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Just wondering


cc9219

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It wasnt exactly my child that was lost but that of my niece, who was stillborn at Christmas.. yet dealing with it is still very hard, as I have never experienced death before. Recently a 'close' friend expressed her annoyance at me for still mouring and told me to 'get over it' which made me question if I still should be feeling this bad? Her outburst is making me spiral back down and makes you feel a little bit more lonly as she was supposed to be there for me. Just wondering if she is right and maybe I am not making enough progress as I should be at 9 months? All opinions and thoughts would be very much appreciated, sometimes its better to hear from people you don't know :)

Thank you!

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Darcy,

So sorry for your loss and even more for your "friend". Your friend must have never lost someone close to her otherwise she would not be telling you to "get over it"

No, you should not "be over it" by now. Grief is something that will not be denied. We, as parents who have lost a child, a piece of ourselves - will NEVER get over it. We learn to live with the grief.

I have been on this grief journey for a little over 3 years now. In the first year, I had to not-see certain people in my life, because they could not handle my grief. That is their problem, not mine. My grief will not be denied and is a permanent part of my life. Your friend is cruel and insensitive for saying that to you.

You will never get over it, but you will learn to live with this grief. Hang in there, my friend. You are doing just fine -

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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Colleen,

Thank you so much for replying. Yes it's been very hard to deal with this and as I thought she was like a sister to me, what she said has completely downtrodden me.

I think she doesn't understand that people that experience this type of loss it can be a little bit harder, well for me, as Sophie was just a baby I constantly think about what could have been, which then she went to say I should forget it happened and compaired it to losing her dog...

But, like you, I think it will take me years to get to a point where I can live with it, it's just hurtful to think that people expect you to just move on with your life.

Thanks, its nice to talk to people that can relate to this, and not feel as alone.

X

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Darcy said I constantly think about what could have been, which then she went to say I should forget it happened and compaired it to losing her dog...

OK, this belongs in our vitual book entitled "Oh No You Didn't Just Say That"

Darcy, almost every one of us has been confronted with cruel comments, but this one deserves to be at the top of the list. Comparing the loss of a child to the loss of a dog. What kind of friend is this?????

If you do not mind, I am going to transfer this statement to the thread "Loss of an Adult Child" That is where I post and the comments will come flying.

Colleen

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