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Suicide or murder 5 years later


Obrittany643

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November 19, 2016… I was at the end of a really rough pregnancy(due January 1, 2017)… preterm labor and what not… We we’re trying hard to avoid stresses.. avoid panic attacks, frequent moving, my daughter had to live with my mom til I had my son.. it was the first grandson/nephew born in this family(my nephew(born 2012 I believe) was “adopted” in but that I’ll explain later). Everyone was excited we were going to have the first O(last name) boy and we were all working on helping me cope with getting out of an abusive relationship and having the baby closer to his due date. I was miserable and extremely suicidal(hormones weren’t helping me at all). November 6, 2016(7 years since my uncles death) I was admitted into a hospital due to preterm labor symptoms being dangerous. I saw a video of my nieces birthday party on Facebook. I had no idea at the time it would be the last video I would see with my brother laughing and cutting jokes. I went home a day or so later and was put on strict bed rest. I hadn’t talked to my brother since October when he told me his life was threatened. My mom was talking to him almost daily(or when his “wife” wasn’t home). He seemed happy. Excited about the baby being born soon. Everyone was trying to give me space but keep the excitement going. Here’s that date again… November 19, 2016… a day that will forever be imbedded in my brain for the rest of my life. The pain. The panic. The questions. My roommate woke me and my boyfriend up saying he had a phone call. I was asked shortly after he took the call that I needed to leave the room. Being pregnant I go to the bathroom. Check for any bleeding and pee. By the time I came back I was told to sit down. We needed to talk. “Your brother died this morning…” I screamed. I screamed and woke our other roommates up. I couldn’t do anything but scream and sob. Once I was able to speak I asked “which one?!” (I have 4(I’m the only girl)) I was thinking maybe the oldest one I barely knew got shot or something. He was a swat team commander. But no, it was the one I was closest to. The one that raised me. I screamed. Louder than I had before. We had to call my doc. I smoked 3 cigs for the first time in a few weeks. We were told he was found hanging, with a shotgun close by. Apparent suicide. He was 28. As the weeks went by, his “wife” got “remarried” not even a month later. She was contradicting her own stories constantly. She told us she relapsed on meth. We tried to sympathize and support her. This wasn’t easy. But the marriage to her new boy toy just added insult to injury. We weren’t allowed to see my niece and nephew. We still arent(they are no longer in her care tho but they’re with my cousin in a different state). December 18, 2016 I gave birth to my son(has my brothers name as his middle name). Fast forward to his 29th birthday (sept 25) and I wanted to get his signature as a tattoo in honor of him. It would’ve been my first tattoo. But we got nothing of his belongings. Not even his ashes. 5 years later and I’m still hoping one day I’ll find some of him somewhere. But so far, I’ve come to terms he’s forever gone. No funeral. No memorial. No tombstone or grave. No him. I called for his marriage certificate. He was never married. He thought he was. The adoption certificate wasn’t real. He never adopted my nephew like we all thought. Things were really not adding up at this point. It hadn’t been since before my sons birth. The police can’t find evidence to make an arrest but they suspect foul play. Today, his case is an official cold case. “Cause of death: still under investigation” on the autopsy report. Everyone around me says “it’s been 5 years, you gotta move past this” but I can’t. I guess I’m not trying hard enough. His “wife” is in jail now. She’s been “married” to 3 different guys AT LEAST since my brothers death. It’s September now. I’m in so much pain. Please help me make it stop. 

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Dear Brittany,

I'm very sorry to hear about everything you are dealing with and the pain and sorrow you are feeling. It is understandable to want justice for your brother. It's all very hard. I hope you'll reach out and consider grief counselling, grief support group or talk to a social worker. I find this site particularly helpful. Grief in Common. It offers online grief support.

Sending my thoughts and prayers.

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I’m here to hopefully find help through others like me. So I’ll definitely be looking into different counseling’s as well

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