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One Month Post-Breakup.


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Read a book about grief recently that mentioned how support groups can help with the processing, etc. so giving this a shot

A little over a month ago I got broken up with over the phone the morning after our last date at my apartment (movie night), that along with other experiences here has made it difficult to be in my apartment at all, along with various other triggers including just thinking about cooking in general, wanting to see her car anytime I pull into my complex, thinking about various places, parts of town in the city I live in. In the words of this book I read recently "there's no place in your life this loss has not touched." 

This was the first person I ever had in my life that, romantically speaking, actually liked me back. Said so verbally and said so with actions, etc. I'd faced pretty constant rejection going back as far as 5th grade at the school dance up until prom, to pretty much every experience I had in college. After the breakup I said I wasn't going to be one of those clingy exes it was hard though. I still cared about her and wanted to keep in touch. I guess at a certain point, the breaking point was me trying to compliment over instagram and I got blocked, blocked on insta, twitter, tik tok, phone number, you name it. The breakup hurt but that with just the realization that it is *over over* I can't even reach out in months if I wanted to, there is basically no chance I ever see her again. 

To add to all of the above and below I've dealt with mental health issues, anxiety and depression for a good portion of my life. I shared with her the issues I'd had, she shared with me issues she'd had and felt like that added to our level of connection. So just to have all that and one, to have that just disappear just one day, poof, and then secondly, it feels like the block and the ignoring is a complete dismissal of the issues I'd had. There's still a part of me that's holding out hope that we'll work things out but I know thats irrational.

The reason I come here today especially is because for whatever reason, whether it is my self-esteem, wanting to get under someone, what have you I was scrolling through Hinge, the dating app. Was just liking through profiles when it felt like I got hit by a double decker bus. Saw her profile. I could tell she updated it recently since she had her college graduation photos from just a week or so ago. When I saw that it legitimately made me feel physically sick and I'm still laying here in my bed just feeling absolutely frozen. 

I know that all was a complete ramble, I wrote paragraphs out of order even. I'm doing everything I can and can think of to make things better, I'm getting out of my house, I'm eating multiple times a day, I'm going on walks, I saw a therapist, writing about all this in my journal... but this wound still feels as fresh as it did the morning we broke up. Am tired of this pain and just want to shout it out, maybe into the void and maybe someone will reply, who knows. 

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Hi, Robw9677. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

About six weeks ago, I was broken up with by a woman who I was dating for 6 years (I'm 33, this was my third major relationship but by far the longest I've had). I can relate SO much to what you said. One of my biggest fears right now is that she's going to be moving on faster than I am. That she'll start dating someone soon, and it'll just crush me.

The pain, sadness, frustration, everything... it's all a blur.

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felixdelafontaine

sending well wishes to both of you. your posts are fairly old now but just seeing them today as i am looking for support in my own breakup. it's been almost 2 months and i can't stop thinking about this person. everyone says it'll get better and that time will heal the wound but i'm wondering when that will happen. i'm trying to use this as an opportunity to reflect on things i could have done differently in the relationship, and learn more about myself and how i behave with romantic partners, so that hopefully i'll get to a place where i can start something new and be a better partner. but it's just really hard right now. so i hear you, and just keep reaching out for help, doing what you can to learn from the experience, and keep getting through the days. hopefully it will get easier for all of us.

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On 9/16/2021 at 1:42 PM, felixdelafontaine said:

sending well wishes to both of you. your posts are fairly old now but just seeing them today as i am looking for support in my own breakup. it's been almost 2 months and i can't stop thinking about this person. everyone says it'll get better and that time will heal the wound but i'm wondering when that will happen. i'm trying to use this as an opportunity to reflect on things i could have done differently in the relationship, and learn more about myself and how i behave with romantic partners, so that hopefully i'll get to a place where i can start something new and be a better partner. but it's just really hard right now. so i hear you, and just keep reaching out for help, doing what you can to learn from the experience, and keep getting through the days. hopefully it will get easier for all of us.

This sounds so familiar, felixdelafontaine.

I'm now almost six months past my breakup. And there are a lot of days it still really hurts, and my grief is challenging. And, it does get better — and it gets better because you're willing to put in the work. Asking for help, looking at what you can improve, joining activities and clubs, and doing the small things you're able.

I wrote about my breakup journey steps here: https://www.heartbreakhelp.com/. And I remember in my month two it really felt like a regression. Month four is where I started to feel better and could actively participate in an experience again. The first four months I was basically sad all the time.

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Hi everyone... I read all your posts and feel the same thing. I'm 33, had a breakup one month ago... made a mistake of trying to keep some friendship with hope of something change in her mind... my error. She moved and now have a new guy. It break my heart because I had dreams of ask her in marriage this year and try to get a kid. This was my first big relationship with someone I really cared about. 

I'm lost, I always want to talk with her... and I lose myself in this mess. I'm always thinking that i should follow my dream of getting intensive care degree 300km away from her... I asked for waiting 1 year, one hard year... I went 2-3 times per month to stay with her, but she never came to see me since january 2022... she always said that i must follow my dream and that losing her was a risk... i try everything... but she come one month ago, we were in vacations and suddently she said I don't love you anymore. Man your dreams was shattered... and I lost my way... I try to convince her she was doing all the things wrong but this only lead to a more severe gap between us. 

I just wanna know what you did to get over it... because now everything looks so hard and blur...

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GreenSky23
7 hours ago, HLRM said:

Hi everyone... I read all your posts and feel the same thing. I'm 33, had a breakup one month ago... made a mistake of trying to keep some friendship with hope of something change in her mind... my error. She moved and now have a new guy. It break my heart because I had dreams of ask her in marriage this year and try to get a kid. This was my first big relationship with someone I really cared about. 

I'm lost, I always want to talk with her... and I lose myself in this mess. I'm always thinking that i should follow my dream of getting intensive care degree 300km away from her... I asked for waiting 1 year, one hard year... I went 2-3 times per month to stay with her, but she never came to see me since january 2022... she always said that i must follow my dream and that losing her was a risk... i try everything... but she come one month ago, we were in vacations and suddently she said I don't love you anymore. Man your dreams was shattered... and I lost my way... I try to convince her she was doing all the things wrong but this only lead to a more severe gap between us. 

I just wanna know what you did to get over it... because now everything looks so hard and blur...

Hey, HLRM. That's so familiar. I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing so much pain.

I wrote about my journey here, which might be helpful for you: https://heartbreakhelp.com/

I've also done two things/self-improvement and growth events that have helped a LOT: https://www.elevateleadershipcommunity.com/ and https://mankindproject.org/. I hope these resources help on your journey.

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Thank your for the links, I will try to view all. 

My biggest problem was that this relationship ended badly... during the first year everything was amazing but since I moved from Lisbon to Oporto everything went down... and only I tried to keep everything despite the hardwork in my workplace. 

The relationship went bad... she started to flirt online with other guys to improve her eggo... and when whe finished I saw some flirt conversations with sexual invitations... which she declined but keep the talk long enough to damage my heart... I never did that... anda after whe finished se just said one month had gone so now I will start with other guy... I made mistake and went blind mode and said **** and tried to change her view... but this only lead to her bigger No... and ended saying I was the worst thing of her life, she didn't want to see me anymore... 

So this is a big wound because I missed the routine with her... I asked her to wait a year while i finished intensive care rotation... i went always possible to Lisbon to see her... but she never come to see me during that period... only said I am sad and you are never here...

 

So I fell like I did an huge mistake... but clearly she was toxic... but now I'm a big mess... and I'm afraid to give my heart again.... and also to never find the one... I'm very shy and this lack of confidence with girls now... I don't have enough spirit and I'm falling in a state that I never think it would be possible

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MayAnderson

I see in the last comment that she did not refuse online flirting and got what she wanted in the end.. Her self-esteem went up.. However, this is not what I want to point out to you.. The fact is that this method in itself is not can be bad.. You find it difficult to start a conversation, but you could use hookups online yourself - https://www.nastyhookups.com/hookup.html You can set yourself a border - online flirting. Learn to communicate. Look for someone you feel comfortable with. I'm not a fan of returning exes.. This often leads to even more pain.. It's easier to find someone who will help you forget the bad and turn the page. There are things we can't change.. But we can accept it.

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