I came full circle

[jmmosley53]

In 1971 my husband and I were in schools about 100 miles away from each other.  We wrote letters constantly.  When I left my school I gave the letters my husband wrote to me back to him because I had a snoopy mother and didn't want her to read them.  

I knew my husband had kept the letters I wrote to him in a box on shelf of our closet, but I never touched them until the other day.

All my letters were filled with how much I loved him, how much I missed him, and when would we see each other again.  

Damn I could have written those letters yesterday instead of 50 years ago. - It is like the circle is complete.  I'm back were I started.

I can only read 2 or 3 of his letters to me before I start crying  so hard I can't see.  Just seeing his handwriting is enough to start the tears rolling..

I am blessed that he kept those letters - they are sweet reminders of 2 kids falling in love and making plans for a life together.  It all happened, just as we hoped.

It is surprising to me that my heart never changed - I hate being separated from him.  The circle is complete.

[KayC]

We started out getting to know each other through writing letters as I'd written a letter to the editor and he'd responded, so our hearts poured out to each other, getting to know each other the first several months before meeting in person, we began as friends but the connection was deep.

I could say the same thing as you and relate so well to how you aptly put it.

[Sparky1]

My wife kept every greeting card I gave her as did I and I keep finding them all over the place. Reading them breaks me down as we used to tell each other that we would have many more birthdays together and that we would grow old together and be there for each other. Just before Christmas, I found one of hers under the computer desk! I opened it to look at it and nearly had a heart attack. It was a Christmas card with NO date on it, we usually wrote the date at the top of the card. It said, Merry Christmas, I love you your_______. I was flabbergasted and now I keep it separate, knowing that somehow she made that card available for me this past Christmas. I do believe it. I also found a safety training booklet in the same spot about a month ago!!!

I still have our messenger chats we had when we first met and we would spend hours chatting and phoning  each other every day.

[KayC]

Wow, Sparky!  So if it was there when you found your safety training booklet, you would have seen it...

Gives me the chills, I don't know how all this works from the other side but it seems they try really hard to get through to us...

[Sparky1]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

Wow, Sparky!  So if it was there when you found your safety training booklet, you would have seen it...

Gives me the chills, I don't know how all this works from the other side but it seems they try really hard to get through to us...

I have a keyboard tray under the desk, and they might have been there and fell out. But two items in the same location? And at different times? I don't think it is a coincidence.  The other day at work I was thinking of a song and the beginning guitar riff. I said to myself, I haven't heard this song in a long time. On the way home from work in the car, I was listening to some station but didn't like what was on it. So I put it on another preset station, and guess what? The song I was thinking about at work was playing on the radio. It's not a common song that is played a lot either. I was shocked but happy realizing without a doubt that it was my wife. The funny thing is she didn't like this type of rock music and probably never heard this song before.

[borbzgirl]

I am so jealous that you got to spend 50 years with him, you being able to express how much you loved him (and vice versa) for that long... I only got 2 years with mine... I yearn to be able to love hiim longer, I still have so much of the emotion in me but no more outlet... Consider yourself lucky in this aspect, that you definitely succeeded in love & got 50 years of it. You have a beautiful love story, and I can't imagine the pain of losing a love you've built 50 years of your life around.... And getting used to a new life without him. Time was in your favor although unfortunately we will always feel like it is never enough.

 

The only consolation I can think of is at least he won't have to experience your death, which I can imagine would have been just as hard for him.

[KayC]

On 2/13/2021 at 8:01 AM, Sparky1 said:

I don't think it is a coincidence.

I'm not one to believe in coincidences. 

[Yoli]

Before I met Indy I always thought I would end up alone. We met and that thought disappeared. Now I am back at that point, now knowing that I will be and am alone again.

[KayC]

I know. It felt like we'd just found each other and put our lives together only to have it all undone all too soon.

 

[Sparky1]

46 minutes ago, KayC said:

I know. It felt like we'd just found each other and put our lives together only to have it all undone all too soon.

 

Yep, I have the same feeling. My wife was eagerly awaiting my retirement so we could spend more time together. We could have had at least another 20 to 25 years together and now all that hope and dream has evaporated like a flame in a tornado. We were going to spend summers up north in cottage country and winters maybe going south, to Florida, the Carribean, whatever we could get to. That's definitely been ripped out of my life.

[Diane R. E.]

I'm so sorry Sparky1, for the loss of your wife as well as the future you had planned. I'm in the same situation - I retired last June, we moved to AZ in August to begin our retirement together, and my husband passed away on October 6, 2020. It's a double whammy that makes it so heart wrenching.  

[Roxeanne]

17 hours ago, Yoli said:

Before I met Indy I always thought I would end up alone. We met and that thought disappeared. Now I am back at that point, now knowing that I will be and am alone again.

I am feeling the same..alone again

[Sparky1]

5 hours ago, Roxeanne said:

I am feeling the same..alone again

That's the hardest part for me to get through. It seems like there's a few days where it's not so bad, then wham, like a hammer in the head, that feeling of being lonely gnaws at my intestines all over again. This is brutal, I just finished having dinner and was sitting there all alone and looked to where my wife used to sit. I said, baby, there's enough food here for you as well, how I wish you were here to eat with me. Even eating is tough, and I have to watch that the tears don't flow into my plate of food.

[Missy1]

I feel the same way, I feel like our lives together we’re just a cruel teaser, I am alone again after almost 30 yrs.

I cry and my tears flow into my food when I am eating all the time, I don’t even bother to try. Just thinking of anything more than getting through today is overwhelming still, after a year.

I too had given up on finding love when I met him randomly asked his a question about how far this lake was. He replied but had no idea. We locked eyes the world faded away in that moment. We never never left each other’s side since that day we met, we both fell deeply in love. It was a fantastic, wild ride full of adventure, highs and lows but always love for one another. 
 

[KayC]

George was barely 51, we didn't get to make it to retirement...when at last I did it was very anticlimactic.  I'd looked for a job (recession time) for a year, and on my 61st birthday my boss cut my job, no notice.  I called it good.  No retirement party, no cards, not even a lunch out to celebrate.  This was not what we'd had in mind.  We thought we had years left together before either of us would be gone.  We'd bought the porch swing to grow old together on...instead, the cat took it over.