My furr baby and best friend of 12 years is gone!!! How do I deal with this???? I'm so distraught and lost!!!

[Tberg]

We lost our furr baby 2 1/2 weeks ago. We had her for 12 long wonderful years. The best years of my life!! She was amazing!! There was not a single moment of her life that she was alone. Someone from our large family was literally with her every minute of her life... until the last two days. The vet thought they knew what was wrong with her after she suddenly became I'll. She had to stay the night there to prep for surgery the next day. They went in to do surgery and found out it was an inoperable ovarian tumor the size of a softball. I had to make the hardest decision of my life. She was euthanized. I didn't hug her enough before leaving her at the vet that day. We thought she was coming home. She was never away from us and I can't get it out of my head that she had to have felt abandoned that day. She had to have been thinking "I get sick and you just leave me!?" The last thing I said to her was "you are going to be okay, we aren't leaving you, we are coming back" and that wasn't the case. I am so angry that our vet of 12 years NEVER ONCE told us to have her spayed to prevent this!! It was 100% preventable and it's my fault for not knowing. Its my fault!!!!! I don't think I will ever get over this guilt. I'm also angry because she had lumps on her and I had them biopsied last year and they said they were only lipomas and not cancer. They we're wrong and had this been caught then, it would have been able to be surgically removed. I keep crying, I can't seem to stop. People don't get it. It's just a dog they say. NO!! SHE WAS FAMILY!! She was by my side every day, slept with me every night and rode with me every where to run errands. She ate a piece of every single pb & j my husband ate (which is a lot). She slept on my lap, in my bed, under my blankets, on the kids...she had such a human like personality. She was my emotional support animal and I am absolutely devastated. I'm trying to cope and keep it together for my kids but then it hits me out of no where and I just start balling my eyes out. I can't sleep, I can't smile or laugh or be happy because then I feel guilty and cry more. I think I need another puppy, but then I think that's betrayal!! Then, I think what if I get a new puppy and have resentment because it's not her. I don't want that, a new puppy or any animal doesn't deserve that. I feel like I'm rambling and that no one gets it or will understand. I truly feel traumatized by her passing. I haven't experienced much loss in my life. She was my baby. We had her since she was only three weeks old. We had to bottle feed her every two hours like a newborn. She was my best friend as well as my husband's and all 6 of our kids who she literally grew up with. She was our 7th baby. I just don't know how to move on and get these thoughts of guilt out of my head. Does it get any easier????

[Lsnyder]

I just lost my best friend of 12 years last night, I can’t stop crying. I’m so lost without her. Her name is Layla and she is a puggle. 

[KayC]

Just now, Lsnyder said:

I just lost my best friend of 12 years last night, I can’t stop crying. I’m so lost without her. Her name is Layla and she is a puggle. 

I am so sorry!  Maybe you can tell us a little about her when you are ready...
 

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.