My turn now !!!

[Coops29]

It has been a few days since I posted on here and was not going to bother again however I felt I needed to pent and not be judged. I lost my beloved Donald who I was with for 30 years only 9 months ago to cancer at the young age of 51. I have a daughter of 43 who currently is terminal with 4 brain tumours derived from breast cancer 3 years ago. 

Here is the thing. Whilst I am struggling to live with losing my beloved and the thought that I will one day lose my daughter I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer myself and a second cancer of lymphoma. 

My world has just completely stopped and do not know how I supposed to go on. I am certain that the intense grief I have been going through has contributed to my illness so I would say to all of you suffering that you get some help and do not suffer in silence as it takes a toll not just on your mind but physically to. 

I am not putting this on for sympathy so please don't think I am. I have spent many a lonely day and night crying with exhaustion for Don and I should have got something from the doctor to calm me down and preserve my health. I just want all of you to be aware and please look after yourself. 

I will fight this and know that my angel will look over me. Although I am desperate to see him again I feel the time is not right yet as I want to see grandchildren grow and get married and be happy. 

Be safe and look after yourselves through your grief. It is important that you do. 

[jmmosley53]

Hello Coops29,

I am very sorry for your loss of Donald.  I am also sorry about your cancer diagnosis.  

I urge you to contact the Cancer Society in your area and get help.  They often have free rides to treatment.  Or can arrange for someone to come and help with household tasks.  What ever you tell them you need they can try and connect you with the proper resource.  I am a cancer survivor and know that this is a very frightening time for you and that there may be days were you are not able to drive or vacuum the floors etc.

You must be a true warrior to have gone through what you have already endured.  Best of luck receiving your newest treatment.

[Coops29]

Thank you jmmosley53

I live in the UK and have been in touch with my local Macmillan cancer services but due to Covid everything is restricted. 

I am truly pleased that you have survived the horrid disease that has destroyed my family. 

I have a very strong network of friends who are all rallying and the offers of help are pouring in so I am sure I will be fine. I don't really care about a bit if dust or the floors need hoovering till I am able to do it.  Although I have to say I am usually OCD about housework . Getting stronger is more important. 

I appreciate your sentiment but I am no warrior. As all on here we do what we can to get through but we do go on . 

[Missy1]

Thank you for sharing @Coops29 it was brave and you will get no judgement here. I love your message, it is so difficult to see one’s self objectively. I know I am not mentally healthy, I can see signs of complicated grief and deep depression as well, I don’t want help. I don’t enjoy suffering but just feel so disconnected from this world, I just don’t care enough to get help.
Every day is a struggle.... we have all fallen through this trap door and find ourselves in this strange new existence. We must fight to see some light on the darkest of days because of the love we have for them. I take comfort in the fact that life is temporary and I can’t wait to see him again.

[Bennie Jets]

5 minutes ago, Missy1 said:

Thank you for sharing @Coops29 it was brave and you will get no judgement here. I love your message, it is so difficult to see one’s self objectively. I know I am not mentally healthy, I can see signs of complicated grief and deep depression as well, I don’t want help. I don’t enjoy suffering but just feel so disconnected from this world, I just don’t care enough to get help.
Every day is a struggle.... we have all fallen through this trap door and find ourselves in this strange new existence. We must fight to see some light on the darkest of days because of the love we have for them. I take comfort in the fact that life is temporary and I can’t wait to see him again.

Missy1, please get help. Do you know how you can get help or do you need someone to help you find a way?

[Missy1]

I think grief is very personal and we all need to do what feels right. I will be okay, I find ways to make it through the day like many others here. We all understand that it’s each of us has very different circumstances to deal with. We must give each other that room to heal. 

[Bennie Jets]

 

23 minutes ago, Missy1 said:

Thank you for sharing @Coops29 it was brave and you will get no judgement here. I love your message, it is so difficult to see one’s self objectively. I know I am not mentally healthy, I can see signs of complicated grief and deep depression as well, I don’t want help. I don’t enjoy suffering but just feel so disconnected from this world, I just don’t care enough to get help.
Every day is a struggle.... we have all fallen through this trap door and find ourselves in this strange new existence. We must fight to see some light on the darkest of days because of the love we have for them. I take comfort in the fact that life is temporary and I can’t wait to see him again.

2 minutes ago, Missy1 said:

I think grief is very personal and we all need to do what feels right. I will be okay, I find ways to make it through the day like many others here. We all understand that it’s each of us has very different circumstances to deal with. We must give each other that room to heal. 

Of course.

It sounded like a call for help to me. Just did not want you to feel like nobody is answering. 

[Missy1]

No, just venting in a safe space. Be careful to not judge people, allow us to grieve in our own way. I know how to get help, I am going through complicated grief not asking for help here. I was just sharing like we all do. 
Sometimes we just need to listen and not judge others, this is supposed to be a safe place to express yourself. 
people like you @Bennie Jets makes me not want to post.

[KayC]

Coops, thank you for sharing, that was very caring of you.  We aren't here to judge anyone, we want this to be a place of respect and that includes all backgrounds/beliefs.  We want to be here for you.  We are all going through this together, in various stages/time frames, it helps to know we aren't alone in our feelings.

[Kelly]

Hi all,

Saying "hello" for a moment. I think in our society it is really hard to understand deep grief that is complicated. Honoring the walk people want to walk and stepping back and saying I love you, I care but not stepping in and trying to "fix them". Especially now, everyone is so "raw" for multiple reasons. It is hard sometimes to honor someone else's choice but it is their choice. You may or may not have found this area yet on the site but if you look up in the navigation you will see the word "Circles". In this area are little areas that are a bit walled off from the main discussion board. Everyone can join but they aren't seen at first glance. One of the topics we have there is the "Deep Pit" where members are discussing the darker days and journeys. All are welcome in this space. I started it a few years back because or this exact struggle you all are having in this discussion which looks to be resolved now.

Additionally, if you look up in the green bar, you will see the word "journals" and this is a place to publicly or privately keep a journal of your journey.

Holler if you need us!

Kelly