deceased brother and mother had someone to fall back upon but I don't, but that really is the way it is.

As of right now though, it just is not getting any better. The loneliness, the isolation, the horror, the constant regrets of things I should or shouldn't have done in the hospital, none of it seems to be stopping or even slightly diminishing. I only hope that for myself as well as everyone else on this board, that we can find some solace and some peace in something. Be well everyone.

I don’t think it’s childish at all feeling kind of jealous about your mum and brother. I’m almost jealous my brother died before me because I’m the one left dealing with everything alone. He was much younger than me too, so it wasn’t meant to be this way. I have a husband and children yet I still feel completely alone. My mum was my safety net - she almost always had good advice and was willing to listen to me whinge about my kids. She was a huge help and now there’s just nothing. I’m sending you all my best vibes xxx

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18 hours ago, Daisy-Hazel said:

I don’t think it’s childish at all feeling kind of jealous about your mum and brother. I’m almost jealous my brother died before me because I’m the one left dealing with everything alone

I know exactly what you mean. I hope things get better for you, for me, and for everyone on this board. Thanks for the kind words.

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On 11/30/2021 at 2:11 AM, IndigoS said:

 

Hi, Jams. I lost my dad two years ago, I was twenty at the time. You said your dad was sometimes like your child, and I can relate to that. My father often treated me like a friend instead of a daughter, and towards the last few years, he started relying on me heavily and it was like our roles swapped. 

 

I also have a hard time talking about everything with friends or family because it does feel burdensome. Sometimes I make drafts of messages and letters expressing what I feel then delete them. It’s not the same as confiding in a real person, but I think it helps a little. I just recently started checking message boards like this, too, to sort of get it out of my system, and I’m happy to listen and occasionally offer commentary that anyone is welcome to take or ignore, haha. 

 

I’m deeply sorry for your loss. But most importantly, you are not alone. We  often have a lot more in common with others than we think, and people are much more willing to listen and help than we may realize.

Im so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your advice and kind words. You sound like you were good to your father, take solace in that you had a good relationship. I’m so grateful to have loved him and for him to have loved him, not many people get that. I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to or just to listen

please do reach out, 
jams

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I'm so sorry. My dad just passed away this past Thursday. I'm much older than you (50s) and I'm grateful I am now married. For most of my life I was single and to be honest I don't think I would be able to handle it. Part of the hurt is because my mom passed away quite a while ago so now both of my parents are gone and it feels like my childhood is now gone.

Today I had to pick up a suit for him and photos for the funeral. Tonight I've been scanning them. It is so sad to realize he won't be coming back.

There are a lot of counselors you can talk to. You can probably walk over to a church and even if you aren't religious having a pastor or someone to talk with can help a lot.

I know the feelings of not wanting to get out of bed, of crying on and off all day, it is brutal but no matter how hard any of us tries, we can never bring them back. It is tough to accept.

 

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