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Fear and loathing

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Fear and loathing

I just found out on Friday my dad has liver cancer. I’m in my head and I keep going to the darkest of places. My family and I we’re all in a state of shock. I can’t process the diagnosis and it’s so sudden I don’t feel like I’m in my reality. I feel suspended in time. I keep replaying the dreaded phone call my dad made to me to break the awful news. I feel guilty that as an adult I haven’t spent as much time with him that we are now on borrowed time and I can’t accept that and keep it together. Every time I talk to him and see him I just want to break down but I can’t because I don’t want to scare him and have him worry about me. Im so mad and upset I can’t understand why this is happening to my dad? I want to wake up from this nightmare. His terminal illness is something I cannot accept and I don’t know how to be strong. Im so hurt. 

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