loss I still cannot believe she's gone

[delicatelights]

I lost my mom last year on July 10th to be exact.. my mom and i were really close everyone who knew us always said that we were more of best friends than mother and daughter, her death almost destroyed me and drove me to very dark places. My parents got a divorce when i was very little my father never wanted a daughter and one thing led to another and they separated he was never part of my life (he also passed away back in 2019) and i am an only child ( i do have step siblings tho) so my mother was my everything. she got sick late of June and i took her to the hospital she was in the ICU for 26 days, but they felt like 26 years every second a kindle of hope lights up inside me and the next it's bad news after the other, when she passed i felt like my heart was ripped out of me it's like being operated on while being fully aware of everything the pain would never go away to top it all my step-siblings from my mother's side never gave me the chance to grieve the moment she passed they came for the inheritance so many horrible event happened after that and 2020 was quite literally the worst year of my life i was kicked out of my own home with no job and no support system to fall back on i never got the change to grieve her death, i dream about her every night that she's alive and all of this was just a bad dream or one of my fever dreams sometimes i hear her voice calling me when I'm home alone sometimes i see her in the street but mostly i see her a lot in my dreams ans shes always alive and well she smiles at me and she's healthy and she tells me all will be okay, i know she's gone but i feel like she might walk right through the doors any minutes, everything around me reminds me of her, I just want the pain to stop I've been sobbing the entire time I'm writing this, I feel alone even when I'm surrounded by the crowds it's like my soul died with her and now I'm just a shell of a human body walking around.