Caring for My Terminally Ill Grandfather By Myself

[Wednesday D.]

At the beginning of December 2020, my grandmother was in a horrible car accident. She survived about two weeks in the hospital before she finally passed. Just a couple of weeks later, my grandfather was diagnosed with untreatable metastatic cancer. My grandmother was his caregiver for all of his other medical issues before her accident, and with her gone, I was the only person he could turn to. We do not have any other family members who can, or WILL, come help us. As of right now, he has hospice services, but he insisted that he only have a nurse come out once a week, for one hour, and he rejected the other help (CNA's, volunteer sitters, etc.). Don't get me wrong, please... I was, and still AM, MORE than happy to be here taking care of him! My struggle is with all the mental and emotional strain all of this is putting on me in such a short time. See, my grandparents raised me, so they are more than just my grandparents. They are, in every important sense of the word, my parents. And now, not only have I lost my grandmother, and the only mother I knew until adulthood, but now, I am losing my grandfather, who always treated, and helped raise, me like I was his very own daughter. And while I am happy to be able to help him, seeing him suffer, being unable to "cure" him, no matter what I do, knowing that his grief over losing his wife is not doing his condition ANY favors, and all of this on TOP of grieving the loss of my grandmother (ALL while pretending that I don't have a care in the world) is... soul crushing. I know, that probably sounds overly dramatic, but I really don't feel like it is much, if any, of an exaggeration. It really does feel heavy and painful to my core, and it gets harder every day. And I feel guilty for even THINKING about how hurt/stressed/sad/lost I feel... but I feel all of these things, despite the guilt. I feel like I am not in a good place mentally at ALL right now, and I don't know what to do...

[reader]

Dear Wednesday,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother and also dealing with your grandfather's health issues. It is a lot for a young person to cope with. 

I know your grandfather stated he did not want more help, but this is not fair to you. 

Both of you are raw with grief. It's very hard. But it's so important to get as much support as necessary and hopefully a social worker, trusted friend or family member, counsellor can be of assistance during this time. Please don't be afraid to ask for help or feel like you have to shoulder all the responsibility of his care.

I hope you can find the extra support that you need to help you during this very sad and difficult time.

Thinking of you. 

[Patty_CGerry]

Thinking of you today.