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Hurting SO MUCH today


KaitA

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Man, I'm hurting today! I lost my best friend a little over 5 months ago and I ache over it everyday, but some days are MUCH worse than others. Some days it hurts so much, I can hardly breathe. Some days I actually feel physical pain. Today is one of those days. Holli was my best friend. She was closer to me than any of my sisters. She was such a good friend that I didn't have any other friends! It was just us...like a couple of twins or something. She was killed in a car accident in April and my world fell apart. My heart broke into a million pieces and I haven't been able to pick up the pieces. I'm a single mom. I work 2 jobs and am in school full-time. I'm so busy that I didn't have time to process this loss. I had to just keep moving forward when all I wanted to do was disappear into my room, under my covers and fall apart. People think moving on right away is a good thing...they act like it's admirable. I think I'm more messed up now because of that than if I had been allowed to have time to really hurt over her and get over it. I have no friends now. She was my only good friend and she's gone. I've really tried to make new friends since then, but nothing ever works out. By adulthood everyone already has friends. Nobody has time to put into growing a new friendship. I thought my sisters would help me through this, but 2 of them never even said anything about it, and one sent me a text message saying sorry for my loss. What is wrong with people? Holli spent Thanksgiving with my family last year. They all know how close she and I were, yet none of them could possibly care less. I just feel alone....and I miss her so so much. I hate it when people say that she's still with me or that she's watching over me or whatever. I don't believe in that and it just makes me mad that people are trying to pretend like she's still here. She's just gone. That's all there is to it. She was here one minute and then all of a sudden, she's gone. Ugh.

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Man, I'm hurting today! I lost my best friend a little over 5 months ago and I ache over it everyday, but some days are MUCH worse than others. Some days it hurts so much, I can hardly breathe. Some days I actually feel physical pain. Today is one of those days. Holli was my best friend. She was closer to me than any of my sisters. She was such a good friend that I didn't have any other friends! It was just us...like a couple of twins or something. She was killed in a car accident in April and my world fell apart. My heart broke into a million pieces and I haven't been able to pick up the pieces. I'm a single mom. I work 2 jobs and am in school full-time. I'm so busy that I didn't have time to process this loss. I had to just keep moving forward when all I wanted to do was disappear into my room, under my covers and fall apart. People think moving on right away is a good thing...they act like it's admirable. I think I'm more messed up now because of that than if I had been allowed to have time to really hurt over her and get over it. I have no friends now. She was my only good friend and she's gone. I've really tried to make new friends since then, but nothing ever works out. By adulthood everyone already has friends. Nobody has time to put into growing a new friendship. I thought my sisters would help me through this, but 2 of them never even said anything about it, and one sent me a text message saying sorry for my loss. What is wrong with people? Holli spent Thanksgiving with my family last year. They all know how close she and I were, yet none of them could possibly care less. I just feel alone....and I miss her so so much. I hate it when people say that she's still with me or that she's watching over me or whatever. I don't believe in that and it just makes me mad that people are trying to pretend like she's still here. She's just gone. That's all there is to it. She was here one minute and then all of a sudden, she's gone. Ugh.

KaitA,

I am sorry about the loss of Holli. I have an identical twin sister, so when you described your relationship with Holli as that of a twin, it pierced me. Your pain and heartache must be overwhelming at times. Five months is simply not a long time in the grieving process. Of course you are not "moving on" because one can't simply "get over" someone they love dying.

Instead, you need to simply begin to move forward, inch by inch and learn how to live life again. Losing a best friend is horrible, and it is going to take some time.

Your sisters probably just simply don't know what to say or how to act. Perhaps they don't have friends as close as Holli and you were, and they also don't understand.

Have you talked with Holli's family? Have you tried some self-help grief and loss meetings or a counseling session? What about talking to your parents or a spiritual leader? The more you talk about your feelings, the more you may begin to be able to process them.

Please feel free to come here and share with us the wonderful experience you had as Holli's friend. Your friend has a special place in your heart. You can tell us about how you became friends and why you stayed friends. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

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