My mom my best friend passed 3 months ago and I feel lost

[Nmelliot]

As I sit here I know I cannot let myself go, but I also know that I need to cry, grieve and express my emotions. My mother lost her battle to cancer 3 months ago. I thought I was fine with it and I thought I accepted it. She was sick for 28 months and those 28 months became a blessing in disguise. I was in the military and decided to move back home and join the reserves so I could be close

Again. My mother was my rock growing up. It was always me and her. My father was in and out of my life so I feel like I lost my mother and my father all in one day. I used to buy my mom fathers day cards.

I was accepted in to a nursing program over the summer, 18 month post bachelor accelerated program. My mom was ecstatic and so was I. I started school in september and quickly realized that I hadn't even started grieving and my hard shell was cracking. I had to take myself out of school. Luckily my job is taking me back but I haven't started yet.

I feel so lost. I want my mom back but I know the reality is that she is not coming back. I'm upset with myself because I should have known I wasn't ready for school. I'm 25 years old and I need my mom. I have a loving husband, loving friends and family and a huge line up of support yet I still feel alone. I know as I'm laying here in my bed not wanting to get up that I should and go for a run, but I dont want to move. I started counseling and I know this will get better but I'm afraid to destroy myself in the meantime.

I know I am the only one that has control but again I feel lost. I dont know where to start and my emotions have taken over. I'm extremely sensitive and emotional. I know my mom wouldnt want me like this but I know that I feel useless and hopeless to myself. I don't want to feel and be like this but I feel like I can't help it.

I know my life is forever changed without my best friend. There is a group of us friends and 3 of us have lost our moms to cancer. It's awful but we do a half marathon in support and memory and we do a lung cancer walk. I know I need to push myself to move on but this is a feeling I have never felt before.

I'm rambling as you can all see because I feel so lost!!!

Thanks for letting me share, I hope by reaching out this will also help me. I'm so sorry to everyone else who has lost someone...

[SadRN]

Hello, Nikki. I am so very sorry for your loss of your mother. You should not push yourself to get past this. This is the time to grieve, and remember all of those wonderful times with your mother, and let yourself be human. You are right to remember to spend time with loved ones and take care of yourself (eat, sleep, exercise), but you also need the time to let yourself cry and go through all of the emotions. You lost your mother/your best friend. This is probably the biggest loss of your life. I lost my father in April to cancer and it has been a long 5 months. Some things are easier now, and some are not. We were very close and I feel a definite void without him here. But it has made me appreciate all of the important people in my life and cherish moments of pure joy. Hang in there. And keep posting. It really helps to get those emotions out with others. And we are here to help, listen, offer words of encouragement, etc. (And let me know when you are ready for nursing school- I teach at a BSN nursing program and will help anyway I can- but don't worry about that now. Take all the time you need!)