when does the waiting stop

[pjcash]

I lost my 12 yr old son Ryder 1 yr ago come Sept 11, 2011. I am not sure what stage of grief I am in nor do I care. What i am having a hard time with is when does the feeling of waiting end. I feel like I am always waiting for him to come home. I feel like if I leave my home I will miss him when he comes back but then I also don't like to come home because I know he won't be here when I get there. I still can't talk about him without crying. I don't know what to do on the anniversary of his passing. I don't want to ignore it, but I also am not sure if I want to have a gathering or whatever because I don't want to believe what has happened. I know I am a mess, but I don't know how else to be right now. I fight everyday to get up and get through the day. And I know the rest of my family is hurting, but I can't seem to offer them any comfort when I am hurting so much. I am not sure what I need besides the obvious, but I do know I need guidance or help

[westleysmom]

Ryders Mom-I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my only son Westley last year on Jan 13, 6 days before he would have been 21. I have been coming here more than a year. The friends I have made on Loss of Adult Child have helped me so much. You can come there, even if your son wasn't an adult because everybody there understands. Some of the parents there had little kids, so don't let the name of the forum put you off. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and I'm sure to most of us on there. I don't have any words of wisdom, some days are better and some days are worse. And on the better days, I feel bad for it being a little better. Please come back and tell about Ryder. It really does help me to talk to people who understand about my feelings of guilt and grief. Peace and hugs to you.

[angelzone]

I lost my 12 yr old son Ryder 1 yr ago come Sept 11, 2011. I am not sure what stage of grief I am in nor do I care. What i am having a hard time with is when does the feeling of waiting end. I feel like I am always waiting for him to come home. I feel like if I leave my home I will miss him when he comes back but then I also don't like to come home because I know he won't be here when I get there. I still can't talk about him without crying. I don't know what to do on the anniversary of his passing. I don't want to ignore it, but I also am not sure if I want to have a gathering or whatever because I don't want to believe what has happened. I know I am a mess, but I don't know how else to be right now. I fight everyday to get up and get through the day. And I know the rest of my family is hurting, but I can't seem to offer them any comfort when I am hurting so much. I am not sure what I need besides the obvious, but I do know I need guidance or help

The waiting stops when you want it to stop. Although it doesn't happen overnight. It may take years, or it may take weeks, but you have to be determined. I lost my 13 year old son 10 years ago this week, and the first few years I took anti-depressants, which helped enormously, and talked to therapists, which didn't do too much for me, but it did for my wife. This is your life and if you want to make the best of what time you have left, read some books on death and dying, talk to friends, talk to family. Most will give you BS advice because they haven't a clue what you are going through, although you may find someone that can help you. I decided right away that I was going to get through this tragedy without losing myself and I have. You will never get over the loss of your son, but you may come to manage it better in time. I know people say that, however I am speaking from experience.

For my wife, it took 8 or 9 years before she could even speak of it out loud. She had to take paxil and ativan right after his accident. Then later her MD switched her to Wellbutrin. We also had to move. It was too painful to live in the same town it happened in. My wife slept in his bed for 3 months. You just do what you have to do. We had to raise a 10 yr old boy and he got jipped alot as we were a mess grieving. He played alot of video games. But now he's going to school to be a video game developer. Who knows why things work out this way. Please be gentle with yourself and protect yourself. Grieving takes a lot of energy and depression saps you. Visit your doctor for help through this. Don't stop reading. There are lots of good books out there to help you. Go to the self help section at the library or bookstore. I like metaphysical bookstores the best.

Ask people on this forum what books helped them. I would say best of luck, but luck has nothing to do with this issue. It's a matter of will over emotions. Don't let the emotions win. And that doesn't mean you can't be sad or hurt, but when a person is going to an illogical place, you have to get some help, the sooner the better.

Take care.