I no longer care how I look in public

[borbzgirl]

Is it the same for everyone? I see people who lost their loved ones but still put an effort in deciding what to wear to the funeral, what they wear when they're seen in public... I have lost all interest & will to look presentable for anyone in general. Since he has passed, I don't bother. I just don't care. I go out in just my house clothes... I don't bother for anyone, I think they're all unimportant. Unsignificant people, every one of them whether I know them or not.

 

Does anyone else feel this way? I have nothing to give of myself to anyone, not my energy, my time, my interest, nothing. I am completely drained & only have the will-power to mourn him.

[jmmosley53]

Hi borbzgirl,

If you don't have the energy or interest to get dressed up then you don't.  Dressing has really never been about what other people think.  It is about how you feel for yourself.  I suppose that right now you are feeling sad, depressed, and lonely.  You don't feel like trying to be all pretty.  Maybe in time you will but until then, be clean. 

One thing I do know is that sometimes if you fix-up a little, you feel a little better.  In my case being an old lady, there isn't enough fix-up in the world, but a little lipstick and blush, distract from the dark circles under my eyes.  When I look in a mirror I don't want to see a hag.  I feel better when I think I look better.  With COVID there are times I never leave the house or if I do I have to wear a mask so I try to make myself feel better by wearing some pressed coordinated outfit.  But when I get home it is so much easier to just wear comfy stuff.

All that being said you should dress any way you want except, being stinky.

[ScotJ65]

Hi borbzgirl, the only person you should be concerned with right now is yourself. For me, personally, I've never really given a second thought to my appearance. If I feel comfortable in what I wear, then that's all that matters. What people think? Who really cares. This was the case before my angel passed away in November and it'll be the case until I leave this earth. If you believe, as I do, then you'll be reunited with the love of your life in heaven. So, for every single day from this day until that, you should do whatever it takes to make the journey as happy and fulfilling as it possibly can be. And that means putting your own welfare above everything else. Whether that be in house clothes or designer fashion, that's entirely up to you. ((((Big hugs))))

[yvo4848]

• when I lost my hubby I didn't want to get out of bed ,I was only 20 this was 40 years ago. But I had college to get my doctor degree, And have dyslexia so it was very hard for me. All around ,do what makes you feel good has what good can be.yvonne lost my dog 3 weeks ago.

[foreverhis]

Since my husband died, these are my day-to-day criteria:  Be clean (shower and wash hair, etc. or a good wash up if I don't need a shower), clean and comfortable clothes (kind of loose usually like a colorful t-shirt and shorts, capris, or knit pants and I'm a big fan of hoodies and soft cardigan sweaters), and hair and teeth brushed.  That's it most of the time.  On a rare occasion, I'll blow dry my hair, put on something a little "nicer," and slip in some earrings.  I wear my wedding ring and wear his on a chain around my neck, but little other jewelry. 

I don't wear makeup any more and hadn't really for several years.  Long before John was even diagnosed, I stopped wearing makeup every day.  I had had to wear "professional looking" (aka natural, but better) makeup at work for a couple of decades and had spent 20 years in the theater wearing all sorts of stage makeup, so I was pretty over it by the time I turned 50.

I don't really care what others think, so long as I'm clean and properly covered.  The only person I ever really wanted to look pretty for was John, so now it doesn't much matter.

[DMB]

I think it's perfectly fine.  I wear jeans and sweatshirts to work.  The days I work remote, I don't get dressed, and should I need to run to the store for something, yes sir, going with whatever I got on.  Sometimes slippers even.  Don't care.  Only good thing about having to wear a winter coat right now where I am.  Surely I will have to pay better attention when warmer weather comes.

[yvo4848]

Im so wrong here.I have to have matching clothes' jeans nice tops erring necklace .matching. Nice perfume .nice shoes make-up hair perfect if I don't I get anxiety. Weird yes.im 66>I do it for me no one else .now when my hubby passed away 40 years ago I was 20 ,So it was few months and I was back on the band wagon..thats me.But now that my sweet doggie passed I feel sleepy ..sad .I think you all are amazing .I care.

[Sparky1]

When my wife passed, I went to Walmart and got black t-shirts, black sweatshirts and black track pants. That's what I wear inside the house and even when I go to stores. I'm comfortable and I don't give a s*** what people may say. I've seen a lot worse, better than pants with holes in them that are faded. I never understood that style anyway. When I get a little hole, I throw them out. I brush my teeth, shave, and shower every day.

[KayC]

18 hours ago, jmmosley53 said:

If you don't have the energy or interest to get dressed up then you don't.  Dressing has really never been about what other people think.  It is about how you feel for yourself.

Amen to that!

[Gail 8588]

7 hours ago, yvo4848 said:

. . .my sweet doggie passed I feel sleepy ..sad .

Yvo4848, 

Sorry about your dog.  

After my husband passed, our beagle was my constant companion. He died last summer. He was old, deaf, nearly blind, and slept about 20 hours a day. He  had a variety of old dog issues. But I miss his snoring, his sweet personality and his presence in my life. 

It is no small thing to lose your canine companion, especially when we are living such isolated lives.

Hugs, 

Gail

[foreverhis]

On 2/23/2021 at 1:27 PM, DMB said:

going with whatever I got on.  Sometimes slippers even

A funny memory.  When not visiting clients or needing to be at the consulting firm offices (before he went to work for himself), John's "uniform" was a soft polo shirt, cashmere sweater on cool/cold days (I learned to be such a good sale shopper for those beauties!), and either navy or black knit pants or some sort of shorts or khakis.  But sometimes if we weren't going anywhere and he wasn't going to work in the shop, he'd just put on a polo and sweater, but keep his plaid flannel pj bottoms on.

One day he was bopping around the house doing some little chore and decided he needed to go to the hardware store.  He smirked and said, "I'm just going to go like this."  I said, "Mister, you are putting on some sort of pants!  There's casual and then there's silly."  Of course he was teasing and went to put on a pair of pants.  We both laughed and then went about our day.

The next day I had to go do a few errands, including stopping at the bank.  I walked in the door and got in line.  Looking ahead of me, I saw a man about John's age with a similar build and coloring wearing--you guessed it--the exact same red plaid flannel pj bottoms he had "threatened" me with the day before.  I burst out laughing so hard and had to make sure I looked away so the other gentleman wouldn't think I was laughing at him, because of course I was laughing at John and me.

As an aside and OT, it is these kinds of memories that I couldn't "see" for at least the first year.  Slowly all the wonderful, funny, happy, and even mundane memories have filtered forward into my mind and mixed right in there with the devastating, painful memories and images of the months fighting his cancer and then his last shattering day.

[KayC]

I saw a cartoon the other day (wish I could remember which one so I could post it), it showed someone shopping for office attire and all there was, was PJs, since most are working from home now.  We'd fit right in!  I probably wouldn't get dressed except I have to walk my puppy 2-3 times/day, and shovel snow.

[Lisa Allen]

I took about two weeks off.  My husband died of Covid-19.  I work with severe autistic kids. The work is extremely hands on. I am lucky that the appropriate dress is casual.  I have been trying to maintain some degree of fashion.  I guess each day is another attempt.

[foreverhis]

On 2/23/2021 at 2:44 PM, yvo4848 said:

Im so wrong here.I

Just a little note:  No, you are wrong that you are wrong.  (How's that for a silly double negative?)  Seriously, you do the things that make you able to function and face the world, that make you feel more like yourself, and that help you get through each day.  There's nothing weird or wrong about it!

[jmmosley53]

I over heard someone say that 'office workers have all gone feral and won't be able to return to an office environment "  so we might be able to forget about business attire.

I can't remember the last time I went to a formal event.  Seems the whole world has moved to comfy loose clothes.  Maybe we should have been there all along. 

[KayC]

Stiff formal attire wasn't all it was cracked up to be, I got rid of all of my button downs when I retired!  Love comfy shirts and jeans.

 

[TLN]

Hello all, there was a time, probably 20 or so years ago when I was meticulous about my appearance--I literally could not even go to the gas station without being all "done up". I don't know now if I was self-conscious with low self-esteem--or just vain! Either way, I am over being a Glamour Girl! As I grew up more, I found that what I really need, what makes me feel good in private or public, is being "put together". Hair cinched. Clean clothes. And, as jmmosley53 noted, "not stinky". Be well, TLN.