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Loss of adult son


Lisa M.

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Michael,  that sounds wonderful to go to the orphanage with all those gifts  - when will they open them?

( that pizza wouldn’t have suited me either)

I had a listen to ‘catch and release’ and I can hear what you felt.    Zac Brown I already know - he is my husband’s cup of tea and he plays his music LOUD.

I find music I once loved difficult these days but I keep trying nonetheless.  They don’t have a connection to David they just make me feel guilty if I’m enjoying them - how strange this grief trip can be.   ‘Happy ‘ seems short lived which is hard as I was a very upbeat kind of person .

 I can see how your bond with your son and your mutual love of music is a positive thing for you - that is a beautiful thing.  Roz

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Michael Rodriguez
13 hours ago, Changed said:

Michael,  that sounds wonderful to go to the orphanage with all those gifts  - when will they open them?

( that pizza wouldn’t have suited me either)

I had a listen to ‘catch and release’ and I can hear what you felt.    Zac Brown I already know - he is my husband’s cup of tea and he plays his music LOUD.

I find music I once loved difficult these days but I keep trying nonetheless.  They don’t have a connection to David they just make me feel guilty if I’m enjoying them - how strange this grief trip can be.   ‘Happy ‘ seems short lived which is hard as I was a very upbeat kind of person .

 I can see how your bond with your son and your mutual love of music is a positive thing for you - that is a beautiful thing.  Roz

Thanks Roz, but today it is about Masons Mom and Roseypal , guys we are all here for you...... i have not reached the first of "theese days" yet .......we are here ,like always , to share each others grief

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Thank You for thinking about me today, It's so very sad, just like everyday.  My middle son and his wife are coming over for dinner, so I am trying to make his favorite foods, I also decided to put up a tree in leu of Mike's drum set, I had his drums set up but my youngest son said he just wants to have normal Christmas so I took them down and put up a tree, however, the tree is not decorated, so I am hoping to accomplish that today.  I just want to stay busy.

 

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Dear Mason's mom  and Roseypal.  I am sending hugs your way.  I, like Michael,  have not reached that milestone yet but my heart goes out to you.  Don's birthday yesterday tore me down so I can only imagine how you must feel today. You all are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

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larry hirschhorn

hello Lisa and all. We lost our adult son Aaron, age, 42, March 27 2021. He died in a boating accident. He was a beautiful man and left behind , a wife, three children and a brother. My grieving is constant . I coped by writing a book of poems about Aaron and our loss, Grieving Aaron. I felt driven to do this as if I had no choice,  and in the process of writing I could channel and grief so that it was useful rather than just overwhelming. I don't know if this process ultimately mitigated the grieving though I think it did. Creative work of any kind is probably therapeutic. But of course our lives are forever stained by this experience. And we worry about the children and Karine, Aaron's wife. -- Larry 

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Hello Lisa M., and Michael Rodriguez,

I read both your posts, and I feel what you're going through and need help too.  I just lost my younger brother of 56 year less than five months ago.  It was all extremely unexpected, and that's how it hurts the most.  I often think how since our infancy, we are taught to believe that one day mom and dad are not going to be there for us anymore, but nobody ever prepare us for the possible loss of a sibling. Prayer and support from my husband is helping me recover from the excruciating loss, but it is my mother, who dedicated her entire life to us, the one who suffers cruelly.  My elder brother, my husband and I, are there for her constantly, but I put myself in my mom's shoes, and I deeply understand how much better would be for her to talk to someone who like her, lost her little baby, who once she carried inside of her.  Is there's anyone who could help me help my mom, I would truly appreciate your contacting me via email preferably. I understand the immense pain you are going through, which intensifies as we approach the holiday season, which is only days away now.  I will have you both in my prayers too.  

GOD BLESS THOSE OF US WHO ARE LEFT BEHIND WITH ALL THAT SUFFERING IN OUR HEARTS. 

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  Dear Mason’s mom and RosiePal ,  I am sending tons of love lots of hugs I will be thinking about the both of you today all day you’ve got people right here that are there for you not only today but always I’m squeezing you both tight now can you feel it!

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Hello Larry,  I am so sorry that you have lost your son - everyone here understands your pain .   My own son , David, died five years ago leaving his widow and son - it is heartbreaking.

You poetry would seem a good way of  channelling  your grief - we used to have another father on this site who did the same and his poems were very powerful and moving.

We are all here to help each other and welcome you joining us even though no one wants to be here for the reasons that we are.

comfort to you, Roz

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Michael Rodriguez

Larry and Nechi , welcome to our group of heart broken parents. B ( my sons name was Brian) left on april 14 021 , after complications arised 48 hours after removing a tumor from his back. B would have been 29 on june 19 ...... we worked together at our own company , he had been my general mgr for the last 7 years and we live in Honduras. we manufacture broom handles, trellis for gardening and stakes for vegetable growers , 95% of our product is exports to the states.

i just wanted to introduce myself and a little bit of background. Nechi your mom is more than welcome to join us here in this group ......larry , im really sorry for the loss of your son , we all know what you are going thru , we all live this same nightmare .....this group has helped me a lot , as i write as i cry ......we all have that emptiness that will never be filled again , that large piece of our heart that belongs to them and yearns for them , that desperate feeling to hug them and kiss them and tell them how much you love them , how much you need them .....how your whole life has changed completely

believe me when i say we all know what you are going thru .....again welcome both to our group  

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Welcome Larry and Nechi And welcome to our group that none of us ever wanted to Join!

We are here for the both of you no one understands your grief or pain better than us.

I lost my son Blake at 30 years old June 16, 2021 unexpectedly every day is a struggle we’re here for you!

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larry hirschhorn

To those of you who have lost an adult child- I have published a book of poetry, "Grieving Aaron."  Aaron was our oldest son and died in a boating accident at the age of 42. (https://www.inquirer.com/obituaries/aaron-hirschhorn-startup-entrepreneur-family-man-obituary-20210331.html

The book may be a source of comfort for you as it was for me in its writing. This writing sustained me in the early months of grieving.  The sorrow persists as it must, but it is less overwhelming.  

You can purchase  the book on Amazon either in paperback or Kindle format --  https://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Aaron-Poems-Response-Sudden/dp/1737674602/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=grieving+aaron&qid=1639840062&s=books&sr=1-1  .  --

Harriet Lerner, the author of The Dance of Anger writes, "These powerful,  achingly honest, and intensely poems are compelling testaments to a father's love and loss as he struggles to survive the sudden, unanticipated death of his 42-year old son, Aaron. The authenticity and urgency of these poems are a tribute to the son whose tragic passing occasioned them, and to the power of language to knit us together in the most difficult of times. While the poems capture the raw truth of unbearable pain they also remind us of the indestructible bond between a parent and a child. While offering no easy consolation, I believe they will comfort especially those readers who have experienced the depth of grief which is the price of great love."

Larry 

 

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Danielle Masata

Nechi, I'm so sorry you lost a sibling.  I can't imagine your loss.  I am from a large family and thankful to have had their support throughout this difficult year. I wonder if you're an older sib and therefore feel as if your dear brother was your "care".  Hugs to you during this difficult time.

Larry, welcome to the group, a group we so reluctantly expected to join but grateful we have found each other.  Thank you for sharing your poetry.  I am happy to know you found a creative outlet; these efforts have helped me cope as well.  My son died in January at age 33.  He lived with us and was so appreciative of the love and support we provided him throughout his life.  He was an amazing writer and I'm tempted to share some examples of the essays, poems, and a segment of the journals he wrote.  The priest at my son's Memorial Service even read what he written as it really gave you flavor of the depth of feeling he experienced.  Patrick, an economics major in college, was probably even a better investor and left a nice estate for his younger brothers.  But life puts a reality-wrench in these details and all we really wish is to hug him again and know he's happy.  Alas!  BTW, we are big Share Tank fans and also dog lovers and probably even saw your son. I have a dog-doodle too.  And one of my sons lives in CA and works at a VC firm.  You have such beautiful grandchildren too!  Such a loss.  

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Welcome Larry and Nechi

Nechi I too lost a sibling.  My oldest sister and best friend, we were 15 months apart and inseparable, our whole lives intertwined,  passed away May 10, 2012.

She was driving to work that morning and got hit by a semi.  I miss her everyday.  So I do know how my boys feel about losing their brother.  It's a very, very sad life to be left behind.  I also unfortunately know how you Mom feels as well.  She is definitely welcome to join our group.  If I didn't have this I don't know where I would be.  It's just too hard to maneuver threw this alone.

Larry my son Mike was an excellent writer, I would ask him all the time for help me when I need to compose something, he just had a way with words.  He actually took first place in a competition called Power off the Pen.  He was in the 8th grade.

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Michael Rodriguez

i dont think i ever i also lost my brother back in 2007. he was a few years older than i was but we were really close . Joe was quite the character. very good looking and always a playboy, he died of a multiple meoloma,which was weird as he was in his early 50's

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Welcome Larry and Nechi.  I too feel the loss of a sibling.  My sister passed on December  9th,2012 and my brother on July  23rd, 2013.  7 months apart.  I was left reeling as I  had already lost my mom several years before that.  I am all that is left.   Losing my son has left me broken.  I have no family support system.  My daughter is all I have left and I know from personal experience what she is feeling so I don't lay my burdens on her.  That is why this group has become so important to me.  We are all suffering and understand the pain each is experiencing.   You have a place to turn when you feel bad or just want to feel like your not alone.   I appreciate you all.

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Hello Everyone, I lost my precious Garrett on August 30th on my 60th birthday.  He was only 22 years old.  I am lost and broken... for the first time in my life, I am on my knees unable to get up.  His wonderful sisters have left home and he and I did so much together.  He had his whole life ahead of him and suddenly, unexpectedly he was gone.  I loved my precious son but also one of the best friends anyone could have.   I miss him, every second of every day....  I don't know what to do.  Crying and sobbing and screaming are my most familiar activities in the last 3 and a half months.  I don't even know what else to say... I am so lost and I just want my precious boy to come home... 

So lost and broken,

Jacqueline3

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Michael Rodriguez

hi jaqueline3 my name is michael rodriguez and i lost B (Brian) 8 months and 6 days ago. believe me and all of us in this group , we all have thje same grief and pain. it is really hard for any of us to put our first step forward every morning as we wake up. pain is unbearable , and every second of our lives we yearn to hold them back in our arms and tell them that everything will be just fine biut we know we cant.......id say trust the lord that some day will be back with them again ....we are here to comfort each other and somebody will always reply to you .....so dont hesitate to reach out ....we all have the same tears rolling down our faces  

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Hello Michael, I am so sorry you lost your precious Brian.  My heart aches for your loss.   I do know the pain of getting up and starting the same horrific day over again.  The pain is unbearable and the ache to see my Garrett again eats at me all the time.   He could make me laugh like no other person.  Thank you for reaching out.  I know those tears... they are soaking my shirt now.   Thank you again.  I miss him so much, I cannot bear it most of the time.  

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Michael Rodriguez

thanks .....and it does feel a little relief when you have a nice cry .....sometimes i try to remember when was the last time i cried .....i know i did when both my parents and my brother passed, but it was for a few weeks .......right now a day does not go by without crying my eyes out for B .....it is a different and unique pain. a pain that can not be described ,you have to live it to know how it feels 

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Dear Michael, it does offer a small measure of peace to cry but it goes away all too soon and then the tears begin to build again.  I am the same with Garrett, I cry all the time. I cannot remember now a day that I do not cry most of the time.  I had infertility problems and we had our two girls and Garrett came along as a huge surprise and he is such a blessing.  I am just clawing my way through the days, each one feeling like I die a little more without my boy.  I gave him my heart and soul when he had to leave.  I miss him so much.  I hope I am  not laying too much of my pain on you.  My family, who I have always depended on and have always been there in any crisis,  are not... I guess they cannot handle it or don't want to but they have left me on my own with only words of I need to get up again.  I guess they do not realize that I am up as far as I can get at the moment and I am fighting to even move and care about anything... and I dearly love my daughters and husband and grandson... but the joy and the life in me just leaches out every moment.  I keep thinking Garrett deserved a life too!  He deserved so much more than he was given... why?  Why did he not get a full life?   Why did your B not get a full life?  I am sorry if I am making this worse for you... No one wants me to talk...

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I have to clarify my statement, my eldest girl has sat and listened to me and I know she is suffering too.   I am just struggling and again, I hope by talking I am not making your pain worse for you Michael. 

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larry hirschhorn

Jacqueline - As I think about my own experience, I have developed a mantra - that my psychological task is to "turn grieving into sadness." For some reason this idea gives me comfort,  assuring me on the one side that I will not remain a mourner, but on the other, that I cannot hope/strive for the impossible. I cannot erase the result of my son Aaron's death from my life. This accords with an article I read which suggests that we do not "close out" our grieving rather,  we learn to live with it,  and that  do so is right and good.  

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Michael Rodriguez
28 minutes ago, Jacqueline3 said:

Dear Michael, it does offer a small measure of peace to cry but it goes away all too soon and then the tears begin to build again.  I am the same with Garrett, I cry all the time. I cannot remember now a day that I do not cry most of the time.  I had infertility problems and we had our two girls and Garrett came along as a huge surprise and he is such a blessing.  I am just clawing my way through the days, each one feeling like I die a little more without my boy.  I gave him my heart and soul when he had to leave.  I miss him so much.  I hope I am  not laying too much of my pain on you.  My family, who I have always depended on and have always been there in any crisis,  are not... I guess they cannot handle it or don't want to but they have left me on my own with only words of I need to get up again.  I guess they do not realize that I am up as far as I can get at the moment and I am fighting to even move and care about anything... and I dearly love my daughters and husband and grandson... but the joy and the life in me just leaches out every moment.  I keep thinking Garrett deserved a life too!  He deserved so much more than he was given... why?  Why did he not get a full life?   Why did your B not get a full life?  I am sorry if I am making this worse for you... No one wants me to talk...

no you are not......B is always on my mind. as a matter of fact i miss when somebody does not show up to post ......because is in this site that i am able to release some of the pain i carry....same as you , my wife looks at B's grief completely different as i do, our eldest daughter ,nikki , lives in portland .....my house, besides my wife, lives my mother in law , my wife´s daugther from a first marriage and her daughter....i was just like garret .....an oooops !!! my 2 living sisters are much older than i am . so really no blood relatives ...B was it !!!!!

so just get it all out if you feel like it 

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Hello Larry, I am so sorry for your loss.  I am glad I am not bringing you more pain Michael.  My husband as well handles his grief much differently than I.   I keep telling myself that the wrenching pain I feel is a testament of the deep love I have for my precious son.  That what I feel, no matter how wrenching and horrible is an expression of my love for Garrett and the honor and blessing I feel to be his Mum.  .  I would not trade the 22 years I had with him for anything in this world.  Garrett was a huge surprise, I was nearing 40 and we thought we were done having children after our precious girls.   I can see where your mantra brings you comfort Larry.  I know that I have to find some way to take my grief and transform it into some form that I can walk with but right now I am finding that so difficult..  The house just screams Garrett's silence.  He always had such a dry humor and sharp wit.  My girls have both left home... Garrett and I did so much together.  He was always building all kinds of things and I would go with him on his raw material hunts.  As a youngster, he would use anything around the house he could find, my silverware, broom, his father's coat... we used to laugh because all of those things would show up later in one of his creations... He did get much better at finding his raw resources as he got older.   I miss him so much... I know I keep saying that but i miss his big hugs and his telling me he loved me.

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Hi Jacqueline3,

I am very sorry to read about the loss of your son Garrett.  I think that no matter how long our boys were on this earth it will never be enough.  I had Mike for 35 years, that wasn't and still isn't long enough.  Yes, I enjoyed him those 35 wonderful years.  No, I would not trade them for the world, I just don't know why I only get 35 when other people get so many more.  Did I do something wrong?  It's been a year now and it still seems like it just happened.  My friend made a comment to me on the 17th which was the day Mike had passed, that he is so impressed at how I am moving on, WHAT, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN?  MOVING ON????????  I really don't understand what people think or expect from me.  I am not moving on, I am trying to live a life without my first born because I have two other boys that I love deeply and who are hurting beyond belief.  Is that moving on?  I don't wish this on anyone, I really don't its just sometimes I wish people could feel for maybe just a second how incredible impossible this is.

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Danielle Masata

Welcome to the club Jacqueline.  It's a club no one expected to join, but here we are.  I lost my oldest son Patrick unexpectedly this year. I thought I was doing "moderately" well: keeping busy, starting to get a normal sleep pattern, trying to get exercise, etc. But then the holidays are here and splitting me open all over again.  A few people I had been close with have recently reached out and it just hurts as if the wounds are fresh. I was even getting better about the crying, but now when I hear a sad Christmas song or take out the decorations that I stowed away last year with Patrick's name on it, I just burst out in tears.  I don't know about you, but full-force crying like that exhausts me.

I've also had such terrible problems these past few weeks that I'm overwhelmed.  My computer has incredible viruses that I shouldn't use it.  I tried to install a new security system but instead I made it worse.  The security system I paid help alleviate the problem can't get installed and even the techs over at Apple are defeated. (Tried twice, same result). Another problem --> I'm diabetic and my supplier sent the wrong supplies.  This morning I should have had alarms wake me up to say I needed to eat, but I have the old no-alarm system and that didn't happen. Since the supplier sent the products two days before thanksgiving and I didn't notice within their time frame, they won't take back.  I now have a 90 day supply of outdated supplies. And my insurance won't cover new ones because I was at fault. Another hassle: I lost my wallet too and my car (Honda CRV 2012) is on its last "legs".  Lights on the dashboard all light up warning me of problems, then those lights are off again.  Then on again. And I'm still trying to adjust to the new iPhone I had to get to accommodate the app that reads my blood sugars and I'm not at all a techie.  These apps and gadgets are "supposed to" simplify my life, but instead, makes me miss Patrick even more.  He was always my go-to techie who tailored everything to fit me.  I so look forward to the new year.  But some here's good news for those who suffer from seasonal affective disorder as I do: tomorrow is the official solstice and finally our days will start getting "longer" again.

Thanks for listening and allowing me to vent.  Here's one positive outcome I never expected to expected to find as i try to fix my security issues on my computer: some of Patrick's passwords. I hope you too discover some positives amidst of all the challenges we've had to cope with.

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Dear Roseypal,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Mike.  I agree with you, no matter how long they are with us, it is not enough!  I keep thinking that too, why Garrett?  What did I do wrong to have lost my youngest child.  He was fine one week, the next he was gone.   My family, who have always been supportive have been unhelpful... they are not happy with how I am grieving and I am supposed to get up and move forward!  How the hell am I supposed to do that, my Garrett is gone!  I don't want to move on without him!!   I will never get to hug him again or hear him ask me to listen to one of his rap songs or look at one of his drawings....  My life is shattered and I don't know how to pick up any pieces just to survive the next moment.  I agree with you Roseypal, I would not wish this on anyone... I just want my boy back.  I have two older girls and an 18 month old grandson but I can find no joy in anything. 

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Dear Danielle,   I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son Patrick.  I just found a container of meatloaf in my freezer ( I always mark it and date the item)   Garrett wrote the date and "It's meatloaf, Mum!  YUM!"  (Not his favorite),  on it.  All I could do was stare at it and cry....

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I love all of my children so much... my two girls and Garrett!  All I ever wanted was to be a Mum and after infertility issues, I was blessed with two girls and a boy.... now I have lost my boy, 22 years later.  How do I survive the loss of Garrett.

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Mason’s Mom

Jacqueline3,  I completely understand your pain. I had infertility issues as well.  I have two daughters and I lost my son at age 21. It was 4 years ago last Friday. My husband and I were so excited to be parents and we thought we were so lucky to have girls and a boy. People who have never lost a child will never understand our pain. We all grieve in our own way,  no one can tell us how to heal . I find it helpful for me to stay busy,  the downtime leaves to much time to think. I try to honor my son as well,  that is how as his mom I can continue to show my love. Staying connected with other parents here has helped me to understand my feelings are normal and I have found such compassion just knowing I am not alone. I started and still post on Loss of an adult child.  Each of you may want to check it out.  

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Michael Rodriguez
15 hours ago, Danielle Masata said:

Welcome to the club Jacqueline.  It's a club no one expected to join, but here we are.  I lost my oldest son Patrick unexpectedly this year. I thought I was doing "moderately" well: keeping busy, starting to get a normal sleep pattern, trying to get exercise, etc. But then the holidays are here and splitting me open all over again.  A few people I had been close with have recently reached out and it just hurts as if the wounds are fresh. I was even getting better about the crying, but now when I hear a sad Christmas song or take out the decorations that I stowed away last year with Patrick's name on it, I just burst out in tears.  I don't know about you, but full-force crying like that exhausts me.

I've also had such terrible problems these past few weeks that I'm overwhelmed.  My computer has incredible viruses that I shouldn't use it.  I tried to install a new security system but instead I made it worse.  The security system I paid help alleviate the problem can't get installed and even the techs over at Apple are defeated. (Tried twice, same result). Another problem --> I'm diabetic and my supplier sent the wrong supplies.  This morning I should have had alarms wake me up to say I needed to eat, but I have the old no-alarm system and that didn't happen. Since the supplier sent the products two days before thanksgiving and I didn't notice within their time frame, they won't take back.  I now have a 90 day supply of outdated supplies. And my insurance won't cover new ones because I was at fault. Another hassle: I lost my wallet too and my car (Honda CRV 2012) is on its last "legs".  Lights on the dashboard all light up warning me of problems, then those lights are off again.  Then on again. And I'm still trying to adjust to the new iPhone I had to get to accommodate the app that reads my blood sugars and I'm not at all a techie.  These apps and gadgets are "supposed to" simplify my life, but instead, makes me miss Patrick even more.  He was always my go-to techie who tailored everything to fit me.  I so look forward to the new year.  But some here's good news for those who suffer from seasonal affective disorder as I do: tomorrow is the official solstice and finally our days will start getting "longer" again.

Thanks for listening and allowing me to vent.  Here's one positive outcome I never expected to expected to find as i try to fix my security issues on my computer: some of Patrick's passwords. I hope you too discover some positives amidst of all the challenges we've had to cope with.

morning, get somebody to unhook your battery for a few minutes and then  hook it back again. if it is nothing major it might clean up some of the issue lights you have ....is like re-booting your computer or your phone ....if they are still on you might want to take it to the shop .......talking about cars ....last nite i was at a drug store , drive thru was a nightmare so i decided to park and walk into the drugstore , right next to me this kid , i guess about B's age parks in a Golf GTI and we started talking , back in 2019 B convinced his mom to get a golf gti , those cars are not made for  middle age women ( im sorry if i have offended any of you) ...... we ended trading it after only a few months ....lost a fortune i .....but the point is i started talking cars which i had not done since B left ....after i left tears just started rolling out as if it was a broken water pipe. God , do i miss my son .... i wish i could take a pill and wake up on jan 3rd..... BTW it seems we are all scattered  all over the world

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Mike's favorite dog was and Old English Bulldog, I just filled out an application to rescue one, I hope it helps bring me some peace and happiness.  First things first, they need to pick me, fingers crossed.  His name is Marco he is 9 months old.

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Good Luck Roseypal!  I hope you and Marco bond immediately!  I am saying a prayer and keeping my fingers crossed.   Garrett always wanted a raccoon and said he was going to call it Eugene.  (My boy and the names he would pick)  A local rescue has a four year old raccoon they recently rescued from a hoarding situation.   I have been thinking that I should take her and call her Eugenie... God, I miss Garrett!    What are the chances a raccoon in need would fall into my lap?   I miss my son so much...  Please let me know how things go! 

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Thanks Jacqueline3, I will keep you updated.  I think you should consider the raccoon, animals help heal.

 

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Evening everyone... tonight is unbearable for me... I keep looking toward my Garrett's room and thinking he will never be there again.  Everyone here has fallen asleep and I am again walking the floors.  How did this happen?   How do I survive?  I do not want to do any of this without my boy... I am lost tonight and life has taken too much this time...  I hope all of you are doing okay... I don't... I don't know what to say... the pain is overwhelming.

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You are right, the pain, the lose is so overwhelming.  Can I ask, if you don’t want to say that’s fine, it’s up to you, how did Garrett die?  Mike died at 35 very unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism.

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larry hirschhorn

If anyone would like a copy of my book of poems, Grieving Aaron, write to me and I will send you one. Writing them was a source of consolation for me. Perhaps they will be a source of comfort for others. My email is Lhirschhorn@cfar.com

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Danielle Masata

Dear Jacqueline, I just read your comment about your family and that you're finding them to be unsupportive.  My guess is that they've never lost a child. Whoa!  I lost my mom, a person who ruled the "roast" as they say (6 kids).  It was a true matriarchy and mom lived with us the last five years of her very full life.  She died at 96 yo and was oh-so-ready.  I felt lost without her and still talk to her, but it is nothing like losing a child.  If nothing else, the order is wrong.  Parents are not supposed to bury their children!  I'm guessing that's what your family is thinking: that grief should last only a short time and then it's time to "move along".  But I have discovered grief doesn't fit like that.  The struggles come and go.  Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries all bring up the sad sense of loss.  A song, a photo, seeing a friend from long ago.  Traveling down a road.... all those bring up memories that need to be processed.  And if you're like me, I didn't/don't want to forget a single remnant of my son.  I saved everything because I know I only have today and yesterday, but no tomorrow to create new.

You also wrote about being wide awake after everyone in the house is slumbering away.  Yup.  I did that too.  I was always a night owl, but after Patrick died, I just wasn't ready to go to bed until the ghosts and goblins were visiting... like 2:30 or 3:00am or later.  Awful.  Then I started waking up too early and before you knew it, I was burning the candle on both ends.  Not getting more than 5 hours solid sleep.  I think it's pretty common that this happens and I'm slowly getting back to sleeping 6-7 hours.

Roseypal, I love to read you're getting dog.  What joy!  My little one is so darn dependent on me, but she's also such a great companion too.  Best is that she gets me out of the house and that's when I get some exercise, become a tad bit social, and just enjoy the weather (regardless of how miserable it is outside, it's still better that I get out!)  In fact, Jacqueline, that's the last message I will leave with you tonight: stay busy and find a creative outlet.  I discovered how wonderful it is, like another version of therapy for me. There's Dog Therapy, Art Therapy, and .... Larry discovered that with his writing and his poems. Cooking, journaling, painting, yoga, swimming, etc.  Really helps.  

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Morning everyone... Thank you for talking to me.... Roseypal, I am so sorry about Mike.  Garrett passed of a liver abnormality he was born with.... He had no trouble  before except a rapid heart rate the last several weeks.  Numerous doctors visits and ER visits and heart test said he was fine.   By the time the defect reared its head, it had made his blood acidic and was shutting down his organ systems...  It was only through extensive tests afterward they were able to pinpoint why his blood had turned acidic.   He was a big, strapping young man, strong in mind and body and spirit but when he passed it was fast and merciless.   I am still reeling and trying to draw a breath.   I miss my Garrett, his corny  jokes and laugh.   Danielle, I have been painting, sewing and stitching and it does help for a short time.  I also have been walking my dog more.  My Mum called last night  and we talked for a while... and that really helped. Larry, I have also been writing to Garrett... I started a notebook and I write him letters...  I hope everyone is at least feeling ok this morning.... 

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The world keeps turning without my boy.... How do I live with that.  I miss him, the pain is unbearable and life doesn't give a ****.

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I hear your struggle Jacqueline, I really do. You feel a disbelief that people continue in their lives, as if nothing has happened when your whole world is upside down. For me, when I felt this, the only thing that helped was in knowing that they (I lost my son and my husband eleven months apart) weren't really gone wasn't really gone, that they still exist and someday I would be in their arms again. 

 

I am holding you in my thoughts and prayers... 

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Thank you JJ Flowers for talking to me.  I am adrift in this sea of agony and no one seems to care about Garrett....  Thank you, I am so lost and broken and I miss my son so much.   I am so sorry for the loss of your son and husband.  Thank you...

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You miss your son so much ONLY because you loved him so much. Please do not expect anyone else to grieve in the way that you do. A mother's love belongs only to her--no one else can ever share it. One thing that really helped me was shifting from how much I missed them to remembering happy memories of them and reliving them. IT is a subtle shift but powerful, because instead of thinking of their absence, you remember their presence. Try it. Tell me your two happiest memories of your son Garrett. 

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One of the ladies in my on line support group shared this with us, I felt it was worth passing on33D4839D-BE2C-4C2C-9E4C-6599F1DB7DCB.jpeg.b366b98874f65a2a2e3c51f0835ecdaa.jpeg

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Michael Rodriguez

jaqueline3 , we are all going thru it , we feel that the world for us stopped: but it just kept on going. we miss them so much because such was our love for them ....i for one. am glad the holidays are over and looking forward to monday . yesterday , i went to the cemetery, and just as his b´day , i fixed it all up with balloons. that was my end of year celebration !!!!

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Thank you all for being there for all of us my son Blake would always call me a minute after 12 to wish me a happy new year and of course the call never came but we’re still here all of us trying to get through every day trying to survive through this hell!

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Michael I wish I could find my way to visit Mike at his resting place.  I buried him with my husband, his Dad.  I hope one day I can find the strength to go see them, so far, I have not.  I am glad for you and B that you are able to visit, JJ’s right the balloons are beautiful 

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