Lots Of Stress And Grief While Starting New Life

[Sparky1]

Diane, I hope you can recover quickly from this misfortune.  Just the other day I bought winter shoes that have fibres in the soles to prevent slipping on ice. As I am getting older, falling down is one thing I dread the most, especially being alone. Everything is easier to get hurt and it is a hell of a time getting up too. I hope you get better.

 

[annie123]

Sorry to hear this, I hope you recover quickly.  Take it easy and feel better Diane.

 

[tnd]

On 11/24/2021 at 9:38 PM, Gail 8588 said:

No laughter, no commentary,  just 3 zombies staring at a box.   The only good part was that none of us felt compelled to talk. We just sat.  We endured the holidays.  

I expect Frances and her family will try to cheer you up Tnd.  That is a different kind of holiday pain to endure

Gail 8588:  The day went pretty much how it did for you. Francis cooked a full traditional dinner but, without a dining table, none of us could sit together. Everyone just sort of scattered about the place doing their own thing. I've never had a holiday dinner like that before but to be honest, it was just as well. I just wanted to eat and retreat back to my room. The Sarcoidosis seems to have me in a real grip right now (feels like a death grip) and it's not helping my mood. I hurt so much I can hardly cry over missing my husband. But I did find a little comfort with thinking that if he was enjoying a dinner in Heaven, at least he gets to eat what he wants now. Holiday dinners were the only times he would do that and not adhere to a meal for Diabetics. I pictured him eating all the ham and mashed potatoes he wanted and cranberry sauce and pie. I don't know if people eat in Heaven but if they do, I'd say my husband had himself one heck a dinner. 

[John9]

10 minutes ago, tnd said:

I don't know if people eat in Heaven but if they do, I'd say my husband had himself one heck a dinner. 

tnd,

That thought is a good one as far I am concerned. I wouldn't even begin to know if there is food in Heaven but as I said before my loving wife and I sure did love it when we were together. I can only hope there is some sort of "reward" there. Not questioning and not worried either just hoping to be with my loving wife again. When we had the Holiday gatherings at her Grandparents there were so many only a few could sit at the table and many went "wherever" they could sit so I can understand that part of the statement but it became a tradition and that is what hurts so much since my loving wife died not one of those people have ever called since she died over 8 months ago. Sorry just venting again. I am glad you had a nice meal anyway.

[tnd]

On 11/24/2021 at 11:00 PM, foreverhis said:

He had me start using gel moisture drops four times a day and a moisture "goo" at bedtime. 

foreverhis:  Thanks for the tips. I use moisturizing eye drops but stopped for a while because I was going through those little bottles like there's no tomorrow. Oh, the drops helped but I cried so often that I had to use up more drops. The Sarcoidosis also has something to do with it. There doesn't seem to be a part of my body not affected by it. Add that to grief and well, you only have more grief!  

[tnd]

On 11/25/2021 at 2:48 AM, Michael M said:

Cry as much as you need to, but don't  let it hold you back.  For months I cried in the parking lot of our favorite Chinese takeout place, but I kept going back and getting the food we both enjoyed so much.  

Michael M:  I'm glad you didn't let grief hold you back. We may not feel up to it but we have to keep going. Right now I feel like a wet noodle and finding it almost draining to think about doing anything. So much has hit me all at once that lately I just want to be like a flat Stanley and lay low and flat.  

[John9]

42 minutes ago, Sparky1 said:

Just the other day I bought winter shoes that have fibres in the soles to prevent slipping on ice.

Sparky1,

I agree now that I am "alone" I do have that fear and somewhat unrelated I had to buy new tires today for the car because it didn't seem right when driving in the rain and I am not trying to put myself into a bad situation. I just hate how everything totally fell apart in all of our lives since our spouses died. My opinion in that regards by the way i know my life totally fell apart and is still crumbling around me.

[John9]

8 minutes ago, tnd said:

Add that to grief and well, you only have more grief!  

tnd,

 I think we said before that grief is the gift that keeps on giving (or taking). I know each day it seems to take more out of me each day.

[tnd]

On 11/25/2021 at 11:02 AM, cmp34 said:

I am home by myself, but I'm keeping busy. 

cmp34:  I am sorry you were alone on the holiday. Glad you came here to post. I wasn't alone but may as well have been. Pretty much kept to myself. But I didn't pass up the pie, either. No more left today, darn it. 

 

[tnd]

6 hours ago, Diane R. E. said:

I tripped and fell on my walk this morning and fractured my right humorous.

Diane R.E.:  Ouch! Sorry that happened! Take care and let us know that it is healing alright.  

[Michael M]

1 hour ago, tnd said:

Michael M:  I'm glad you didn't let grief hold you back. We may not feel up to it but we have to keep going. Right now I feel like a wet noodle and finding it almost draining to think about doing anything. So much has hit me all at once that lately I just want to be like a flat Stanley and lay low and flat.  

My wife did the flat Stanley thing for our neice.  Through some strings we pulled he rode on a U2 to the edge of space (not kidding).  Even flat Stanley can find a way to soar.  Rest a bit and see what opportunities present themselves. 

[Michael M]

7 hours ago, Diane R. E. said:

Just when you think things can't get any worse - bam!   I tripped and fell on my walk this morning and fractured my right humorous. (I'm right handed of course!) The ortho office is closed today but I'm in a heavy duty splint. Not the way I wanted to start the day!  

I hope you are able to heal up soon.  Here I was bemoaning my water heater being on the fritz. 

I am always having little accidents recently.  My therapist told me to take care that my coordination is most likely off because of my state of grief.

[tnd]

14 minutes ago, Michael M said:

Through some strings we pulled he rode on a U2 to the edge of space (not kidding). 

Michael M:  That's funny! Just made my day. Well, that and another piece of pumpkin pie. 

[tnd]

Was reading a little news today and I swear, I could be laid up for days, come back and nothing has changed. Same old news about violence, politics and more doom and gloom. I read about family shootings that occurred during Thanksgiving dinners. That's pathetic. I thought "Well, I may be missing my husband but I am glad that my life didn't end up like that with somebody shooting somebody else in the house over a holiday". Imagine that. Our grief is stinging and we ache for our loved ones and every hour we are awake we endure pain but gosh darn, at least it hasn't gone so low as family shooting family or friends on a holiday. Or any day for that matter. I'm grieving because my husband and I loved each other. The people in the news will be grieving for another reason.   

[John9]

24 minutes ago, Michael M said:

I am always having little accidents recently.  My therapist told me to take care that my coordination is most likely off because of my state of grief.

Michael M,

I have to say that since my loving wife died, I have felt off and have injured my hands and arms because I am not judging distance correctly. I will try to take what your therapist said into my daily situation. Unfortunately the grief brain doesn't seem to follow the rules.

[Michael M]

7 minutes ago, John9 said:

Michael M,

I have to say that since my loving wife died, I have felt off and have injured my hands and arms because I am not judging distance correctly. I will try to take what your therapist said into my daily situation. Unfortunately the grief brain doesn't seem to follow the rules.

Recently found my knee, wrist and elbow pads from my rollerblading days.   I have jokingly considered wearing them around the house. 

[John9]

5 minutes ago, tnd said:

Was reading a little news today and I swear, I could be laid up for days, come back and nothing has changed. Same old news about violence, politics and more doom and gloom. I read about family shootings that occurred during Thanksgiving dinners. That's pathetic. I thought "Well, I may be missing my husband but I am glad that my life didn't end up like that with somebody shooting somebody else in the house over a holiday". Imagine that. Our grief is stinging and we ache for our loved ones and every hour we are awake we endure pain but gosh darn, at least it hasn't gone so low as family shooting family or friends on a holiday. Or any day for that matter. I'm grieving because my husband and I loved each other. The people in the news will be grieving for another reason. 

tnd,

My loving wife and I did watch the news every night and we would say that certain nights we weren't going to do it. I have said before that I don't understand why people create this type of pain for others and you are correct that we are grieving about our loved ones and the fact that we really miss them especially at this time of the year. But we know that family gatherings can bring out the worst in some people and tempers flare and in the heat of the moment people do something that they can't undo.

[tnd]

2 minutes ago, Michael M said:

Recently found my knee, wrist and elbow pads from my rollerblading days.   I have jokingly considered wearing them around the house. 

Michael M:  I have been on Prednisone longterm (2 years) now. I have the ugliest bruises. I am eyeing a roll of bubble wrap.   

[tnd]

6 minutes ago, John9 said:

But we know that family gatherings can bring out the worst in some people and tempers flare and in the heat of the moment people do something that they can't undo.

John9:  Nah...buying up Boardwalk when you should've put your game piece on another utility is something you can't undo. Shooting someone is just plain wrong. 

[Gail 8588]

4 hours ago, tnd said:

Gail 8588:  The day went pretty much how it did for you. 

Tnd, 

Thanksgiving has gone very well for me.  We did Thanksgiving today, on Friday, rather than on Thursday, as my son in Atlanta couldn't get down here yesterday.  We had a full traditional meal, played games with my 3 year old grandson, then watched a movie together.  Everyone pitched in on the cooking, set up, and clean up.

I am stuffed, but very happy. The only thing that would make it better is if my husband could have would have been with us. 

This has been the first year that my holiday was not dominated by my sadness of missing my husband. 

With both my boys here, and the grandchildren. The house was filled with laughter and love.  I was able to say, and truly mean, this old adage my Aunt used to always say "I drink from my saucer, because my cup overfloweth"

Such a huge change from 2 years ago when I was so depressed. 

I feel guilty posting on here that my Thanksgiving was so positive. I know how hard it is for many people on here to just survive the day. My first 4 Thanksgiving were all hard.

Glad you made it through the day.

Gail

[KayC]

Diane, I am so sorry!  I've had six falls where I've done serious damage, it is no fun and a rude awakening to what you thought would be a usual day.    Let us know what you find out when you are able to see an orthopedist.  I hope it's soon!  Why do things happen on holidays/weekends!  Praying for you, Hon!

14 hours ago, tnd said:

But I did find a little comfort with thinking that if he was enjoying a dinner in Heaven, at least he gets to eat what he wants now.

Such a good way to look at it!  I drove six hour round trip and the only thing I could eat was turkey, a dab of cabbage (II had to pick the peas out as I can't eat them...Kodie's gain).  I had planned ahead, thankfully and brought my son and I Keto Pumpkin Mug Cakes, VERY good...she'd prepared about six very rich desserts which we can't eat and a lot of side dishes also high in carbs, off my diet, so I stuck to the turkey.  I knew one day wouldn't kill me.  I brought Chia Seed Cereal to eat on the way home at 5 as I knew it'd be too late for me to eat at 8 pm when home.

tnd, I can't wait until you get into your own place and can control how your life goes, what you do/eat, etc.

14 hours ago, John9 said:

I wouldn't even begin to know if there is food in Heaven

Well since there IS a marriage supper mentioned, I would say so, besides my MIL is a great cook and I look forward to some of her cooking again!  With George up there, it wouldn't be heaven w/o FOOD! 

14 hours ago, tnd said:

I use moisturizing eye drops but stopped for a while because I was going through those little bottles like there's no tomorrow.

I was too and my eye doctor suggested contact lens solution as they're big bottles, more cost effective.  Bausch & Lomb Sensitive Eyes Plus It does have saline so if that bothers you it wouldn't work.  But it doesn't sting, it's pretty mild.

14 hours ago, John9 said:

I had to buy new tires today for the car

I had to do that a few months ago too, an unplanned expenditure but essential!  I'm glad you're keeping yourself safe.

13 hours ago, tnd said:

Same old news

Exactly!  Can fast forward through it, nothing seems to have changed since Covid!  So sick of it.  Unless they have something new to say, I speed through it.  It's glum to hear anyway.

13 hours ago, John9 said:

I have felt off and have injured my hands

I'm so sorry!  Mine have sustained 11 injuries in the last two years, five of them major, lost most of my strength in spite of all I do around here, not from balance but 8 dogbites, an overzealous dermatologist, a hard yank from a chow, and a botched surgery..  It greatly limits me.  I do my best but now have to hire things done I never did before and skip others.

12 hours ago, tnd said:

I am eyeing a roll of bubble wrap.  

Haha, my GF from TX keeps saying she needs to come bubblewrap me!  I'd love her to, I'd welcome her visit!

Gail, your TG sounds perfect, excepting missing your husband to share in it with you!  Mine went very well, albeit too short, it helped having my daughter drive from her place to my son's (more than 1/2 of the way).  It's hard to be alone on the holidays but some prefer it that way.  I never know until the day approaches or not because of winter snows in the mountains.  

[John9]

14 hours ago, tnd said:

John9:  Nah...buying up Boardwalk when you should've put your game piece on another utility is something you can't undo. Shooting someone is just plain wrong. 

tnd,

I agree, but it still can't be undone. Now if you want to discuss that the person probably shouldn't have a "temper" and a gun or that guns shouldn't be used to settle arguments or.....

[John9]

I am glad that those of you who were able to celebrate Thanksgiving had a good one.

[steveb]

1 hour ago, John9 said:

I am glad that those of you who were able to celebrate Thanksgiving had a good one.

Thank you John … my daughter is home from grad school. My son is on dental standby though (dental officer at Jacksonville NAS, FL). It’s wonderful to have my daughter home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I so look forward to when my kids can come and visit to fill the empty house with love again.  

[tnd]

20 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I feel guilty posting on here that my Thanksgiving was so positive. I know how hard it is for many people on here to just survive the day. My first 4 Thanksgiving were all hard.

Gail 8588:  Sounds like you had a wonderful day. You have nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, your post brings me hope that in the future I may enjoy the holidays again too. After what all of us have been and/or going thru with our grief, it's good to see that one of us has broken thru the pain. Thanks for sharing.  

[foreverhis]

On 11/26/2021 at 9:47 PM, Gail 8588 said:

I feel guilty posting on here that my Thanksgiving was so positive. I know how hard it is for many people on here to just survive the day. My first 4 Thanksgiving were all hard

No, Gail, please don’t think that way. Hearing about good times gave me hope my first 2 years that it wouldn’t always be so painful and sad. And this year, my fourth without John, it was so different.

Last week I drove last minute to our sister-by-choice’s 60th birthday party. I saw people I hadn’t seen in 2 years or more. Despite how tough it was on my health, it was really positive. Friends who don’t pretend John never existed and bring him into the reminiscences, who don’t treat me as if I am made of candy glass and yet who are sensitive as well.

This weekend, I was home on Thanksgiving because I had volunteered to sit my doggie friend. I was later invited to a friend’s for dinner. They were so sweet and brought dinner to me. The last 2 days, it’s been family and my local friends. John was part of everything, especially the memories, and hearing my sister (by birth) talk about what John meant to her was touching. Despite a 24 year age difference, they were good pals. He was favorite uncle, trusted older brother, confidant, and mentor all in one.

Of course it was sad and hard at times, but so different from the first 2 years and last year. I think it’s important to remember that all of this is a process that takes time.

[steveb]

foreverhis, I couldn’t agree more.  Knowing that others worked through their grief and eventually had “good times” with friends and family again is inspiring to say the least.  We all need the hope that the pain, grief, and emotional trauma will diminish to a point where we can have some “good times” again:).  
 

Thank you for sharing.  
 

 

[tnd]

Down But Not Out 

In regard to my health, I found out that it is very unlikely that I will get better. I've been holding back on talking about it because I needed a little time to digest it myself. And I still don't think I have. With the Sarcoidosis I have my good days and my bad. Just like dealing with the grief. Last week was especially hard but woke up today and don't feel so bad. It's all about pacing myself. But if a curve ball comes at me, it can really screw me up. So, staying on-course is important to me. It's important that I not allow others and outside distractions get in my way. And now my life depends on me being focused. I am depressed about this, who wouldn't be? 

A part of me could easily now give up but on the other hand, I have thoughts and ideas for moving forward to honor my husband and be his hero. I'd like to try checking a few things off that list. While I was surprised by this news, I wasn't exactly expecting it, either. Maybe it's just best that I continue doing what I've been doing and see how far I can go. And if I crash and burn, so what? Won't matter. It was to be expected...    

I can remember a time when I was given bad news about my health. Was told things were going to get a lot worse. And they did. But then I got better and the doctors were not expecting that. At the time, I had a team of 5 doctors and none of them had good news. Finally, one admitted that my case had kept her up at night. She dug and dug doing more research and found that a young man in another country was the only other documented case of getting better. She said maybe I was that "one in a million" too. Well, many years went by and it seemed I was. Now I have Sarcoidosis. I don't think I will be that "one in a million" that gets better but I also don't think I will be dead all that soon, either. So, here I go again. 

[John9]

tnd,

Thank you for the update and I am glad that you are not letting "others" distract you from your goals and mission to do what you need to so you can live your "own" life and be your husbands hero and honor him. I do understand that goals are important and I know you have a few that you have mentioned and the important one being able to be in your own place and I hope that happens soon if it's possible. I do think that the less pressure after being settled would do you a world of good and as I have said about myself if there was less on my "wobbly" plate maybe I wouldn't feel as down as I do but I am not able to move forward in that regards because everything is dragging on. Which is why I hope things work as fast as you want or need them to so at least someone can maybe catch a "break". I do understand when you talk about your health issues especially now that the "good" sister is dealing with something her Doctors told her can't be cured but they will TRY to manage it but it won't go away. Of course it isn't the same because they all told her even though she doesn't feel right she can go back to work and did so yesterday. I can only say what I have said to you before I hope for the best for you and for at least a little peace too.

[Gail 8588]

7 hours ago, tnd said:

Down But Not Out 

Tnd, 

Glad that you are "not out".  One foot in front of the other. 

I also really hope, and am praying for, you to get a place of your own soon.  I think being in a place of your own will eliminate a lot of your stress.  Not that things will be easy, but you will have more control over your life. 

I hope at some point your brother reaches out to you and provides you some small measure of support. 

Thinking of you and sending you strength. 

Gail

[KayC]

At this point after your brother left you high and dry, I wouldn't be expecting any miracles coming from him.  But I'm a realist.  I think I face life much like you do...I'm 69, living alone in the country mountains, it's a hard life, rarely hear from my kids, no help from either of them.  I'm alone.  On my own.  It's up to me to take care of myself.  Which was fine before all of these permanent injuries to my feet, knees, hands, incapacitating me by degree!  I live with pain.  I try to push through and not let it stop me but I have many limitations.  Your Sarcoidosis is even more debilitating than what I'm experiencing..  I wish you could get into assisted living where there'd be rides, etc. to doctors, people/activities when you want them, being alone when you want that.  I don't like to see you have to put up with people that are toxic just because you are vulnerable.  The same for my sister with what she's going through, I do not want her to feel she HAS to put up with Beverly's disrespect and bilking just because she can't do for herself.  Beverly isn't helping her anyway beyond rides and now that she's made it through the myriads of eye appts out of town, she really doesn't need her "as is."  Her needs are beyond what Beverly has provided.  I see that as similar to your situation, details may vary but I see commonalities.

I wish the best for you.  I really do.

[tnd]

19 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I think being in a place of your own will eliminate a lot of your stress.

Gail 8588:   I think it will too. I figure once I'm in my own place the stress I will have will be (if there is such a thing) normal stress. Just day-to-day stuff, bills and living with the Sarcoidosis. While I do already have a little anxiety over it, I've been good at figuring out how to do things myself despite the Sarc. But the biggest stress factors will finally be gone. I look forward to just "being" and not having to consider what other people are doing/not doing or needing. Living in someone else's house is stressful! In my own place I won't have to wonder about what kind of mood anybody is in or if there's going to be a fight or what surprises may be lurking in the bathroom. And I will be able to eat! When I want! And what I want! I so look forward to cooking again. I hope I can cook more than scrambled eggs. And I want to be able to get up at 5am like I use to and feed my cats and sit in peace and quiet with a cup of coffee (this is the part where my husband's coffee mug comes in). If I want to speak to him, I will freely be able to. No more retreating to a tiny room. Well, you can't say that I'm not trying to focus on positivity now!  

[tnd]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

  I wish you could get into assisted living where there'd be rides, etc. to doctors, people/activities when you want them

KayC:   I've got a couple ideas I am working on for transportation. First, I need to get a phone so I can make calls to get answers. For now, Francis suddenly seems intent on taking me to my doctor appts or wherever I need to go. I told her about a volunteer program thru the city that could maybe take me but she insists that she will. We shall see. Things (people) have changed a little around here (for the better), I will have to post about it sometime. I am still "observing". 

[John9]

12 minutes ago, tnd said:

Well, you can't say that I'm not trying to focus on positivity now!  

tnd,

I am glad you can at least try to focus on the positive, I think if you are in more "control" that you might be right and have the NORMAL stress of life. I hope you are able to have the time to talk to your husband in the morning and not worry about anyone or anything except you and your cats. I told the "good" sister again yesterday I am so tired of being the "responsible" adult, I did it too long for too many and where did it "get" me. Lonely and worn out and beat down and I would love to just go to bed and not get up but the physical pains won't let me and at least when I am "up" I can move a little to take the edge off.

[KayC]

Have you lost any more weight?  Are you getting enough food to eat?  What about Rxs, are you getting them picked up when needed?  I wonder if you could do mail order Rxs that might cut back on needing someone's help?  I use OptumRx with United Healthcare, used to have CVS Caremark with Healthnet.  

I'm glad things have improved by I'm still leery because of all you've endured...

[tnd]

19 hours ago, John9 said:

I told the "good" sister again yesterday I am so tired of being the "responsible" adult, I did it too long for too many and where did it "get" me.

John9:  Everyone must've known that you could be depended on. That's not a bad trait to have. I wish you'd give yourself more credit. But at this point in your life, I'd say you need to put yourself first for a change. I know you still have some "hurry up and wait" issues concerning your MIL's estate and your friends but, I hope on the days that you don't actually have to be doing anything with those I hope you'll rest. I hope you can look in the mirror and ask what that man needs. Anymore, I just try to do what is comfortable. Makes me feel lazy and then there are the moments I start to cry and can't do a darn thing. So what? What is the worst that could happen if I don't do anything today? If you need a break and need to cry, you don't need anyone's permission. And you cry anyways and then think it's terrible. It's NOT! I think your pain is being amplified by lack of sleep and rest. The body will only replace and repair certain cells for strength and energy during REM (deep) sleep of about 4 hours or so. If you're not getting enough ZZ's then your pain will be amplified. Pamper yourself or do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable. If you cry, you cry. But then take a break and rest. Sometimes a nap in the middle of the day is a good refresher. 

 

[tnd]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

Have you lost any more weight?  Are you getting enough food to eat?  What about Rxs,

KayC:  I've lost a couple more pounds but I am eating. I order myself some groceries and Francis picks it up curbside. I pay and order her some food too when she needs it. Except last nite was a bit maddening...she said 530pm would be okay for her to pick up. The store is about 5-10 minutes away. By 730pm when she still hadn't arrived home, I emailed her. Got no reply. Emailed her again at almost 830pm. Still no reply. Then she walks in with her grandkids and my groceries and husband was right behind her (in his own car). Told her I was worried about her. She just gave me a weird smile and said that after picking up my groceries she had to go pick up her grandkids. Oookay...but she didn't tell me that before otherwise, I would have scheduled a later pickup time instead of having food that needs refrigeration being driven around for more than 2 hours. Maddening! 

As for my meds, she picked those up with no delay this time. Once I get moved I am going to do the mail thing. As for groceries, if Francis doesn't bring them home right away again then once I get a phone I will see if I can use Uber and get them myself. That would be hard for me so I don't know...but the store in the area does not have delivery service, only in-store or curbside. I may have to look into a store a little farther away that will deliver. We'll see. 

[John9]

46 minutes ago, tnd said:

Sometimes a nap in the middle of the day is a good refresher. 

tnd,

I have tried numerous times and I haven't been able to nap, I am afraid even if I do then what little sleep I do get at night will be interrupted and I will have all of those "bad" thoughts going through my head again. I am trying as we say to make it one day at a time and do the best I can to get through.

 

33 minutes ago, tnd said:

She just gave me a weird smile and said that after picking up my groceries she had to go pick up her grandkids. Oookay...but she didn't tell me that before otherwise, I would have scheduled a later pickup time instead of having food that needs refrigeration being driven around for more than 2 hours. Maddening! 

tnd,

As for the food "issue" you know the saying that you can't teach common sense. Francis should know these things when dealing with groceries or anything that might spoil if left out too long. My loving wife and I figured that out a long time ago when we were young and "stupid" I also learned when it came to MIL's insulin it must stay cold or it is no good. You would think an "adult" would be smarter. Hopefully you won't have to worry much longer because you will be in your own place and you will be in total control, at least as much as possible.

[Michael M]

48 minutes ago, tnd said:

Oookay...but she didn't tell me that before otherwise, I would have scheduled a later pickup time instead of having food that needs refrigeration being driven around for more than 2 hours. Maddening! 

Could you ask her to put stuff in a cooler with some ice packs for you?  I keep am insulated bag in my car for frozen items, etc.

[tnd]

8 minutes ago, John9 said:

I have tried numerous times and I haven't been able to nap, I am afraid even if I do then what little sleep I do get at night will be interrupted

John9:  Sometimes we have to sleep when we get the urge. I take a medication that keeps me up. No matter when I take it, I cannot sleep through the night. So if I suddenly get the urge to sleep in the middle of the day I take advantage of that and sleep. I was getting maybe 1-2 hours at a time but just in the past week I've started to get closer to three hours of sleep now. Maybe it's the food. Anyways, sleep when you can. It'll do you some good and then you can work on a more normal schedule later. 

[tnd]

4 minutes ago, Michael M said:

Could you ask her to put stuff in a cooler with some ice packs for you?  I keep am insulated bag in my car for frozen items, etc.

Michael M:  I had an insulated bag, too but don't know if it was packed or not. I have also used coolers. I am very cautious when it comes to food.  Around here, nah...lack of hygiene, old and almost rotting food used in soups, unclean dishes...lots of stuff that makes me cringe. I will give her another chance but if it happens again and she drives around with my food then I am going to say something. It's very hard being in the situation I am in. I have to keep my cool and do whatever it takes to survive until I get my own place. Kind of a tough position to be in but shouldn't be much longer. Can't wait to unpack my hand towels and keep napkins and paper towels in the kitchen. Like I said...some cringeworthy stuff going on.  

[John9]

2 minutes ago, tnd said:

Michael M:  I had an insulated bag, too but don't know if it was packed or not. I have also used coolers. I am very cautious when it comes to food.  Around here, nah...lack of hygiene, old and almost rotting food used in soups, unclean dishes...lots of stuff that makes me cringe. I will give her another chance but if it happens again and she drives around with my food then I am going to say something. It's very hard being in the situation I am in. I have to keep my cool and do whatever it takes to survive until I get my own place. Kind of a tough position to be in but shouldn't be much longer. Can't wait to unpack my hand towels and keep napkins and paper towels in the kitchen. Like I said...some cringeworthy stuff going on.  

tnd,

I do hope for your health and sanity that you are able to move ASAP. Wondering about food safety is not what you need on top of everything else.

[tnd]

2 minutes ago, John9 said:

Wondering about food safety is not what you need on top of everything else.

John9:  I wish I could vent to my (deceased) mother about all this. I could talk to her about stuff like this. But she'd probably cry -and then be mad about the conditions I am living in. So would my husband. I cried about him last night. I didn't cry over the food but I miss being able to go to him for a hug. I don't know how much longer it will be, possibly til after Christmas until I get a place. Francis seems more intent right now on helping her 30 year old former drug addicted son who I don't think the word "former" presently applies, get into an apartment. 

He can't seem to do it without his mommy....no car and wants her to fill out the application and do all the talking. He was already turned down for one place so now trying another. Francis wants him out of here because he doesn't respect her. He instigates arguments and then screams at her with the F-word coming out of his mouth about every other word. I don't blame Francis for wanting him out of here but today/tomorrow they are going to a place where he lived before ending up on the street....the most notorious crime and drug riddled apartment complex in the city. Francis says they have cleaned up their act....I don't think so because they are still in the news for shootings. And my guess is that he will be in trouble again if he moves there. Meanwhile, guess I have to wait my turn. If I can last. 

[steveb]

2 hours ago, tnd said:

Meanwhile, guess I have to wait my turn. If I can last. 

You will last tnd.  You are an incredible human being. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.  

Hugs and prayers heading your way, 

steve

[John9]

5 hours ago, tnd said:

John9:  I wish I could vent to my (deceased) mother about all this. I could talk to her about stuff like this.

tnd,

Yeah, I suppose if my loving wife was in this situation and her Mother didn't have dementia she would have needed to to talk to her too. Sadly as I have said my Mother died when I was 2 so I never had the chance to ever have any talks with her. I basically have the people on this forum and the "good" sister to talk or vent to, and it helps me tremendously but I am still not in a good place.

[tnd]

2 hours ago, steveb said:

You are an incredible human being. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.  

Hugs and prayers heading your way, 

steveb:  Thank you, steveb. I needed that. Since I was asked to stay until Thanksgiving, I was hoping things could go into high gear now. I feel like a caged animal and I think I'd do better healthwise if I was in my own place. I don't know if I'd cry less over missing my husband, probably not. In fact, I think the dam will burst once I am by myself and with my memories. Right now tho, I feel as if I am wasting away. Doesn't mean I am losing my will but living in this house or "The House Of Cuckoo" as I call it, has really weighed me down. It is absolutely nuts at times. I use to think my family was dysfunctional but this one well,whew! A real doozie! I will never question my own sanity again! 

[tnd]

11 minutes ago, John9 said:

Sadly as I have said my Mother died when I was 2 so I never had the chance to ever have any talks with her.

John9:  I am so sorry that you lost your mother at such a young age. That would be a hard thing to live with. And now you are without your wife, your confidant. I could talk to my husband about anything. Before him tho, it was my mother and we continued to talk almost every day until her death. Now we are without both our mothers and spouses. It's so hard. I would've gone nuts without all of you on here to turn to. This site has really helped me. Now I'm just trying to keep it together so I can get out of here. I looked over at my cats and they look just about how I feel right now. They sort of look wore out. We cuddle and I talk to them, we keep each other going. Not the same as being able to reach over and hold my husband's hand or to ask him for a hug but thank goodness my cats like to cuddle. If I had to I'd talk to a gold fish. Thank goodness for this site! 

[John9]

3 minutes ago, tnd said:

Thank goodness for this site! 

tnd,

I agree and I have said if I didn't find this site I might not have made it this far. I also really miss those hugs from my loving wife as well as everything else and I have said before I need to talk to her to help me get through all of this and I do talk to her but as we know it is really a one way conversation so it really is more venting because I have more questions than answers. Of course that just adds more pain and frustration and therefore suffering. I hope you can leave  "The House of Cuckoo" soon.

[KayC]

16 hours ago, John9 said:

you can't teach common sense.

I agree.  It seems you're born with it or you aren't.  My sister came from the same genes as I did and yet is completely opposite from the rest of us!  NO common sense!  Drives me nuts!  I can imagine your frustration and concern, tnd!

10 hours ago, tnd said:

I will never question my own sanity again! 

From what I know of you, no, you shouldn't!  I'm sorry you're having to hold on a little longer!  I do understand her wanting him out.  Maybe things will calm down a bit when he's gone.

9 hours ago, John9 said:

if I didn't find this site I might not have made it this far.

I think a lot of us feel this way!  I would not have made it if not for the grief site I found 16 1/2 years ago.

[John9]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

I think a lot of us feel this way!  I would not have made it if not for the grief site I found 16 1/2 years ago.

KayC,

I am glad you found the "help" you did when you did BECAUSE if not "we" would all be lost without the help you (and others) have given. I know it isn't how you thought your future would be when you married George and when you lost him but I am thankful for your help and I know I have said it before and I will probably say it again because it is true.