From loving girlfriend to obsessed stalker

[borbzgirl]

I have diminished myself into this, I spend hours going through every single detail of his social media account scrolling through years and years of photos he might have been tagged in that I missed before, engagements, etc. to just see anything new about him... I'm so hungry for more of him, I even search his family's social media accounts to try and find old uploaded photos he might be in to amuse myself with. I join Facebook groups he was in & search for posts he made in them. I was never really interested before but now, it makes me find something new about him & makes me happy... I have become so tiny, now I feel like I'm just this obsessed girl stalking him...

Does anyone else do this? I have literally scrolled his facebook down to when he had just created it, I have gone that far. I enjoy reading comments he made, videos or photos he's in, posts he shared, anything and everything, it reminds me of him being alive.

[KellyAdalee]

That’s completely normal I do it with anything I can find of my boyfriend I just want any ounce of him I can get!!! I go through all of his twitter dms his camera roll all of his friends accounts to see if they have any pictures of him I’ve never seen I’ve been trying to get into the shows he loved when he was here I don’t think you’re crazy or obsessive we all cope in different ways this may be helping you cope although I’m not a professional because I’m doing the same thing as you if it’s making you feel better keep doing it!

[borbzgirl]

37 minutes ago, KellyAdalee said:

That’s completely normal I do it with anything I can find of my boyfriend I just want any ounce of him I can get!!! I go through all of his twitter dms his camera roll all of his friends accounts to see if they have any pictures of him I’ve never seen I’ve been trying to get into the shows he loved when he was here I don’t think you’re crazy or obsessive we all cope in different ways this may be helping you cope although I’m not a professional because I’m doing the same thing as you if it’s making you feel better keep doing it!

OMG, I also watched the movies he mentioned he really liked. I never bothered to watch them before because they were action films, but now that he's gone I'm grasping for anything, trying to find any way to maintain any connection to him... I'm glad to hear that somebody else is going through the same thing, I feel so tiny in his world now. 

[Bennie Jets]

I also think this is normal and would rather be weird if we did not care or search for the ones we loved. I have been going through tons of old photos that I would not have touched in years if he was still here.

At the same time, remember to be kind to yourself. You loved two people and one is gone now. The other one is still there and you are responsible for loving that one as well. You are just as valuable and unique and only once in this entire universe and every moment you live will not return. Do something you enjoy, a cup of tea, a deep breath, a short meditation to see how you are doing today.

[jmmosley53]

I too want to touch everything he touched be it online or around the house.  I personally do not feel diminished by doing that.  I am searching for memories forgotten to be remembered.  I want to bring forward to my mind every single image I have of his face.  When I go to bed at night I touch the mattress on his side of the bed.  There are indentations where his shoulder and hip rested.  Don't worry about labels like diminished or obsessed, consider instead that you are on a quest for knowledge which is a noble task.

[KayC]

I think this is normal/common in early grief.  My husband had very eclectic taste in music and quite a collection of it, I don't care for hard rock or some of it, but I listened carefully to each and every CD of his to try and ascertain what he saw in it, in an effort to be closer to him, understand everything about him that I could.  We go through their belongings, their wallet, you name it.  We didn't do it when they were alive, we didn't need to, we had THEM!

[Maria_PI]

We go through their belongings, their wallet, you name it.  We didn't do it when they were alive, we didn't need to, we had THEM!

Kay, thank you for articulating this so precisely! It’s like a revelation to me now! Since I lost him, I have been listening to my husband’s music, especially the one he wrote and sang, and liking it more and more, yet feeling guilty for not recognizing it and valuing it while he was alive. Well, this explains it - I had him then to talk to me and express himself. Now I should be blessed that I have his songs to do that, his emails, his messages, his random notes, to speak to me. I miss his hugs and his presence terribly, but his voice and his soul is with me in all things he left behind. I am now having a hard time letting them go. Even his clothes and shoes, they are still tangible reminders of him. I dread the moment in less than a year from now that I will have to part with most of them and move out of this empty lonely house.


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[Roxeanne]

Maria i had this contradictory feelings immediately after my loss: the need to close the door of our house behind me as a symbolic way to leave behind not our beautiful life together but the devastating pain of his suddenly absence

And the need to collect every little things connected to him to remember him more and more.

I think that's normal, your brain trying to face the inexplicable and the unbearable!

It took me 2 years to free his closet and reluctantly!

But i have to do that...'cos i read somewhere ' if you leave his things unchanged as if he could come back ( and it was my intention! ) you will crystallize the pain too!

Now after almost 3 years i think is true...and i want remember him for the best things we had together without the terrible pain!

You will know when you are ready.

 

 

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Maria_PI said:

I dread the moment in less than a year from now that I will have to part with most of them and move out of this empty lonely house.

I am sorry.  We want to hang onto everything we can, it's all we have left of them.  I will never part with his bathrobe.  Who'd have thought that's what I'd cling to when I bought it for him?!

Even now when it snows I remember the day so long ago when he wanted to make snow angels in our backyard with me!  He had so much zest for life, it was like seeing life through his eyes all over again, like with a puppy or small child, he always reminded me of a puppy wagging it's tail, he had so much zeal!  I loved it and I miss him beyond description.  There is no one like him.

[borbzgirl]

So I suppose this is common behavior after all. I did start listening to the songs he liked and even searched for their lyrics. I'm so hungry for more of him, I can't quite explain this longing, it's so intense sometimes. I find it hard to handle.