anaphlatic shock/ peanut sudden death of my 9 years 10 month old son

[bells76]

last cuddle with my haydn on the 7th sept at 3.15 pm, we had battled with his astham for 5 years, in and out of hospial but he always pulled through, he was signed off the hospital as we seemed to be getting it under control, 18 months past and we had only had to visit the gp once for an attact we couldn't stop, on the mend we thought.then this summer he got hayfeaver, not soming he had had before he wasn.t allergic to anything and ait everything and more with kechup,

that day he wanted my cruncky nut flakes for breakfast, he always had coco pops with hot milk but he so wanted the cruchy nut, i didn't think twice, no reason as he ait nuts.

he was saying he didn't feel well before his breakfast so as normal i told him we'd drive to school with his bother who's only one year older, and see how he felt then.

he said he really did feel sick so we came home, by the time he got out the car he was having an astham attack ( so i thought) , not to worry i told him we'll get u your meds and phone the doctors,we sat in the kitchen, (me , haydn and his little sister 20months old) giving him his meds as i made phone calls to doc's, family for child care,etc.

then soming wasn't the same as all the other times, i rang 999 as he walked to the back door to breathhe said, iwas pumping the ventalin myself telling the operater what was happening when he just fell in my arms, blue lips.

my baby girl watching on as i pumped his little chest and begged him to fight for me. not to go. please don't go!

help arrived, butdo i stop and answer the door or keep going, i just remember running to the door,

it was just half an hour from breakfast to his heart stopping, they managed to get him stable after 40 min's than to hospital, i can't tell u how long it was before they told me he was stable but he would need to go to london itc,

they told me he may not walk up and even if he did he would have brain damage as his heart had stopped for so long his brain will swell. ok i thought but he's alive we can get though this just like all the other times.

then the rash started and they said it wasn't his asthma but anaphlatic shock.

the ct scan showed that his whole brain had swelled, little hope they said, but then his eye's opened just a little , yes i thought thats my boy keep fighting.

but no it was the start of the fitting, only his eyes moved but they would just open and close, nothing they gave him stopped it happening, and by the morning they said his puples had changed and there was no coming back from this.

so only 2 ways left let him go in his own time which could take days for even weeks but he would die or withdraw treatment and let him go now.

right or wrong i desided i brought him in the world and i would take him out, so after his 2 bothers ( he has a 13 year old one too) and the rest of the family came from all over the county to say goodbye, i put on his fav song and we had our last cuddle, just him and me.

i guess i just need to hear from someone who has lost a child the same age, i'm taking anything away from the loss of a baby but it's just different, i just can't get my head round it and no one i know can relate, i just need to know i'm not going mad!

to losses him so fast and to something to randam, why?

sorry for any mispelling and if it doesn't make much sence but my head just won't work.

[shellyku]

Oh Bells76 - My heart breaks as I read your story...your beautiful son and the tragedy you have experienced

is just devastating to contemplate. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot relate to losing a child as young as

yours, but I lost my daughter, Sarah, at age 29 to leukemia. She battled the disease for 11 months, so we

had a longer time with her, but I believe the loss of a child is really all the same in the end...the worst loss

anyone can endure.

I can't tell you much about this journey since I am only 13 months in, but there are other people here at this

website who unfortunately have more years' experience than we do. Please come to the Loss of an Adult

Child thread of this website, even though your beautiful boy was only 9 and not an adult. That is where you

will find the most compassionate, loving, understanding souls who can give you comfort and listen to your

pain. This is really a place that you can tell us of your boy, and of your heart-wrenching story. I pray for you and

your family and hope that you will consider coming to this site to chat with other people who know how you feel.

Peace to you, dear woman.

[deepbluezz]

My son was older than yours but I needed to write that you are a very strong woman. Although my son was in his 30's the feelings are the same. I feel like I a going insane.. jeremy has been gone for 8 months, sometimes if seems like those months flew by, other times it feels like forever.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but there are no words, just people such as the ones on here that know your pain. I stopped writing on here about 3 weeks ago, not a good thing,

I need to be here, I need to draw from the strength of people like you. Deb

[bells76]

thank u both so much! think i've finaly found what i need on here. my closest friend told me we have joined the worst club in the world that only we know how it feels, your words really have helped xxx