Members M.H. Posted February 15, 2021 Members Report Posted February 15, 2021 My parents were divorced most of my life and really didn't want me because my mom became pregnant when they were discussing divorce. They kept me and I still had a decent relationship with my dad even though I lived with my mom. While my dad wasn't the warmest person, we had many similar traits that I enjoyed having in common with him, especially apparent as we both aged. He got COPD at around 69, but I never knew it would kill him in exactly 5 years, as my mom had it too and it never caused her much of a.problem. My step-mom called me when I was at work and told me to.come because it was the end! I didn't know he was even close. I got to spend one day with him and he seemed like he was going to be fine, but died the first full day at the hospice after being what I thought was "fine" at the great hospital where we live. I took his wife home by 6 the night prior because I had to go to my friend's birthday party and told my dad we would return the next day. I never saw him.conscious and he died the next day after we returned from lunch. I saw him die. I saw him go from red healthy skin to grey-black skin and death, it was like a horror movie. A sight that traumatized me, especially being an Atheist. He left his trust to my step-mom first and she is only 15 years older than me, so I will not inherit what he promised me my whole life probably. What bothers me more than the money is that he didn't care enough about my well-being to the end. I am divorced,struggling, and not career oriented anymore even though I have worked my whole life. At 51 I am tired. He did provide a healthy college fund as he promised for my daughter. It has been two years and I can't get over the trauma, sadness, or anger.
Members reader Posted March 15, 2021 Members Report Posted March 15, 2021 Dear M.H. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard and there are so many thoughts and feelings to deal with. It is not uncommon to still feel trauma, sadness and anger at 2 years. I still have these feelings and it's been 5 years. We all grieve differently and there is no right way or wrong way or even a fixed timeline. For myself, I tried everything from grief counselling, grief support, writing, reading, art classes, joining this forum. I also found these websites helpful: What's Your Grief Grief in Common Grief Share Grief Healing Blog I hope you find some additional support that will give you some comfort and peace. Thinking of you.
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