How can I go forward?

[Thegirlwithnoparents]

I lost my dad a week ago today. The night before he said he had a slight headache, and was really sleepy. As he slept very little I thought it to be his usual symptoms. I suggested he get some sleep. I just gave him dinner (chicken and potatoe salad, we were supposed to have wings together but the darn store was sold out).  Made sure he took his medication and clicked the light off and told him I loved him. He said it back! I told him I would be back to Check on him, I went to my room, worked on my hobby (making press on nails) and noticed the time was a little early, thought to myself hey I think imma gonna get some rest early tonight. I heard a loud thump, ran to my daughters room and confirmed with her that the loud noise was her..I thought my dad was sleep so I didn’t want to bother him with my antics since I already knew the loud noise came from my daughters room. I noticed a tow tru k towing a truck illegally..made note of that..turned in the for the night..woke up to my husband calling at 3:30..it was almost time for work..I hit the snooze..needed just a bit more sleep to prepare for the say ahead..I was going to make it a short day..it was my second to last day at my seasonal job..I was going to have eight hours of my days back to focus..hopped on the phone as usual. Took calls for about two hours then noticed it was my break...headed straight to my dads room as I usually do. Right before that I turned the heater on because we like to warm it up while we briefly talked and I took his breakfast order. Opened his door with all the happiness in the world “Daddio” I called as I walked in the door..I noticed he wasn’t laying in the bed..and his bathroom light was on..Daddy..I called again thinking he’d fallen asleep on the toilet..I walked in further to his bathroom and my world world changed. There he was..dead on the floor..how did I know he was dead..he didn’t answer..he always answers back..always..I freaked..me and my eight year old home alone with my dad..then I noticed blood.why was there blood...I touched his hand yelling Daddy..Daddy..nothing..I touched his back...cold...nothing..my beautiful father was gone..and all I could of was that damn loud thump? Had it been him after all and my daughter?? My dad was 72, by no means young, but by no means old..none of his live rally lived. I’m devastated! As I had dedicated my years to taking care of my parents..everything is in my dads name..me and my husband and daughter are stuck..yes he has a job..I just lost mine..and my main source of everything was my dad who told me he had me. I could care less about the finances I suppose like every other person I’ll figure it out. I lost my mom in April 2017. She died suddenly, found her dead too..I just feel lost..I just feel defeated..I feel it’s my fault. I’ve lost both of my parents in less than 4 years..my dad was so sick most of his time was spent in bed or doctors appointment. I had senses the end was near..but sooo suddenly, so soon, so tragic looking. My father was a gentle giant who deserved to die in his bed. I know that sounds sick but I just feel that way. I went to bed early without checking on him. I might have been all the difference. But I just thought to check on my child first..I thought he’d gone to sleep. Now I will never know.. an why they blood?? Whyyyyyyy???  

[Trikwuchi]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. It must have been a massive shock finding him like that.  Please don't think any of this was your fault. There's nothing you could have done differently. I'm sure you have done the same as you did other days and he was fine. 

It will take time to come to terms with it all. Such a shock to the system. 

I lost my mum 3 weeks ago and it still feels unreal, even though I know it's true. I've no idea how long it will take to live any kind of normal life.

Take care of yourself 

[Monty]

Hi  Thegirlwithnoparents,

I am also the girl with no parents. I am sorry for your losses. I also lost my Mum suddenly 4 years ago. My Dad found her on the bathroom floor. I lost my beautiful Dad 3 months ago. Devastated, broken and alone are words to describe how I am feeling. I cannot believe that both of my parents are gone. I know people my parent’s ages who still have parent/parents alive. How is this fair?

It must have been traumatic finding your Dad like that. Guilt is a very normal part of grief. I know I blame myself that I did not find the text message from my Dad earlier when he texted me asking for help as he had collapsed. What if I had got the paramedics to him earlier? Or if I got to him earlier? Would he still be alive today? 
 

Sorry to blurt out my own sorrows but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I’m sure your Dad appreciated all you did you him. Hold in your heart that the last words you said to each other were ‘I love you’ ❤️. Take care and be kind to yourself. 

[Thegirlwithnoparents]

4 hours ago, Trikwuchi said:

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. It must have been a massive shock finding him like that.  Please don't think any of this was your fault. There's nothing you could have done differently. I'm sure you have done the same as you did other days and he was fine. 

It will take time to come to terms with it all. Such a shock to the system. 

I lost my mum 3 weeks ago and it still feels unreal, even though I know it's true. I've no idea how long it will take to live any kind of normal life.

Take care of yourself 

First, thank you for reading my words. I am trying to find people who are like me and this was a big step for me exposing myself like this. Thank you for reading and responding. I wish you some peace as well. This whole orphan life started with my Mom in 2017, that was very very hard to accept..I was just kinda learning to live without her, guess that made me depend on daddy that much more. It’s sucks when you have good parents who just leave you. If you need a friend to talk to. I am here..

1 hour ago, Monty said:

Hi  Thegirlwithnoparents,

I am also the girl with no parents. I am sorry for your losses. I also lost my Mum suddenly 4 years ago. My Dad found her on the bathroom floor. I lost my beautiful Dad 3 months ago. Devastated, broken and alone are words to describe how I am feeling. I cannot believe that both of my parents are gone. I know people my parent’s ages who still have parent/parents alive. How is this fair?

It must have been traumatic finding your Dad like that. Guilt is a very normal part of grief. I know I blame myself that I did not find the text message from my Dad earlier when he texted me asking for help as he had collapsed. What if I had got the paramedics to him earlier? Or if I got to him earlier? Would he still be alive today? 
 

Sorry to blurt out my own sorrows but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I’m sure your Dad appreciated all you did you him. Hold in your heart that the last words you said to each other were ‘I love you’ ❤️. Take care and be kind to yourself. 

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I know it’s weird to connect with people over sorrow. I do keep that in my heart that he told me he loved me. It’s like that’s all I will ever hear again. I’m sorry you lost your parents. It’s not an ideal club to belong to. If you need me please reach out.  Please take care of yourself and as they say one day at a time. ❤️