Sibling Loss Feels Invisible

[llamas]

I sincerely don’t want this to be taken wrong, but I’m still picking up the pieces after watching my brother go through a painful long death process nearly 2 years ago. However, because I’m not his wife or mother, I don’t receive annual calls or flowers. I feel forgotten. I do have friends who had checked in with me online. I appreciate them. It’s close family and friends that I am disappointed in. I understand that not everyone comprehends grief. I understand my brother’s young children take precedence. It would just be nice if others took the siblings who are grieving into account. Maybe I feel this way because I’m in a unsupportive environment. I can’t be the only one who feels this way?

[reader]

Dear Illamas,

I hear you. I know this is a very common feeling for many people who are coping with a devastating loss. I too wish people were more kind and considerate and thoughtful. Please know you are not alone.

It might help to let your family and friends know that you would appreciate a check in on the anniversary. So many people live in their own bubble and never realize how their lack of words or actions can be hurtful.

I also found a lot of support at this website about this topic at What's Your Grief.

Thinking of you.

[SandyLoo]

Dear llamas, 

I understand your feeling exactly. Sibling grief can be the forgotten grief because there are expectations that you need extra love/support as a parent, child, spouse.

I also read something interesting one time that sibling loss is the loss of the past, present and future. Also losing a sibling can also be hard because you are “supposed” to hold up the remaining family when you are grieving too and then have guilt when you can’t emotionally do it. 

i will say this, I have struggled with all of the above & my older sister passed away 2 years ago from a 3 year battle with cancer. She was my rock. I am currently struggling with it all again and hope we can support one another in this forum.

wishing you peace.