Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Forever 15 Months


Kayden’sMommy25

Recommended Posts

  • Members
Kayden’sMommy25

On Friday July 17, 2020, at about 3pm, I drove my son over to my grandmother’s house to stay over while I went to work. I believe I was scheduled in at 5pm. His Dad, who lived in the home with us, also had to work . I was his source of transportation as well, and our jobs were about 20-30 minutes apart. When I dropped my son off he was perfectly fine 100%. I went back to my apartment and picked up his Dad, whom I was arguing with over what now I’ve realized was pointless, and we drove to his job. I’d say I got to the exit off the freeway we took to get to his job and my phone rang while we were arguing. I didn’t recognize the number, so I didn’t answer. Thinking, if it’s important they’ll call back or leave a message. We arrived at his job and parked in the lot. Still arguing and now acting like an a** hole, I connected my phone to Bluetooth on the car and played the voicemail left from the strange number. Through the car speakers, you hear my grandma’s blood curdling scream of my name, then multiple frantic yells of my son’s name. I called back, no answer. I couldn’t tell you what I was thinking, my mind was blank, immediately I floored my gas pedal and headed back that way. Paramedics called me on the way and said my son was being transported to the Children’s hospital downtown, they were trying to resuscitate him after he was pulled out of her 4 1/2 foot deep above ground pool. Unconscious at the time of their arrival. I was on my way there too, about 5 mins out. They switched up and said No, come straight here, we’re not taking him to the hospital. Part of my heart and mind knew it had been over then. But I didn’t hold on to that I gunned my car that was pretty beat up, all through the back roads behind the factories where we lived, and finally we got there. We’re in the middle of a pandemic. I was not allowed on the truck. For what felt like hours they left me to stand at my car and watch as the truck bounced around like they were putting so much into doing CPR. I have no idea what they were doing. I was not kept informed of his most recent state of health, I had to stand and watch and wait. While what felt like the millions of neighbors were standing in the middle of the street in front of the house, watching, waiting too. A female EMT hopped off the back of the truck and slammed the doors shut. My heart fluttered. She turned and looked at me and everyone and yelled out “Okay, It’s been over an hour, we’re gonna call it.” I cried to her in confusion, “What, you’re gonna call it? What does that mean? Is he ok? Where’s my son? “ she told me “no , ma’m I’m sorry but he is in fact, deceased. I can’t tell you how I felt. I don’t know what I was thinking. I had and still have no explanation for myself, his dad, and anyone else like the DCFS caseworker I still have to report to with my 5yr old daughter who’s birthday was 2 days before this, and the DA’s office who investigated as if there were some kind of foul play on my end. I’m still trying to understand, still trying to find a way to forgive myself and believe that my son forgives me. My baby boy, my everything . Same time of Ight/morning around 2am when he’d usually wake up and cry and whine and crawl into bed with us, I lie awake, sobbing silently not to be heard or disturb anyone’s sleep, because I can’t help but to miss his need for my comfort. I need his comfort. More than anything right now. I’m only 25. I am just now starting my life as a parent and an adult with a good job, a decent car, my own kids, my own place, my own responsibilities. I had overcome so many hardships like drugs and things of the sort before I had either one of my babies and worked to turn my act around. And I still managed to fail. And this time, not only I paid the price and will forever.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

  • Like 2
  • Sad 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Kayden's Mommy,

I am just seeing your post even though it was posted on the 5th.  I am so very sorry about your son.  You must be devastated!  Please know that his death is not your fault and you are not a failure.  It sounds like you have been through a lot in life.  Please do not give up now!  You have had a terrible, terrible loss and just the circumstances and drama around that day breaks my heart.  Please take care and know that this community supports you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.