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Lost My Best Friend


OldTrojan

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Yes, it will be a challenge to find him the right home, but I don't want to go there until he's gone, esp. with Kodie, he may turn out a fine dog but I don't want to see him again, it was way too traumatic.  I also don't want him around my grandchildren, even if he has been fine with them, you don't know until it happens...

Thanks for your wishes, Lord knows I've been through way too much trauma with my hands, no coming back from it, this pain is for life.  So is the loss of strength.  I have to hire more and more done it seems.

It's a special person that's a dog groomer, that says a lot about her.

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Hi Kay:

I’m so sorry to hear of your hand problems.  Over the decades, especially when I was young and athletic, I’ve had several hand injuries, and stitches that were not supposed to get wet, which is impossible to avoid.  Since you use your hands so often, healing is a very slow process for hands.  It is hard to be patient, I know.

Also sorry about the pretty dog that has been biting.  There are trainers to cure that, but probably only in larger population centers.  Bear’s older brother started doing that for some reason.  He bit one person that I know of, but became aggressive and threatened many others.  I couldn’t stop him, and his real owner, my landlord, made no attempt, as he generally ignored him anyway.  A person here with a big fenced yard and several other dogs offered to take him in.  I was saddened, but figured that I could give him treats through the fence daily on my morning walk, and stop by later in the day a couple of times a week to take him for a walk.  Instead, my landlord killed him.  I was furious, and miss him still.  But, dogs can’t be allowed to bite people.

On that subject, I joined you as a dog bite victim three days ago.  I’ve mentioned that there is a real problem here with dogs that bite.  Most people let their dogs run loose, both good and bad dogs.  I was doing my early “Bear walk” and a nice dog that I know was attacked by one of the bad dogs that I have often had to hit with rocks.  Foolish, but I tried to intervene, and was kicking the bad guy repeatedly.  An acquaintance was there walking his dog and helped by hitting the bad dog with one of his crutches.  After a while, the bad dog decided to stop chewing on the nice dog and to chew on me.  Five punctures and bled quite a lot, but when I got home and cleaned up, it wasn’t serious and doesn’t require any stitches.

Wednesday was the nine week anniversary, and I seem to be doing a little better, finally.  I still cry quite a lot at certain times of day, and miss Bear terribly.  I have a very long way to go just to be functional again.  I had to remove his picture from my screen saver, as that elicited too much pain for me, especially at night when he’d normally get his good night treat and kiss on the head.   He’ll be back up as soon as I can do so without the terrible grief I feel when looking at him on the monitor.  I know that I will never be the same again, but the slow pace of recovery is miserable and I am disappointed in myself.

Good luck with your hand.

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OldTrojan,

Sorry to hear about your bite and that there are so many issues where you live with the "wild" dogs. I am sorry that Bear's picture (screensaver) causes you the pain it does. I hope that you can get to the point you can put his picture back "up" soon. I know having the pictures of my "friends" and my loving wife does help me to "talk" to them and tell them how much I miss them. I am nowhere near okay with their deaths but it helps me. I would not be disappointed in how you are "recovering" because everyone handles grief differently.

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Please do not feel down on yourself, when my husband died I can't count the times I put his pictures up, took them down, depending on how it made me feel, we do what we have to in order to get through this...finally they were up to stay.  A reminder of the only man I ever had fully reciprocal love with.  The most caring man in the world, I did not see how the sun could not shine without him in it.  Didn't it realize that he had died?!

I am so sorry you took a hit to your hand, you likely saved that dog's life, so horrible that this should happen.  I have not heard from my son in six days so do not know the outcome of Enzo.  My hand does not look good, will go back to the doctor this week as I want his opinion and may have to renew the dreaded antibiotic, ugh.

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KayC,

I am sorry you are having an issue with the latest incident healing. I know from my loving wife's many hand problems that sometimes it takes many "visits" to find out what does or doesn't work, maybe the wrong antibiotic because of the "infection". It does happen because of all of the resistant germs out there these days. Sadly that what one of the "things" that finally was too much for her she was septic and they couldn't figure it out in time to treat along with the other issues she was going through.

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Thanks for the encouragement, Kay and John.  If I knew someone with this kind of grief for so long I’d be sympathetic, but worried that it had gone on for so long.  9+ weeks is a very long time.  He was everything to me, and I miss him terribly, but I should be able to move on. Acknowledging that I can’t ever be quite the same again.

Kay, your doctor may want to prescribe a different antibiotic; it is not good to take too much of the same one.

I have improved with some small things.  I can look at the reef at low tide now and be sad, but not cry.  This was very special to Bear for walks on the 3-4 days per month that we could do so.  I started eating breakfast cereal with milk again.  Bear loved chewing up the milk boxes when I was done.  It was tough throwing out that first one last week.  Sometimes when I took full ones out of the fridge he had a “gimme that” look on his face.  I’m still not cooking dinner, though.  He would patiently wait on the kitchen floor for his bit, and I talked to him while cooking.  Cooking by myself will be a big step forward for me.  Soon, I hope.

It’s a sad season now.  There are a couple of neighborhood female dogs in heat, and they are surrounded by groups of male dogs.  Since people let their dogs roam free here, these groups are tantamount to gang rape.  I feel so sorry for the females.  But, this also leads to violent fights between the males over the females, and sometimes serious injuries.  On my morning “Bear walk” this morning this played out in the parking lot in front of the store here.  A nice female that was a friend of Bear’s was surrounded by five males, sometimes fighting with each other over the female.  One of the males being attacked was another of Bear’s good pals.  I learned my lesson about intervention a few days ago, but threw rocks at two of the males attacking the nice dog, and he then followed me back home behind the store for sanctuary, and spent three hours there.  There was nothing that I could do for the female.  I wish that people would keep their females inside during this time, but people here don’t care.  Tough place for dogs, and those who like them.

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OldTrojan,

I also have many "triggers" from my loving wife and my pets dying, memories and routines like when she was cooking and the dogs were "begging" or how I would walk behind her and hug her or "grab" her butt. I was only "cooking" for MIL after my loving wife died and I wasn't eating much, since MIL died in August I don't cook at all and just barely eat still. My dogs all loved peanut butter and whenever I eat it all I think of is them. Actually they all begged from me and I gave them food all the time so anytime I do eat all I think of is how much I miss them. Missing my loving wife is a whole different set of triggers and emotions but I do understand what you are dealing with. Many people told me to get another dog but I don't know if I can go through all of this again.

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One thing I've learned about the grief journey is that there are no "shoulds" that apply!  No timeline, none for how we handle it or how long it takes...it takes what it takes, it's individual for each of us, so many things factor in, I've even said "probably our family placement factors in!"  Seriously, everything affects how we do this, our own coping mechanisms, experience, personality, resilience, how deep our love was/is, the interaction we had, you name it.  No one can judge us for how we do this or how long it takes, not even ourselves.  Sometimes we need to lower our expectations of ourselves and give ourselves the gift of understanding and patience, part of our self-care.  :wub:

13 hours ago, John9 said:

Many people told me to get another dog but I don't know if I can go through all of this again.

I love dogs, I have love to give, I knew no dog would ever be my Arlie, yet life seemed empty without a loving companion in it, so I decided to adopt.  I don't know that there IS a "right time" but just doing it.  I know not to compare as comparisons devalue, yet some things are obvious, what I learned is not to EXPECT the next dog to be like the one we had.  Instead love them for the qualities they bring to the table.  The things that are NOT replaced are a testament to the one we lost, for sure and nothing will ever fully still the grief that is within us but little by little that new little one can bring life and love to us again.

When we close ourselves off to the possibility, we deprive ourselves of some joy in living, and we deprive the dog of having a loving home.  So I took the risk, for there is always risk if you want love in your life...and I hit the lottery!  I miss everything about Arlie, I always will, but I also fully enjoy my little Kodie.

I redubbed this article Getting Another Pet as we NEVER "replace" one. Getting another Pet

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KayC,

I am not a never say never type of person really, but with all I have and gone through and what I am going through now I am not feeling it. I love "pets" and dogs especially because they are dogs and love you, cats tolerate you sometimes. I don't need the responsibility of a dog right now and it was different when "we" shared everything but I don't feel it is right at this time. I don't know the future if there is one for me so I can't speak in absolutes "maybe" is the best I could give. We had so many animals that have died in the last 35 years and most of them are buried throughout the "yard" to the point I don't even remember where most are. We had many at the same time and when one would die we were sad but the others helped us through the grief and also we had each other too. My loving wife was the one who "decided" on all of the animals we got after we were together, I had 2 dogs when we first got together and no cats. There was an advantage/disadvantage to her working for a Veterinary Clinic. I am not a hard-hearted person I am just "lost" right now and hurting and....I have said before and will continue to do so all advice is read and "filed" and possibly  acted on at a future point.

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20 hours ago, John9 said:

the others helped us through the grief

My point exactly.  My life would be so bleak w/o Kodie.  What you are feeling is kind of what I'm feeling about trying to get another cat, I've had one all my adult life, but Kitty passed 1/6/20 and I have not felt up to getting another yet, maybe someday is the best I can muster.  I just have so much on my plate.  So I get how you're feeling.  You have been through taking care of your wife, losing her, taking care of her mother, losing her, you're still settling the estate, it's a helluva lot on one person.  I hope for your sake that someday you'll feel in a better frame of mind and can have someone to share your life with, someone to give it meaning...by someone, I mean a furry someone, for I know you're not interested in anything beyond that.  :wub:

 

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Hi Kay

Thanks for the thought.  It has been a very melancholy week.  I am still overwhelmed about Bear.  When I think that I might be doing better, something always seems to happen to the contrary.  Saturday when I was shopping I ran into an acquaintance who I had not seen in a while who has two beautiful spaniels. We usually talk about our loved dogs when we meet, and he asked me about Bear and I started crying again.  I had hoped that I was beyond crying like that.  I really miss the puppy that I was walking at lunchtime.  He was developing personality, we were bonding, and he was getting good at fetch.  Suddenly gone.  I used to bring four dog biscuits when I visited in the early morning: Emi, Marcus, puppy and the nice little female dog, but only two now.  I’m always sad when I see how poorly cared for many dogs are here.  This morning on my “Bear walk” one of his friends came up and wanted his head scratched.  He’s one of the good guys, but had huge blood-engorged ticks on him.  I took seven off of him, which his people should be doing.  It is common for me to do that with the friendly dogs, whose people are remiss.   Last week I took six big ones of off little Emi, so her people are not checking her and removing them.  I feel sorry for her, as her people keep her tied up very short so she can not move around much.  I’ve talked to them about it, but they rarely take my advice.  Also, I think about my several friends at home that I only recently discovered to have passed away.

You and John have lived this, and much worse with the loss of a spouse.   Your experience, advice, sympathy and hard-earned wisdom have been invaluable to me, and I can not thank you enough.  As bad as I still feel, it would be worse without the generous help that you, John and others have provided.  I know that there is no schedule for recovery, but tomorrow is another Wednesday, the 11th one, and I know that it will be too emotional.

Thanks again.

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I am so sorry, I know how hard this journey is, nothing prepares us for it, nor does anything seem to soften the blows.  If there were a way around it, I surely would have found it by now, but I've learned there's no way but straight through it, pain and all, it is in doing that we process our grief, but I've also learned it lessens some, although I can't say when because everyone's timeline and adjusting is as unique as the relationship they're grieving.  I only know we could not handle it if the rest of our lives remained at the same depth of pain, so I'm glad our bodies adjust some, even though grief continues.  It's weird to me that we get used to this, but we do, as unfathomable as that seemed in the earlier time.  It's consoling in a way, although some try to hang onto even their pain in an attempt to not lose any feeling for the other, as if that could happen!  It's not our grief that binds us to them, however, it's our love, and that continues still...and always will.

I'm sorry Wednesdays hit you...it was that way with Sundays for me for a long while, and of course Father's Days still hit as well as June 19th, I think it always will, I hate that it happened on a holiday that roves the date of the month because most years I get a double whammy with the anniversary of death.  With Arlie it was August 16th.  I have only to look out in the back yard as I'm hit with a reminder as they're both there, Arlie's body buried near the vine maple and George's ashes scattered in front of a giant DF, close by.  I have many pets buried in the area they lay, each with their own memorial stone.  I told my kids that is where I want my ashes scattered so if they ever sell this place, that will have to be in the contract.  I hope it doesn't give the new owners the heebie jeebies, we wouldn't haunt them or anything, I think of it more as a peaceful place to lie in rest.

You have a heart for dogs, so do I, I try to get mats out of their fur when they'll let me, it horrifies me how many owners "take care of their dogs."  

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OldTrojan, KayC,

I am Sadly triggered on too many days because of all of the "people" deaths and too many "animal" deaths. I had made a comment many years ago and it really hits and hurts now. I said that there is only 366 possible days in a year (counting leap year) and something "bad" has happened on everyone throughout history and also something "good". This doesn't make what has happened any easier and in my case my loving wife died on a Saturday, my friend died on a Wednesday and MIL died on a Sunday and my animal friends died on various days also so "everyday" seems to trigger me. I understand the various triggering events and the random ones also. Just when I think it is changing it is like running into a wall of emotions again. I don't like that people don't understand the commitment that they "made" when taking a pet into their lives and that is why right now I won't have more than my loving wife's cats. Whenever I look outside I know many of our animals are buried there and some have "markers" and some don't because there have been so many and we didn't create a ""cemetery at first just gave them a proper burial. Our son knows that I want him to keep things as they are when I die but beyond that it will be out of my control (as if I am in control of anything).

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I very rarely dream any more.  I have several painful problems that usually wake me up during the night before I can get into the deep sleep in which dreams occur.  Last night I had a great dream of former reality.  Bear and I were going for our early morning walk.  He was always excited, and sometimes in his impatience would chomp on the leash before I could hook him up and try to drag me around.  Once I got him hooked up, he would be in a rush to walk, sniff everything, and socialize with his dog friends on our route and would pull strongly like he was doing the Iditarod.  In the dream we had just a typical morning walk; he was happy, and I was happy.  I woke up and was terribly saddened at reality.

I read a lot about grief, especially in the first month, but I never read about dreams.  Intuitively I would assume that it is normal for people who do dream to do so about the person or pet that they lost.  Did you have dreams in your grief?  If so, I hope they were good dreams like mine.  I’d like to have that dream every night if I were able.  Time goes on.  Tomorrow is another Wednesday, number 12, and I’ll have a difficult time again.

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OldTrojan,

I have commented on the other forums that my loving wife used to always tell me about her vivid dreams, I have never really remembered mine except the short ones right before waking up the quick "snooze" ones. I do however seem to remember the nightmares (like the one I'm living now) and luckily I haven't had many lately, which was I believe the calming effect she had on me but now. I would love to have a good repetitive dream where we are happy and spending time together again but I can't say I have had that. I understand the grieving and the fact that Wednesday does it because Saturday (sadderday) does it to me. I do try not to overthink because I have had so much loss in the last year and a half that right now I think that someone has died on every day of the week, including pets. Just last week Tuesday my wife's cousin died at the age of 38 (too young) and MIL died on a Sunday and my friend on a Wednesday and.......I can only try as MIL had said take it one day at a time or one thing at a time. We will grieve as long as we need to and there is nothing that will make it happen any sooner than what we can. I am a total wreck in every definition of the word and I have to fight just to do anything but I am still here and I am still trying and I am sure you are as well. I have been told that I am stronger than I think I am and you are probably too and the fact we are still here is proof of that I guess. I can't say if and when it will ever be easy for you on Wednesdays or any other day for that matter but it might be "easier". This stage of our lives was not what we wanted but the grief shows how much we LOVE(D) the ones we lost and that is what helps me as much as I miss them. I am rambling so I will end with try as much as you can and be sad when you need to be because I know I am.

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15 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

He was always excited, and sometimes in his impatience would chomp on the leash before I could hook him up and try to drag me around.  Once I got him hooked up, he would be in a rush to walk, sniff everything, and socialize with his dog friends on our route and would pull strongly like he was doing the Iditarod.  In the dream we had just a typical morning walk; he was happy, and I was happy.

I love this description!  It made me smile...until you woke up.  Kodie is like that, he spins and spins when he sees me put on my shoes!  He is little but oh my, what a puller he can be!  He likes taking ahold of the leash in the middle and play tug of wore, shaking it violently, the puppy playfulness coming out!  I never want him to change.  Alas, so hard to see them age...and worst of all...lose them.  My heart goes out to you as I read this.

15 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

Did you have dreams in your grief?

Extremely rare for me, even when I lost my husband.  I didn't understand it, he was so much a part of my everyday life, always together when not working, yet it took me a year to dream of him, and when I did I was wondering where the hell he'd been!  I was so mad at myself when I woke up, for being mad at him in my dream, wasting precious time with him!  In reality, we rarely were cross with each other, always treating each other with the utmost care and respect.  I don't recall dreaming of Arlie, but then I take sleeping pills now or I don't sleep.  Maybe that keeps me from remembering them?

14 hours ago, John9 said:

I would love to have a good repetitive dream where we are happy and spending time together again

Me too.  I haven't had success with conjuring up dreams, although Marty Tousley (owner/adm of my other group) Grief Counselor and friend, says it's possible...more like our LIFE together was a dream!
control your dreams? Here's how you can -- ScienceDaily
Dream, How To Control Your (While You're Sleeping) | HuffPost
Dreams control

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KayC,

I have read about trying and/or being able to control your dreams and I have to say that sadly it didn't work for me. I figure if I do that is good but if I don't I can't handle more "rejection", so whatever happens is out of my control and I will accept that as the way it is for now. I am just afraid of wanting it so much and not receiving it that I will feel like a failure again and I am already going through those cycles in my thoughts. I miss my loving wife and I miss "all" of those I have lost in the past 60 years and it is all coming at me full force right now and it just keeps on hitting so hard.

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That's how it is with me too, John.  I've been told we can by a grief therapist but I don't worry about it, if it works for someone else, that's nice for them.  I put the articles out there in case it might help someone else, maybe we aren't all into this as some, but I do know George was there with me that one time I called the soc. sec. office on a Fri. afternoon and the hold time was so long they answered just before quitting time and she wanted me off the phone so she told me I'd get $250/month.  My anxiety kicked in full bore, the start of a three day weekend!  That eve. I was lying on the bed and I felt George's hand on my shoulder/back, it instantly brought me calm and peace!  No one can tell me I imagined it, it was real, I'd know his touch AND his effect on me any time!  I was at peace through the weekend, called the local soc. sec. office Tues. morning and a guy walked me through filing, including getting Medicare automatically deducted from it, and no it wasn't $250, it was $900+, I figure the lady had been talking off the top of her head to get me gone, not caring what she did to someone on the other end of the phone.  That one visit from him was enough to hold me, it told me everything I needed to know, he is with me.

I have heard that it's hard for their spirit to break through, that he did that for me meant the world...it was 12 years after he'd died.

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KayC,

I am very glad that George was able to help you especially at a very bad time for you. I would very much like if my loving wife was able to help me because it is so hard right now and I need her so much. As I have said before this is the worst thing that has happened and there has been many things and I am very much at my wits end and the pain and the loneliness is terrible. I suppose that my loving wife isn't coming because if it is hard she knows I would want her to be here all of the time and it wouldn't be right to make her suffer through that as that wouldn't be Heaven would it. I just know what the broken heart wants and the broken brain too. The rest of me just wants it to be over and for the pain to stop.

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I don't think they suffer, the Bible says there's no more tears, no more pain, by hard I meant difficult to achieve.

I don't know how any of this works, only what I experienced, it was very real.  I know someone (Darrell) whose wife would ring his doorbell.  It brought him comfort.  It's weird how we all experience something different, I haven't had anything ongoing but the pansies spring up on the anv. of his death having made it through deep snowy winter in a place they'd never been before (pansies were our flower, he called it the smiling flower) was a clear msg to me when I most needed it.  Another time, besot with financial/car problems, a pansy springing up through the cement!  When improbabilities happen and it's something meaningful to the two of you, I'd definitely take it as a sign.  When he died there was a terrible thunder storm, torrential rain AND a triple rainbow!  To me that was definitely a sign...he shook the heavens making his entrance!  It brought me a smile to learn that and my sister captured pics, the third one too faint for the camera but she saw it, at the exact moment he died, I used the picture on thank you notes for his memorial.

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KayC,

I have accepted all signs that i "have" received, but I haven't had any lately and with what is happening it is disheartening and doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I am trying but it is hard. Today I was cutting back the hostas in the backyard and was sad because they are hers and she enjoyed them so much. It's everything that gets to me, little and big out of nowhere and expected things. I can't prepare for them it just happens and it sometimes just knocks me for a loop.

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Yes, grief does that. :(

OldTrojan, how's your bite/s?  It's been four weeks since mine, seems healed but now have more trauma/arthritis, as if I needed it.

My seven year old roof leaked again yesterday, roofer long absconded with the warranty, his assets protected.  Had my current roofer out, he put some goop under the shingles, said there was a nail clear through for the flashing, he doubts the goop will hold as we have continuous rain, no end in sight, but he'll come back out and check it Tuesday, no idea how much this will set me back.  Cursing under breath at old roofer. :angry:

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KayC,

It just never seems like "we" can catch a break does it. And I know in the grand scheme of life if you look back some things are much worse than others but a leak could be a big deal and hopefully the real repair doesn't cost much. I am debating now about fixing/junking my van because the brakes are going and the cost will be equal or more than I would get to junk it but it comes in handy for "hauling" materials and stuff that won't fit in other vehicles. I may nurse it until the insurance is due unless it totally goes out on me. This is just something I don't need to have to deal with.

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Kay, you have had some amazing experiences indicating the presence of George.  You are fortunate for these.  There is so much that we can not understand.

Two of the five punctures from the dog bites still have scabs, but will be completely healed soon.  I kept the wounds clean, sprayed with antiseptic, and covered with antibiotic ointment and bandages.  It has taken a while for these two worst ones.  I haven’t seen that dog since, fortunately.

Good luck with your roof; I know first hand of the problems with leaks.

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John, I keep my truck but rarely use it, hate to think what it's cost me in liability ins. all this time, all "in case" I can't get out because of snow.  In reality I'd probably just stay home if it snowed.  Still I hate feeling trapped.  I can't fit Kodie plus something else into the truck though, don't even have room for groceries in bad weather.  And I hate driving it out of town, it's 1989.  I understand your dilemma.

15 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

I kept the wounds clean, sprayed with antiseptic, and covered with antibiotic ointment and bandages.

I did this for quite a while but then the PA that specializes in Sports Medicine and Injuries told me to put Neosporin on it at night and leave the bandages off, only covering in the daytime so it'd get air to heal, and that seemed to help, but first I had to get it to where it didn't bleed anymore, that took a long time!  Tomorrow it's one month since the bite/s. I still have trauma and now more arthritis lurking under the skin.  I'm glad you haven't seen that dog, I hope you have Halt Spray or something in your pocket!  I carry it for my little guy but sometimes they attack so fast it's no time to react/think!

Trust me, I've had experience with roofs too, unfortunately, I bought five inside of five years!  Three of the contractors were horrid and I got no recourse, disappeared!  So much for their licenses/experience.  The fourth I keep and won't even call anyone else now!  He's good and his work never leaks.  I learned a lot from these experiences, but couldn't afford the lessons.

 

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Another Wednesday, #14, came and went.  Terrible day for me, but not as bad as previous days.  I feel that I am finally making some progress.  I am still saddened with so much grief, and cry, especially when I visit him daily, but I am now headed the right way, I think.  I miss him beyond words, though, and I am sure that I always will.  Making the day worse, it was the 11 month anniversary of sweet Momma Dog being killed by a negligent driver.  A couple of months before that, my landlord killed Buddy.  We had three happy healthy dogs here then, and now they are all dead.

This is such a difficult place for dogs, and dog people.  So many nice dogs have died prematurely.  The puppy that I was walking recently died, and the nice short female who liked hanging out there with Marcus and Emi disappeared, assumed dead.  Five of Bear’s good friends that he (and I) played with on the courthouse lawn disappeared, presumed dead.  Stressful on the emotions.

There was a near tragedy yesterday, when a nice young dog, almost still a puppy, was almost hit by a car when running across the street.  I waved my arms to get the driver’s attention and pointed at the dog, but he ignored me and missed him by no more than a foot.  For most people here, dogs are “just dogs”.  He’s a playful little guy who appeared at the court house after Bear’s death, and I always play with him.  I was walking on the other side of the street yesterday, and when he saw me started running across the street to play and was almost hit.  In the future, I’ll walk on his side of the street.

I’m seeing some daylight.

Thinking of young dogs, Kay, do you have a picture of Kodie to share?

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OldTrojan,

I am "glad" you seem to be headed the "right way". It is sad that too many people feel dogs are "just dogs" not just there but in many places. I am sure that after losing Bear, seeing his (and yours) friends go missing brings up bad feelings or sad ones.  I know that I am constantly thinking of our animals lost in the last almost 2 years and of course my loving wife and my friend and MIL and 2 weeks ago my wife's cousin died suddenly too (at only 38) so I understand the tears and I always crying for "someone" there are so many triggers and so many reasons.

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It is so good to hear from you!  I have been wondering how you are.

I posted this in the other section, but thought you might appreciate it, dog lover/carer that you are...

We had a visitor last night at dinnertime.  Someone called and said their puppy was loose, very worried!  I told Kodie about it and told him she could get in with bad dogs that bite or horses that stomp and her mom and dad are worried!  He understands, he's been through both.  He climbed onto his recliner by the window as I'd told him to let me know if he sees her.  He did!  I ran out with a huge treat and ingratiated myself with her and then got my gate open and gave her another one to come inside it, she started scratching on my freshly painted house door so I let her in.  She acted like a feral cat only happy!  Kodie shared his dinner with her and she ran around the house, he was most hospitable!  I called her parents and they came to get her.  I took her out on a leash (hooks around the core instead of my hands) and she had quite an adventure to tell her mom!  I told them I wanted her to know she has a safe kind place to come to so she'll think of our house if there's a next time and not go to a dangerous place.  Been through this with Arlie!

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Hi Kay

Thanks.  Nice story.  It’s great that Kodie was hospitable to a new dog guest, rather than being territorial.  Are there predators around your area that could harm a dog?

Bear was very sociable with other dogs and would have been the same way with such a guest.  He was the opposite with people, and was scared of people, even those he knew.  Even though he had been chewed up before by bad dogs when he was a little guy (part of how he became “my guy”) he still tried to play with most dogs.  Some of his pals would follow us back here, or just come by for a visit, which made him happy, especially after both Momma Dog and his brother died leaving him alone for the first time.  He really never quite recovered from their deaths.  Unfortunately, my landlord didn’t want other dogs here, and would chase them away when he saw them, which saddened Bear.

Today is another dreaded Wednesday.  Every week seems to have one.  This is #15, and I had hoped to be farther along by now in recovery.  I am much better, but still have such a long way to go.  This morning when on my “Bear walk” a local guy who I didn’t know asked where Bear was, and I couldn’t stop the tears when trying to answer.

I know that I will never be the same.  Some time ago in one of these conversations Gary said that he could never be the same after losing Goldy, and I understand now even more than I did then.  The sadness will never leave, even after the painful grieving does.

It is a terrible shame that dogs have such short lives to share with us.  I recall reading once that we never actually own dogs; we only rent them until God takes them back.

John, everyone here on this site has experienced grief from terrible losses in their lives, but you, my friend, have had so much more than anyone.  You are stronger than you think to have gone through all of this.  Hang in there.

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OldTrojan,

Thank you for the thoughts. I agree that it is a shame that dogs (and cats too) have such a short life which is why I am right now taking care of my loving wife's cats and not getting myself another dog. I have lost too much and don't want to lose any more I don't think I can handle it. I completely understand your comment that each week has another Wednesday because it also has another Saturday and that is one of my many triggers in regards to my loving wife and the last one was week 34 and they are getting harder each week. I also understand your friends comment about never being the same after the death of Goldy. I can only hope that the memories of Bear can help you through the Wednesday pain and the rest of the week too.

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Hi KayC, John and Phil. Just been catching up with all the posts. It's awful to read of how dogs are treated where you are Phil. I can't begin to imagine all those lives lost in the last short time. Saturday used to be my favourite day, now my least favourite. It will be 11 months, if I go by the day, this Saturday. Thanks for remembering that I said I'd never be the same after Goldie. Its so true, ive changed totally. I am thinking of a rescue, but as yet haven't been able to. I think maybe that will bring a little routine back, as I hardly go out now. Even now tears are always there. Thinking of you all 

Gary 

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Gary55,

I totally understand the comment about Saturday as I stated earlier. I also understand the part about hardly going out as my entire world has changed so much with all of the deaths I have had to deal with and I really just don't care about too much right now. The things I used to do for the people I was caring for I don't need to do and don't want to do. It is all I can really do to force myself to get out of bed and get dressed and do what I have to do. Without my "old" routines and reasons life has no meaning for me. I will continue as long as God "makes" me but it really hurts.

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15 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

Are there predators around your area that could harm a dog?

Oh yes, living in the mountains/country there are wild animals, bears don't mess with them but if a dog engaged a deer it would get ugly, also cougars live in the woods and are often in the forest (my back yard) so my dog's fence is in the front not back.  Fox, raccoons, skunks, you name it, abound.  They can also slip into horses corrals and get stomped on, or in with vicious dogs, some people aren't good at protecting others from their mean dogs.  I have some across the street.

I don't think our lives are ever the same after loss, but even more importantly...after having had them in our lives.  They made a tremendous impact on us and are never forgotten.  Yesterday I was really missing Kitty, thinking about how she always took care of the mice in the house and Arlie too, I don't recall Miss Mocha getting them as she slept a lot.  But 
Kodie & I make a good team! He alerts me to a mouse and I kill it. He stands guard and watches them!  He did get gone when I went after it with a fireplace poker. :D I rewarded him for his good work with some cheese. Second one in two days. Good job, Kodie!

But all this stirred up memories of Kitty and Arlie, which led to thoughts of Miss Mocha and how the four of us were a family. :(

 

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

But all this stirred up memories of Kitty and Arlie, which led to thoughts of Miss Mocha and how the four of us were a family. 

KayC,

This is of course part of my "problem" my loving wife and I had so many cats and dogs in the 35 years and each was unique and each one of them has there own triggers for the memories. Obviously the more recent deaths are hardest for me at this moment and without my loving wife here to help me with their deaths all of it is just so overwhelming and constant. I try to be thankful (I really am) for all we had but the pain just overtakes me.

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I understand.  I've had a passle full and loved them all, but it seems the more recent ones are the hardest...years ago my life was full, busy raising kids, married, but in the last 16 years I've been on my own and it's me and my animals, so they are my world, naturally their absence is a stark reminder of all I've lost.

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15 minutes ago, KayC said:

I understand.  I've had a passle full and loved them all, but it seems the more recent ones are the hardest...years ago my life was full, busy raising kids, married, but in the last 16 years I've been on my own and it's me and my animals, so they are my world, naturally their absence is a stark reminder of all I've lost.

KayC,

Like "we" need to be reminded of our losses, we have to "live" it everyday and night. I do understand as much as anyone will ever understand the way things are. As I have said though it is just too much too soon without any real break and it is so hard to process. I trust that God's plan is fulfilled soon.

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Hi Gary.  Nice to hear from you.

There are a couple of things that you wrote that really stuck with me.  One, that you’d never be the same.  I felt this all along, but never articulated it as such.

The other was that people saw you and Goldie as a team.  That is very much the case here for me.  Bear and I walked three times a day for about an hour each time, and people in the neighborhood saw us together far more than just me by myself.  Since it is warm here all the time, we were out every day without cold winter as a deterrent.  So many people have asked where Bear is, seeing me alone the last 15 weeks+, and as recently as just four days ago.  I still can’t answer without crying.

Phil

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Hi Phil, yes I totally get it. Me and Goldie were out all the time, hours and hours a day. I said to my wife that everyone I talked to, and apart from the guy next door, I only knew because of him. I'm still in tears each time I meet someone ive not met since. Walking alone sucks as they say. We were a team, he was my right hand man. I know how you feel Phil, I really do. 

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11 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

So many people have asked where Bear is, seeing me alone the last 15 weeks+, and as recently as just four days ago.  I still can’t answer without crying.

(((hugs))) Went through that as well.  I just ran into a former mailman that asked about Arlie, It's been over two years he's been gone, it was hard to tell him....

4 hours ago, Gary55 said:

Walking alone sucks as they say.

That's how I came to walk Joe (neighbor's chow) and he pretty much destroyed my hands...Arlie never bit, never yanked on me, was a gentle giant.  I miss him.

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Hi Kay;

I understand entirely why you were walking Joe, even with hand problems.  I missed it so much and volunteered to walk the puppy (Brownie).  He was still just a little guy and not interested in much distance, but it was chance to be untied and walking around and playing with Emi.  Walking is fun for both dog and person, and bonding time for both. 

I volunteered to walk Emi, but they did not want me to do so.  She doesn’t get enough walking time as it is.  They just walk her around their little parking area and the small grass area next to it.  She needs more, and they keep her tied up so short that she can’t move around much.  I’m really dismayed by how they treat her on several issues, but they don’t take much of my advice.

Tomorrow is the eight month anniversary of Bear finding her in a box of trash, and the long ordeal of taking so many ticks off of her tiny body.  She’s been a special girl for me ever since.  I guessed that she was no more than two months old then, so she’s growing up.

Phil

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Many years ago,10 or so I used to walk our Catahoula Leopard dog every morning for about an hour maybe 2 and 1/2 miles. I walked him because it was good exercise for both of us and to expend some of his energy. He was deaf and I had a vest to alert everyone so they wouldn't surprise him and come upon him. Our walks pretty much ended when MIL moved in because I couldn't leave her alone for that long. I tried when my loving wife was home but then everything just started getting worse and not enough time to be everywhere and to do everything. He was the first unexpected death of 2020 and was a shock because he was the youngest dog we had. It happened right at the start of the pandemic and like my loving wife's death I didn't get to say goodbye to him but at least she did. I just miss "everyone" none more than my loving wife but I do miss my animals too.

20200326_142819 (3).jpg

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14 hours ago, OldTrojan said:

I understand entirely why you were walking Joe, even with hand problems.

I didn't HAVE hand problems until Joe, he started them with an ultra hard yank, necessitating surgery, which was not only botched but not the right surgery for it!  They did carpal tunnel, which is not what it was, it was arthritis caused by injuries, now I've had many more (11 in all) including a hard bite from Joe on the other hand, same hand as a dermatologist did severe damage and my son's dog just added to the mix with the worst bite of all.  I'm literally terrified of getting any more bites!  Very little strength left and a lot of constant pain.  I still love and miss Joe, so much.  I'll never know why he bit me but as he's done so twice, I cannot trust him, he's old, deaf, going blind, has a lot of pain, I got him on CBD oil and that helped him so he could walk, he's nearly 14 now.  He comes to the gate when I go by but his brother is the one that attacked Kodie (Joe did so once too) so I no longer go over there as I can''t trust their dogs.  I miss their kids/family as well.  I'm afraid this turned out badly, didn't help me, broke my heart and ruined me physically.

John your dog is beautiful, so sad that so many lose their hearing.

Phil  (((hugs)))  (bear)

 

 

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49 minutes ago, KayC said:

John your dog is beautiful, so sad that so many lose their hearing.

KayC,

Thank you and "we" should have known he was deaf when we adopted him, but we went to an event from the local Humane Society and he had the most beautiful blue eyes (cracked ice) and mostly white animals with blue eyes are pre-disposed to deafness. Which my loving wife should have remembered from working at the Veterinarian Office. We didn't find out until we had already bonded with him and there was no way we were getting rid of him. He was a challenge sometimes but when he died so suddenly and so young it ripped my heart out and it was very hard digging his grave through all of the tears and it wasn't any easier for the others that died after him.

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John – He was a nice looking guy.  Very striking eyes.  It was wonderful of you to stick with him through his deafness.  We love our dogs.

I know exactly what you mean about tears at a burial.  I have big problems with my back, right shoulder and right elbow.  There is no way that I could dig a grave, especially in the hard ground here that is landfill.  As much as I criticize my landlord for his inhumane attitude toward his dogs, he understood my grief about Bear, and my physical limitations.  Despite having an employee coming to work on a project, he took the time for the major effort to dig the very difficult grave for me.  I asked him to let me be alone with Bear, kissed my best friend on his head for the last time, and shoveled the loose earth into his grave.  I was sobbing uncontrollably, and occasionally still do at his grave.  Like Gary, I’ll never be the same.  I often see him at the bottom of his grave before I filled it, and it is gut wrenching.  I’m crying as I write this at the image that this invokes.  Today is another Wednesday, number 16, and still have so many tears about my best pal.

Kay – that is a terrible story about your hand.  Do you have recourse against the doctor?  Errors in surgery are very serious in the US.

Phil

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OldTrojan,

It was nice of your landlord to help you in burying Bear, I have been the only one who ever dug the graves and yes the placement of our "friends" and seeing the reminder is hard. As I said before I definitely understand how hard the "day" is. I have been crying everyday since my loving wife died (248 days) and I know it is mostly about her, whenever I am thinking about the many deaths this year it is another trigger and the tears flow. I have cried so much and my eyes are always burning from the tears. I don't think I will ever recover from all of this and I know that I will never be the same either in any way. As much as I loved having dogs I don't think I can go through it again and my loving wife's cats are here but it isn't the same as you know dogs show their affection different than cats do. Dogs are loyal, cats are cats and we had cats for 35 years .

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On 11/16/2021 at 7:37 AM, John9 said:

We didn't find out until we had already bonded with him and there was no way we were getting rid of him.

And you wouldn't have done any different.  Their impairments mean nothing to us when we love them.  I fell in love with Arlie from a picture in the newspaper, his perky ears and bright smile, that was it for me, I knew I had to have him.  I found out right after he had Kennel Cough (easily treatable) and Acute Chronic Colitis (had to be managed through diet and supplements) and couldn't tolerate antibiotics.  He'd been starving so perhaps that's why?  I only know the previous owners never came for him, I don't understand that for the life of me, but their loss was my gain!
Here's a link to the picture that won me over! 

 

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John, my Miss Mocha and King George were very loving (lap cats), Miss Mocha would knead us, King George always my greeter.  He had a hump nose and halitosis but he didn't know it, he thought he was top notch!  :D  We never told him any different.  I sure miss them all.

 

Phil, I'm not interested in suing anyone, could have sued everyone but that doesn't get my hands back. ;)

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