Realization

[KayC]

23 hours ago, John9 said:

My loving wife and I really enjoyed what other people would have called boring.

Us too, although George was more extrovert than me.  I think my husband made my social life...it ended abruptly when he died.

 

23 hours ago, John9 said:

I am afraid if I veg out now my brain will stop altogether.

  I love it!  This was such a great statement!  I see the humor in it but also the seriousness behind it.  I like you. 

 

23 hours ago, John9 said:

My loving wife and I really enjoyed what other people would have called boring.

Us too, although George was more extrovert than me.  I think my husband made my social life...it ended abruptly when he died.

 

23 hours ago, John9 said:

I am afraid if I veg out now my brain will stop altogether.

  I love it!  This was such a great statement!  I see the humor in it but also the seriousness behind it.  I like you. 

 

[tnd]

On 2/23/2022 at 11:05 AM, John9 said:

I am afraid if I veg out now my brain will stop altogether.

John9:  When I look back, I've been on edge for a long, long time now. Even a few years before losing my husband. I don't know what it's like to not have to think or do anything anymore. For anyone who has driven a clutch drive, it's like being stuck in high gear while trying to shift down and all you hear is a sick grinding noise. But we can't be afraid to keep trying. 

[John9]

22 hours ago, KayC said:

I like you. 

KayC,

I like you too, because you have great insights. I have said if not for the people here and other forums< I don't know where I would be on this journey. I am still going one long day and night at a time. I had the thoughts yesterday that it all really began 1 year ago today, when my loving wife got her first vaccine and then started having a reaction that everyone ignored until it was obviously too late to help her. I will never understand how and why people don't listen anymore. I ended up having to call about MIL paperwork again yesterday, I asked about the 1099-R and was told it hasn't been sent. I explained I talked to someone in January and was told to wait until the beginning of February and that I emailed asking and again was told to wait. After all that I was told now it will take up to 17 "business" days to receive it and they can't email it either, the person said that when I called in January they should have sent it out then. So much incompetence in the world today and no way to avoid it. Also sent an email to the Attorney and asked a question and again they didn't seem to read the email.

[John9]

9 hours ago, tnd said:

John9:  When I look back, I've been on edge for a long, long time now. Even a few years before losing my husband. I don't know what it's like to not have to think or do anything anymore. For anyone who has driven a clutch drive, it's like being stuck in high gear while trying to shift down and all you hear is a sick grinding noise. But we can't be afraid to keep trying. 

tnd,

Good analogy, I am still trying to keep going because I have no choice. I am here until it is finally over, it has just never been so hard to just exist. This is not a life anymore, it is barely an existence and it is very difficult to endure all alone without my loving wife. I can and will say that things were not perfect even when my loving wife was alive and there were struggles that were overwhelming at times, however when my loving wife was with me it was tolerable and we made it through as rough as they were. Now it is hard just to get out of bed in the morning, which I do mostly because it hurts too much physically to be in bed. Lying there also just makes the broken brain start going over everything again, at least if I am up and moving there are some small distractions.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, John9 said:

I asked about the 1099-R and was told it hasn't been sent.

https://www.taxbandits.com/2022-deadline-for-w-2-1099-1095-940-and-941-forms/
I think they all used to be 01/31 but now they've made changes, have to look up each specific form, which this site has links for.
I hope they send it out soon!  I don't see how they can wait until March and expect us to file before 4/15!  I guess you could file for an extension to take some of the pressure off, it's a very short simple form on line.

 

11 hours ago, tnd said:

it's like being stuck in high gear while trying to shift down and all you hear is a sick grinding noise.

Good analogy!  And not a sound you ever want to hear.

 

[John9]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

I guess you could file for an extension to take some of the pressure off, it's a very short simple form on line.

KayC,

I really am just trying to make sure everything is done, so our son doesn't have to deal with anything. If I don't receive the paperwork I will file for extension. I really don't care about MIL's taxes except I am Personal Representative. It is like I said about the company coming after my loving wife with a threat about her credit. I said good, she is deceased and maybe that will make sure nobody steals her identity. Why would a deceased person care about credit. It all comes full circle to what we have said about people not doing the job they are supposed to. I went to a Credit Union today where MIL had an account with me on it, I tried to close it in September but the was still an outstanding check. I took all of the paperwork I had, Death Certificate and my License and had to drive 31 miles one way which is why I wanted to close it. I told the representative today I want to close the account, she pulls it up and says it is in MIL name. I explained I was there in September and she said that there was a note and it said they had the Death Certificate. When she printed the DC it was for my loving wife and they didn't have one for MIL. She called the person who worked on account in September but she never returned the call, I went through my emails on my phone and found the paperwork from the Attorney and after much headache I was able to email it to her. It took over an hour of back and forth before I was able to "prove" MIL's death even though it was stated in computer it was there they couldn't find it. Sorry this is so long but the punch line is it was all for $11.10 and wasn't even enough to pay for the gas it cost me to close the account. I tried to do it over the phone but couldn't.

[KayC]

My sister went through this after her husband died, I took her to the bank and she gave them a death certificate, they lost it.  She mailed them another one.  They said they didn't receive it.  (Like Hell they didn't!  Bunch of incompetents!)  She had to bring another one in!  I was so mad at them, she has to get a ride there, 28 miles round trip for me plus getting her into the car and her walker, making appt. to go inside, it's a pain and not easy!).  Finally they closed it.  It wasn't that hard when George died.  I guess over the years everyone's lost their brains and tried to complicate everything.

[John9]

57 minutes ago, KayC said:

I guess over the years everyone's lost their brains and tried to complicate everything.

KayC,

It is almost as if they don't want to close accounts for any reason because they will get in trouble. It doesn't look good on the Monthly reports, I guess. It is the same trying to cancel accounts that have contracts, it is supposed to be easy BUT it isn't. The saying about the only thing that is certain, is death and taxes should be changed to add these issues also. I have said it and will again, I will never understand why they make it so hard on the survivors to handle things at the worst time in their life. And also when the broken brain is only barely working as it is it should be a more simple process with dedicated employees who can make sure all paperwork is filed correctly and quickly, especially if it is an Insurance policy where the money is needed or as discussed earlier someone like tnd who needs a quicker decision and not something dragging on as long as it did for her. I can't change anything, I can only point out issues. If my broken brain can see an issue, why can't the people in charge figure it out.

[tnd]

On 2/25/2022 at 8:43 AM, John9 said:

I am here until it is finally over, it has just never been so hard to just exist. This is not a life anymore, it is barely an existence

John9:  This is EXACTLY how I feel. As if I am just existing, taking up space. It is both angering and sad. I used to be full of life but that was when I had my better half with me. Now he's gone. Having it be "just me" feels so foreign. I do not know how I'm to proceed and I take it, neither do you. I don't want to think of myself as being single but I don't want to be the widow either. It's like when a baby is born and comes into the world for the first time. Only we aren't babies and I've been in this world 57 years. But I don't know who I really am now. And because of mental anguish and the absence of my husband, the pain and sorrow seem all I awaken to each day. I agree; this is not a life. I honestly do not know how we are to move forward when we don't even know what it is we are moving towards. I am trying to think of goals and things I might want to do but until I actually take that first step and do it, I don't know that I can. Being stuck in this house isn't helping. Not at all. 

 

[John9]

6 minutes ago, tnd said:

I honestly do not know how we are to move forward when we don't even know what it is we are moving towards.

tnd,

Everything you said, I could have and actually have said. I am just using up oxygen and taking up space, mindlessly moving like a zombie waiting to be spiked in the head. When I was younger and single I managed to muddle through AND then I met and married my loving wife and never wanted to be alone again and honestly never thought I would be. I am 62 and my loving wife was 53 and the odds were I was going to die before her, just not yet for either of us. I am not stuck in the house, I just don't care to do anything in or outside of the house. For 35 years every thought was involving my loving wife and how we would handle this or that and even though I am capable of making decisions, I don't want or care to do so. The future holds nothing for me but more pain and suffering and the longer everything else weighs on me, it just crushes me. I am not sleeping well and that means I am not recharging my broken body and my broken brain. There are just too many thoughts going through my head and the fact that my loving wife actually started feeling ill 1 year ago yesterday doesn't help those thoughts. All I can think of now is the fact that nobody would listen to her  when she was telling them something was wrong and I am not sure if that would have changed the outcome. I dread the upcoming 1 year mark in less than 2 weeks as I have dreaded every other day as well. I know we all grieve in our own way and our own time, but it isn't getting any easier and actually seems harder each day. i have said before I LOVED my loving wife more each day than the day before AND now I MISS her MORE each day than the day before. It seems an entire lifetime since I was last able to be with my loving wife, much longer than the 50 weeks that the calendar says it is. As I have said before the 35 years we were together seemed to fly by but since my loving wife died seems much longer more like 50 years.

[tnd]

47 minutes ago, John9 said:

When I was younger and single I managed to muddle through AND then I met and married my loving wife and never wanted to be alone again and honestly never thought I would be.

John9:  You were obviously very much in love with your wife and a happy man. Seems like it was with a blink of an eye and my own husband was gone. Thought we'd have many more years together. I don't know how us widows and widowers are to live life now. I get ideas and that helps to keep me going but at the end of the day, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what to do, where to go and what will come next. Do you ever just feel afraid? It is going to be so strange to be without my husband in the new place. I know I will keep busy but I wonder how I will be able to do it without him. I kind of dread the thought and imagine you feel the same way. I don't want to be single. I want my husband and the life we had back. I know that isn't possible but it's hard to imagine it just being me now. And I don't know why because no one is putting pressure on me but, I feel as tho I am supposed to be some new person, like having a new identity and I don't want that. I want to be the person I was. Only I can't have that, either. So who am I?? That's when the feeling of "just existing" comes in. It's as tho I will be just existing and with a name of course but other than that, just existing. It's like I am going to have to create a whole new me. Or at least partly. Or maybe this is supposed to be something that comes naturally in life and/or with age. Just another chapter we have to start. Can't say it's off to a good start...because it's not.   

[John9]

45 minutes ago, tnd said:

Do you ever just feel afraid? I

tnd,

I am afraid every day and night, I'm afraid of everything except dying. I ask my loving wife everyday what am I supposed to do without her. I don't know how to keep going without my loving wife with me and i really don't want to. I too want the life that we had back again and I am very much aware it can't and won't happen, but that is what I want. As  I have said before what I want doesn't matter because if it did my loving wife wouldn't be dead and I wouldn't be all alone. The thoughts I have are never about a future, they are all about the issues and problems I have and my loving wife dying all alone and I couldn't do anything about it. I am just so tired and worn out and beat down and just want it to end soon. It has been 50 weeks and I still cry everyday many times and every night when I finally crawl into bed all alone again.

[tnd]

33 minutes ago, John9 said:

The thoughts I have are never about a future, they are all about the issues and problems I have and my loving wife dying all alone and I couldn't do anything about it.

John9:  I am so sorry for your suffering. I'm sorry your wife's death keeps replaying in your mind, haunting you. I've been going through that too with thinking about my husband, It hurts. I keep feeling like I deserve some answers and almost wish I could do some saber-rattling over at the hospital. But I keep reminding myself (and this part isn't hard) that no matter what I do or say or wish, nothing will bring my husband back. No matter what I could actually do would make that happen. At the end of the day he's still not here. I have to accept that and I do but, every once in a while, my mind wanders off down that road of "what if's". I hate that road. It's a lonely one and unfriendly. No good comes from it. Not ever. So, I pull myself away from that road and think about other things. Like the many happy memories I have. Or what I feel inside. No one and nothing can take away the love my husband and I shared. Memories are events or stem from an occurrence that has already happened. And how a memory makes us feel is practically cemented inside of us. Locked away for good. They don't go away with the deceased.

I was thinking I might jot down a few of my memories before a day ever comes that I may not as easily remember them. Just something for myself. Or maybe to share with a friend later on. We definitely shared some pretty good laughs. I want to always keep those memories, like a photograph. 

Even though there was nothing either of us could do to save them, I think our beloveds may play an important role in our futures. Where they will be in that or their capacity I am unsure of, but I feel it could happen. Maybe we need to start thinking about it. 

[John9]

9 hours ago, tnd said:

Even though there was nothing either of us could do to save them, I think our beloveds may play an important role in our futures. Where they will be in that or their capacity I am unsure of, but I feel it could happen. Maybe we need to start thinking about it. 

tnd,

Again thank you for the comments. This is the reason that I come here for the support and insights. I "woke" this morning with the Justin Bieber song "Anyone" in my head and it is one of the songs that could have been written for me and about me. As I have said when I listen to music, I actually have always paid attention to the "story" and how it fits my life. There are so many stories out there and many hit home now.

 

[Gail 8588]

@tnd Thanks for sharing the song. I had never heard it before. I think it rings true for many of us here. 

Gail

[John9]

Gail 8588,

It was me but that's okay.

[Gail 8588]

@John9. Sorry John,  thank you for sharing the song. The 5 year anniversary of my husband's death is this week.  The song really speaks to me during this emotional time. 

Gail

[KayC]

On 2/25/2022 at 4:10 PM, John9 said:

If my broken brain can see an issue, why can't the people in charge figure it out.

For sure!

On 2/28/2022 at 4:32 PM, John9 said:

I dread the upcoming 1 year mark in less than 2 weeks

 
Anniversary of death tips
Anniversary of Death
Anniversary of a Loved One's Death

On 2/28/2022 at 5:33 PM, tnd said:

Do you ever just feel afraid?

Yes, that's why I have to stay in today, I can't handle any more than that, it sounds like survival mode and I guess that's kind of how it's been since he died, but it's the only way I know to do this without inviting extreme anxiety!

On 2/28/2022 at 5:33 PM, tnd said:

I feel as tho I am supposed to be some new person, like having a new identity and I don't want that. I want to be the person I was. Only I can't have that, either. So who am I??

I can relate, I had to discover who "I" was, not married me, not part of a couple me, but just me...alone.  In a way it FEELS like a newly discovered identity, it rather evolved, took time for me to know who I am alone.  Nope we didn't ask for or want this.  I know who I am...loyal, loving/caring, independent, strong minded, capable, efficient, organized...but I was all those things before...yet somehow it FEELS different being me w/o George here!  We had each other!  What a difference that made!  With him I could be vulnerable, I could rest in him, let him take care of me...I have not had that since him.  It gets old being in charge all the time.  Being the only one to see to this or see to that.  Being alone.  ALL THE TIME!  People who haven't been in this situation cannot possibly get what it's like.  They HAVE someone to take care of them post-op.  They HAVE someone to drive them to/from the surgeon's!  They HAVE someone to help with things around the place.  And when shut in during a storm or Covid, they HAVE someone to go through it with.

11 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

The 5 year anniversary of my husband's death is this week. 

You're in my thoughts and prayers too Gail.  (((hugs)))

On 3/1/2022 at 4:36 AM, John9 said:

I "woke" this morning with the Justin Bieber song "Anyone" in my head and it is one of the songs that could have been written for me and about me.

John, I've never heard that before, it's beautiful, it states how we feel.  Thanks for sharing!

[John9]

12 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

The 5 year anniversary of my husband's death is this week.  The song really speaks to me during this emotional time. 

Gail 8588,

You are further than I am, my 1 year is in a little over a week and I am already a mess. My loving wife's medical issues started a year ago last Sunday and each day there is a trigger about what she went through. I hope you are able to handle the date better than I probably will. The days and nights are not getting any easier for me. I miss my loving wife more and more each day and especially each night. I seems like years since I last saw or held her.

[John9]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Being alone.  ALL THE TIME!

KayC,

Yes this comment is truly a very hard part of this grieving. As we have said before, with our LOVED ones we could and did tackle the world head on. Now, I am so tired and worn out all of the time. And that song is just one of many that hits home and as much as it seems to be written for us, it also tears me apart when I hear it. As we all know some days are much harder than others and right now they are not good for me. I think I am in survival mode as well, because there just doesn't seem to be any reason for me to still be here with all of the stresses and issues I am going through. They all are slowly draining me like a vampire, taking a little more each day until there is nothing left. I already feel like a shell of the person I was when my loving wife was alive, hollow inside with no heart or soul left.

[KayC]

I'm so sorry, John. 

 

[John9]

KayC,

Thank you.

[John9]

So as I have said the 1 year is approaching and my loving wife had started feeling poorly 2 weeks before and today is a bad day. It started yesterday when the Attorney's office emailed me to tell me I am not supposed to sell MIL's for below market value. I tried to explain that the value the city/state has on the house is too high in the best situation and it needs too much work and it is in a bad city. So I lost sleep worrying about that and all day I haven't heard anything but my broken brain is going over many things again. So I went out to try to clear my head. HA I got stuck in traffic and then more thoughts came, all of the thoughts came about what my loving wife went through and that it will be a year tomorrow that she had the 2 Covid tests which were both negative and then how quickly things really fell apart the following week. I am having trouble remembering important details about things my loving wife and I did in the last weeks of her life, it scares me because it feels like I am forgetting her. All of this is just so overwhelming and it is too much and I am so lonely all of the time and I miss my loving wife so much. I am sitting here right now trying to type through all of the tears and it is hard. I am sorry but  I have to express my feelings because I have nobody to actually talk to who will talk about my loving wife anymore.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, John9 said:

I am having trouble remembering important details about things my loving wife and I did in the last weeks of her life

I seriously doubt that, more like your brain is under so much stress AND grief fog...I have not forgotten and look how many years it's been for me!  You will remember what you need to.

 

1 hour ago, John9 said:

the Attorney's office emailed me to tell me I am not supposed to sell MIL's for below market value. I tried to explain that the value the city/state has on the house is too high in the best situation and it needs too much work and it is in a bad city.

I am sorry everything is so bureaucratic and common sense is a thing of the past anymore, it's so unfair to you as you are doing your level best.  My neighbor has a brother and as executor of the state, he sold his mom's place for $60,000...I told him her place was worth double that (the county had it at $100,000, which was far below market price) and that he's gypping his brother, if he didn't want to deal with it, give his brother that option!  He didn't listen, he never got in trouble, but I doubt he did what you are doing with lawyers, filing, etc.  More like he did what he wanted and no one knew.

[Gail 8588]

@John9  I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. It is overwhelming!!! There is no way I would have been able to do all that you are doing. 

I had the benefit of a sister-in-law that came in and basically took over my life for me.  She made the decisions and told me to sign here. I am so fortunate that she did so much for me, as I was really not able to think clearly for several years. 

I don't know that my response is helpful to you, but for what it is worth, I understand your cries that all this legal process is too much to deal with.  It is too much, it's impossible, it's unreasonable.  Yet you are still stuck there trying to deal with it when it feels like your head is going to explode.   

Sending you hugs. 

Gail

[KayC]

My sister keeps trying to dump everything on me, I cannot, my BP is up, I keep working on it, it's a struggle to get it down even with two walks/day, three Rxs, and breathing exercises!  We have to look to our own mental/physical health before letting anyone put all their stuff on us.  I'm getting old, I don't need all this.  I flat out told her "DO NOT MAKE ME EXECUTOR OF YOUR ESTATE!"  She wants to leave her stuff to US to distribute to our kids!  I told her NO!  Leave it directly to THEM, not us, we're too old to deal with all this!  They are young, they stand to benefit, let THEM deal with it, and put our youngest sibling as executor as he has done it before, still has a keen mind and good health and is way younger!  
Does that make me a bad person because I won't do what John is doing?  No, I don't think so.  I do not stand to benefit from her assets and even if I were I would refuse it, for my own health.

[John9]

16 hours ago, KayC said:

I am sorry everything is so bureaucratic and common sense is a thing of the past anymore, it's so unfair to you as you are doing your level best.  My neighbor has a brother and as executor of the state, he sold his mom's place for $60,000...I told him her place was worth double that (the county had it at $100,000, which was far below market price) and that he's gypping his brother, if he didn't want to deal with it, give his brother that option!  He didn't listen, he never got in trouble, but I doubt he did what you are doing with lawyers, filing, etc.  More like he did what he wanted and no one knew.

KayC,

The Lawyer's office is the ones who told me if I sell it the Court can bring charges against me, I am caught in a catch-22. There is no money in the estate unless I sell the house and if I do everything as they say it will end up coming from the sale of the house. One thing that they don't understand is that what someone claims the value is doesn't mean it will sell for that and condition and location are important. The value of MIL's house supposedly almost doubled inn 5 years and this is based on nobody ever seeing the inside of the house. Nobody understands that when all is said and done the net proceeds will be about the same but added stresses on me. I am thinking of telling them to go to the Court and have them put the house in our son's name and he can do what he wants, except there is still the expenses until that happens. Which means that he will end up with even less at the end of all of this. I am so tired of everything and tired that nobody listens when I talk. I am not talking about anyone here, I am talking about the people who are supposed to be helping me (and others) resolve the legal things. It has been over a year since my friends estate was started and I have no idea how much longer it will continue because there are just so much paperwork and so many stages. I just hate how the system keeps taking and taking.

[KayC]

Then list it for that and when it doesn't sell, the realtor will have to lower it.  They can't make you squeeze more $ out of something that's not worth it.  Ask the stinkin' lawyer what they recommend you do since you do not have the $ to do what they suggest!

2 minutes ago, John9 said:

I just hate how the system keeps taking and taking.

I know you are speaking only of your situation, I get that, just as I am only speaking of mine.  You need out of this.  Damn the $!  WTH happened to the day we could just leave things to who we wanted w/o courts, executors, etc!!

[John9]

2 minutes ago, KayC said:

Does that make me a bad person because I won't do what John is doing?  No, I don't think so.  I do not stand to benefit from her assets and even if I were I would refuse it, for my own health.

KayC,

I tried to not be the Personal Representative for MIL's estate, apparently in Michigan the nominated person is the one the Court uses. And unless there is a secondary person it is almost impossible to refuse. I didn't want it because I am already burned out from my friend and my grief. I don't get anything expect the stress and aggravation out of this. If my loving wife had lived it would have been so much easier because she could have done whatever she wanted with the house. If our son was Personal Representative he could do whatever he wants, but because I am supposed to squeeze every penny for the benefit of our son I am in that catch-22. I wanted our son to be the P.R. but the Attorney said he couldn't do it. I am not sure if he said that because it is easier for him or if it is true, but I have to accept that because he is the estate Attorney. I know from other issues that each state has there own rules and laws and that is an issue all by itself as I ran into that with Florida and my friends estate. I am just venting again and it does help but it doesn't solve my issues though.

[John9]

9 minutes ago, KayC said:

Then list it for that and when it doesn't sell, the realtor will have to lower it.  They can't make you squeeze more $ out of something that's not worth it.  Ask the stinkin' lawyer what they recommend you do since you do not have the $ to do what they suggest!

KayC,

I understand the concept and I went through that with my friends house and I have the same issue, no money coming in but the expenses are still there. The longer it sits empty the more it costs and the risks increase for more problems. And again all of this ends up costing our son because any bills and expenses have to be reimbursed somehow. It's not like it is a Million dollar estate. The house if it sold is worth maybe $35000.00 and right now it need at least $15000.00 worth of repairs if I did it myself, which I am too old and won't benefit from if I did. Nobody will pay full value if there is so much work to do. I am waiting for a response from the Attorney but it is all emails lately, which is good for a paper trail, but it adds to delays when actually trying to get things done. Courts are opening back up for in person cases and he is busy in Court and not every case gets the same attention. I know I am not the only client, and even though I think it is a priority not everyone else does. I just don't need the added stresses this is bringing me. As I said next weekend will be a year and that is weighing very heavy on me right now.

[tnd]

12 hours ago, KayC said:

Does that make me a bad person because I won't do what John is doing?  No, I don't think so.  I do not stand to benefit from her assets and even if I were I would refuse it, for my own health.

KayC:  I'd say you are actually helping them by not doing it yourself. If you were to make mistakes, surely both you and them would not be happy. Best to leave it to those who are more able to do it and/or have experience. You're right; you don't need this. It's too much. Better to speak up and tell them now before it's too late.  

[KayC]

Yes but I doubt she'll listen to me, she's very headstrong and it'd be just like her to try to force me to.  I will refuse no matter what she lists.

23 hours ago, John9 said:

Courts are opening back up

Gosh, they sure haven't for my daughter/SIL who filed for divorce over two years ago!  The courts still have yet to process it!

[John9]

KayC,

The fact that every State has their own rules, is actually part of what I am saying about the Probate issues I am having. The Probate Court isn't doing in person but as I had said I was called for Jury Duty (and excused) and there are in person cases in Michigan for Jury Trials. But I am sorry still no excuse for the delay your Daughter is having, except nobody really cares because it isn't them.

[KayC]

I saw her yesterday at my grandson's bdy party.  She is moving back to the apt. her and Don used to live in...he told her on Christmas (always on Christmas!!) he was moving in to his GF's in WA, he never told her he HAD a GF!  I am not surprised in the least, I've felt he did all along, probably has had several.  On another note, a friend she'd made in her current apt. has had to move to WA for his job, and they were a great support to each other, they still talk but it's not the same, I know, my best friend moved to TX seven years ago.  I miss having coffee with her, going out to eat, putting on dinners, making cards together.  She's married now and her life has moved on, I so miss her.
Unfortunately he did not leave her the mailbox key so mail is likely returned to sender.  What an idiot!

[John9]

KayC,

I understand the comment about still talking with someone who moved away. It is how things have been with my loving wife's Aunt, she used to come over when MIL was alive and we could talk and it helped. Then MIL died and Aunt had strokes and her Daughter died and she is having her own issues with her Family so we barely even talk now. It was over 3 weeks since we talked before she called and I can't call her because of her job and Family issues, so I wait. When you compound it with the other issues I have it makes a bad existence even harder.

6 hours ago, KayC said:

Unfortunately he did not leave her the mailbox key so mail is likely returned to sender.  What an idiot!

As for the key to the mailbox, can your Daughter talk to the Manager because they probably know he is an idiot if he has been living there.

[KayC]

She'll probably have to pay to have another made, not sure if they keep a spare or it means getting another lock for it.  Just another thing.  I told her it'd possibly save them each $1,200 in taxes if they filed jointly since they're still legally married, she'd probably benefit more than him but he's too ignorant to know it (she's in business for herself so double taxation) and as she does all the work, she could even get him to pay her $50 for it!  Might recap what she'll lose from the mailbox.   All this means though is that she'll never see her cat again, that he took.  It was her cat, she picked it out, she paid the deposit for it, she took care of him, and lost him.  Not the first time she's lost one in a breakup.  I know it'll always hurt her, she worries he may not take care of him as well as he should.

 

[John9]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

All this means though is that she'll never see her cat again, that he took.  It was her cat, she picked it out, she paid the deposit for it, she took care of him, and lost him.  Not the first time she's lost one in a breakup.  I know it'll always hurt her, she worries he may not take care of him as well as he should.

KayC,

It's always the "kits" that suffer. I'm sorry that your Daughter lost her cat, I know how attached we become and the thought he might not care for it properly will hurt too. I talked to MIL Attorney office today and was told that I can't sell the house unless I go through all of the things I mentioned before and I said again there is no money and it keeps costing just having it. The Assistant said they could try to get Court approval but would need proof, I told her to just put it in our Son's name and then the Court can't say anything. It will still cause issues but it may allow me to close the estate a little sooner, but everything is so backed up because of Covid that even sooner may not really be soon. I am still having issues with my friends estate for the same reason and I told the Assistant that all of this is too much with the 1 year coming and the memories in my head. I reminded her that I never wanted this job in the first place and I just want it to end. I finally received the 1099R for MIL and filled out the taxes only to find out that I can't e-file and have to mail them so what might have been a couple of weeks may be months or longer because the IRS is still backed up from the last years taxes.I have said before I am always right about the wrong things and all of these issues are things I thought might happen and here they are, which is why you shouldn't ever ask what else could go wrong. A whole lot of things can.

[KayC]

I know, John...never say what else can go wrong!  I reiterated yesterday AGAIN to my sister that I am NOT up to being executor, I just feel too old/tired/alone for this, she can get her attorney to handle this or set it up where you don't have to do that.  I am thinking of signing my house over to my kids after it's paid off rather than waiting until I die...plenty of time to think about it as it'll be ten more years before it's paid off if the stock market doesn't keep dropping, it's cost me over six months payments as it is.

[annie123]

John, My thoughts and prayers are with you today.  Virtual hugs!!

[foreverhis]

On 3/9/2022 at 6:55 AM, KayC said:

I know, John...never say what else can go wrong!

Indeed.  Many years ago, I came up with a few rules for life.  Number one:  Don't tempt fate.  I used to say, "Well, at least the worst has happened."  Yeah, right.  What's that saying?  "We plan, God (or fate?) laughs."  I try not to say anything that would break rule number one.  I even know it's kind of silly, but I keep that rule anyway--even though my heart says, "You've already experienced the worst.  You lost John."  Nope, not thinking that because you just never know what else might happen.

[KayC]

I know, right?!  Sometimes we think, "Well I've hit bottom, it can only go up from here..."  But the truth is, it seems to me bottom can be a bottomless pit!  What we tell ourselves in the form of attitude, positivity, affirmations do make a difference, is what I've learned.  So does prayer.

[John9]

I am still here and I survived the weekend and the week of triggers. It was as I had expected and worse also, Only one person acknowledged that my loving wife died 1 year ago. It was her Aunt and she called me to let me know she was thinking of me even though her own life is in shambles. I really didn't expect anyone to remember since they didn't seem to care in the first place, I just thought since everyone seems to be on Farcebook that there might have been a reminder. As I have said probably too many times there are just more and more issues with the Estates of my friend and MIL and it does nothing to help my mental state. I am not sure how much more my broken body and broken mind can handle.

20 hours ago, annie123 said:

John, My thoughts and prayers are with you today.  Virtual hugs!!

annie123,

Thank you so much. Hugs are one of the many things I miss so much.

[annie123]

Me too John, I miss my hubby's hugs!!  Also, holding hands!!

[KayC]

John...(((hugs))) you got through it, to me it's still one of the hardest days to get through....Anv of Death, Anniversary, his Birthday...Father's Day (the day he died)

[John9]

So I made it through the weekend and then yesterday I received an email from the Attorney's office about my friends estate. As I have said it really should be finished but it is always something. I had asked why the 28 day window for the paperwork hasn't closed yet when it was filed on February 9 2022. The Court sent an answer and the Attorney forwarded it to me, they DON'T have any paperwork so they can't close the file on that part. I am so overly stressed about this and can't even do anything about it. There is no recourse because it is now  another wait and see what happens situation because they are so far behind you aren't allowed to actually speak to anyone at the Court because of Covid as we have discussed before. Nobody cares about how hard this is when it is just so hard to even make it through the days and nights as it is. Then these other issues that won't go away and keep getting worse in the sense that every new thing that has to be done resets the clock so to speak. I just want at least something to be resolved so I can have less stress and worries. Also I mailed the IRS tax forms and they seem to be not moving through the Postal system because it was supposed to be delivered last week and it keeps saying it is running late and shows no movement at all, so there is that added delay as well.

[KayC]

Wow.  I guess nothing surprises me with gov't anymore.  Everything is bureaucratic and uncaring, painstakingly slow if it moves at all.  I am so sorry.  It's all inexcusable.

[tnd]

On 3/13/2022 at 8:56 PM, foreverhis said:

ndeed.  Many years ago, I came up with a few rules for life.  Number one:  Don't tempt fate.  I used to say, "Well, at least the worst has happened."  Yeah, right.  What's that saying?  "We plan, God (or fate?) laughs."  I try not to say anything that would break rule number one.  I even know it's kind of silly, but I keep that rule anyway--even though my heart says, "You've already experienced the worst.  You lost John."  Nope, not thinking that because you just never know what else might happen.

foreverhis:   I always say to be careful with what we wish for. I try not to temp fate either. 

[tnd]

On 3/16/2022 at 9:25 AM, John9 said:

Also I mailed the IRS tax forms and they seem to be not moving through the Postal system because it was supposed to be delivered last week and it keeps saying it is running late and shows no movement at all, so there is that added delay as well.

John9:   Sorry I forgot where but I read that the postal service is bogged down and moving very very slowly these days.  

[John9]

11 minutes ago, tnd said:

 Sorry I forgot where but I read that the postal service is bogged down and moving very very slowly these days.  

tnd,

Sadly this is the way things are these days, they have actually intentionally slowed down the services. It is also one of the issues I am having with the other legal problems. There is no in person for Probate so papers have to be mailed and with the Post Office delays and the shortage or staffing at the Court it is a major cause of stress for me and other as well. As I have said before nobody cares because it really doesn't affect them, and they get paid to be at work whether the job is done or not. I tried to be understanding but at this point I am beyond that and it really just stresses me more every day and it isn't good.

[tnd]

3 minutes ago, John9 said:

As I have said before nobody cares because it really doesn't affect them, and they get paid to be at work whether the job is done or not.

John9:  I've been reading that this poor attitude that we are seeing in people is widespread. But we can't give up. I hope to go tomorrow to put my name on a waiting list at an apartment. I was previously told no and now this other person says I can, they just aren't taking applications yet. Let's hope this doesn't turn out to be a case of "the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing". I am in no mood or shape to get angry. I plan on being as sweet as I can be, even if they waste my time. By doing that I am hoping to gain a new ally but we'll see.