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The good ones go first


stillfighting431

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stillfighting431

Today is the 2 month anniversary of my mom's death & I can't believe that I've made this far without her.The first month went in a daze but now that the shock, & numbness has started to wear off, I miss her even than I did before.Everybody tells me that time will make the pain bearable & I'm starting to believe it.I still have panick attacks each time I think that I'll never see her again,talk to her or just feel her warm hug,but I cry less frequently and I'm begining to accept that ,that's all the time I was given to be with her.I know everyone's mom is precious to them & we all believe that our moms are angels who love us unconditionaly,but mine was truly a remarkable woman.She was brave,courageous,hard working,kind,generous & selfless to a fault,always putting other's needs ahead of her own,never complained or made demands,never raised her voice to anyone.When I think back I don't have a single bad memory of her.My only paternal aunt,who is a very cynical,highly opinionated ,hard to please woman caught up to me at mom's memorial service & with tears in her eyes she said, "My sister-in-law never said a harsh word to me all her life.Your mom was a goldmine of talents & virtues",which is a big deal coming from her.I've many aunts & uncles in the same age group as mom(70's-80's) .They are fit as a fiddle & don't show any signs of slowing down,which makes me so angry as to why my mom was the one to go.

I've a theory which may sound quite absurd but it's from my personal experience,people who are kind,unselfish ,loving & thinking of other's needs rather than their own,give so much of themselves away that they just physically burnout.But people who are self centered ,cold,distant,uncaring & don't let anyone get too close to them ,not even their own children live much longer.May be that's the price you have to pay for getting a lifetime worth of unconditional love but losing that person much sooner than others.May be I've gone a little crazy with grief but do let me know what the rest of you think.

Anyway I know I was very lucky to have such a wonderful mother & I believe that as long as I carry her in my heart she's isn't truly gone.

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It's funny you say this, because I was actually thinking the exact same thing last night!

My father was a truly remarkable, selfless person. I mean, of course I thought he was wonderful, but so did other people. I was floored at the things people said about him at his memorial service - I really saw what a bright light he was in so many people's lives...and yet he left us all so unexpectedly and way too early.

Last night I was with my boyfriend's mother, who in all honesty, has never been loving or kind to her children. And yet she's as healthy as an ox! I kept thinking "why is she still here and my dad is gone?" And then of course I would feel awful for thinking such a wretched thing...but there you go. You sometimes think horrible things when you're grieving, I've learned to forgive myself for that.

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I am so sorry for the loss of your precious mother. Losing a parent leaves such a big hole. She sounds like a wonderful woman. I too believe that our loved ones can live on through us and what they taught us and the love they have given us. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to who goes first in this life. I lost my mom last November and while I know in my hear she was starting to suffer and her body was giving out that she was "one of the good ones. The world was a better place with her here. But it was time for her to go due to her cancer. I just ask myself why she had to contract this terrible terminal disease. Why are others spared and live long lives and she who was kind helpful, a good friend and mom who did good and loved others was taken. I doubt we will ever get answers to those types of questions, at least on this side of heaven. It is nice that you feel her presence with you through the love she gave to you and the love you have for her. Be kind to yourself and take it easy. You are right the numbness is a blessing at first. I am still working through my grief. We are lucky we had good moms; not everyone is so fortunate, but it makes it hard when they are gone. I am glad you are here and shared your story and how you are doing. Talking and sharing seem to help for many. Take care and please come back anytime it is helpful.

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It's funny you say this, because I was actually thinking the exact same thing last night!

My father was a truly remarkable, selfless person. I mean, of course I thought he was wonderful, but so did other people. I was floored at the things people said about him at his memorial service - I really saw what a bright light he was in so many people's lives...and yet he left us all so unexpectedly and way too early.

Last night I was with my boyfriend's mother, who in all honesty, has never been loving or kind to her children. And yet she's as healthy as an ox! I kept thinking "why is she still here and my dad is gone?" And then of course I would feel awful for thinking such a wretched thing...but there you go. You sometimes think horrible things when you're grieving, I've learned to forgive myself for that.

I could have written this exact post. When my Dad died I can remember thinking aren't there a million other people more deserving of this than him? Fathers who were never there for their kids, who abused them or neglected them, people who are rapists, murderers, serial killers, etc.?? Why do good people die and people like that get to live? I guess life isn't fair and neither is death.

Just wanted to post and say you aren't alone (although it's a horrible thing to have in common)... <3

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