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Ten Months Today


Yoli

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It seems like an eternity and at the same time it seems like just seconds ago.

I miss her so much.

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Yes, I agree, Yoli.  I feel the same way and it has been just about the same amount of time for me.  The passage of time is a totally different experience now.  It feels like a long time because I miss him so much, but the trauma of his sudden death still hits me like a thunderbolt just as it did the day of his death.  I was going to the grocery store yesterday and had to turn around and come back home.  Just driving along it hit me, how can this be real?  How can my Gordy be gone?  I don't know how people survive this.

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Yes it's surreal. How can Indy not be here? Did I see what I think I saw? Was she snatched away so quickly and so cruelly? Have I existed 10 months without her? I know I haven't lived 10 months without her. The only thing I think about each day is that it brings me one day closer to being with her and being able to leave this pain behind.

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Yoli - I am sorry you are suffering. 

I dread the "mark' days.  I don't want to use the word "anniversary"; that word brings to mind a celebration.  I prefer the word mark, like I am marking time until I see him again.

The passage of time is so different to me now.  Every body else just kept going - but my world stopped.  

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52 minutes ago, jmmosley53 said:

The passage of time is so different to me now.  Every body else just kept going - but my world stopped.  

My sentiments exactly jmmosley53.  There are times though when my world restarts. I was grilling in my back yard yesterday and heard a small child’s joyful laughter. It sounded wonderful. 

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1 hour ago, jmmosley53 said:

The passage of time is so different to me now.  Every body else just kept going - but my world stopped.  

Exactly, the rest of the world did just keep on going while ours stopped. Do we play catch up? Time or events don't mean much anymore.

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18 hours ago, Yoli said:

How can Indy not be here?

I remember feeling that too, he was such a vibrant spirit, so full of zest for life!  How could he just not be?  How could the sun go on shining?  How is it the whole world didn't turn dark and cease what they were doing!  Don't they know the greatest man ever just died!!!

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I often felt there was a rip in the fabric of the universe caused by John's death.  I was dangling from the loose threads. The rules of time and space were distorted in this anomaly.  I couldn't reach the world or connect with it. My connection to John experienced no passage of time. It always felt like he just died yesterday. 

For me, this lasted 3 years. 

 Gail

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It took me a good three years just to process his death, even though it's by no means over...this is a journey that is everlasting until by death we are joined again.

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On 3/12/2021 at 4:54 PM, Yoli said:

The only thing I think about each day is that it brings me one day closer to being with her and being able to leave this pain behind.

Yoli, I sympathize with you. Every day I long to be with my wife, and I can't wait for the day when I join her. It's like a reward that we're working for, even though the days just drag on.

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I'm so sorry, Yoli. 

10 weeks for me on Friday.  It's sure daunting to see how difficult things will continue to be and for how long.  I've never dealt with grief and loss in the past.  This is an experience I'd never wish upon anyone.

But the stories, guidance and support from this community is tremendous.  Thank you all!

 

 

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11 minutes ago, JohnB said:

I've never dealt with grief and loss in the past.  This is an experience I'd never wish upon anyone.

Same here John.  An absolutely indescribable loss. 

14 minutes ago, JohnB said:

But the stories, guidance and support from this community is tremendous.  Thank you all!

It certainly is John. And, thank you for sharing your story. 

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I remember counting weeks, then months, then years.  I guess that's progress???

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