One After Another

[theRTRP]

I'm a respiratory therapist with 5 years experience. I've encountered all kinds of patients and I've loved every moment of taking care of them.

2020 was terrible though. It was March 14, 2020 when I first handled my Covid+ patient. It was also that night that I voluntarily quarantined myself at home. It's been work and my room. I have been on self quarantine since.

Unfortunately my first Covid+ patient was also my first Covid death. He wasn't the last too. It's been one death after another, it's exhausting. 

Since his death I have surpassed my patient death in a few months compared to my years of practice. They weren't just Covid deaths either. My line of work means that I take care of the sickest patients. A lot of those, I became friends with. They stayed in my care for quite some time that I started to get to know them. 

Before Covid, I usually had acute care patients. Now my patients stay for months. It is this reason that the deaths I see have become harder. I find myself crying at the most random times. I breakdown and hide in my bathroom. I have no one to comfort me because I am afraid I will pass the virus to them. I also can't let my mom know how I'm feeling. She's worried enough as it is.

This pandemic has been so tough. I feel so alone a lot of times. I can't chat with my mom like I used too. My workmates are on the same wavelength and I can't connect. My dreams and reality mix together. I wake up and show up for work tired. I have never thought and wanted to change career before this, I love my job. Right now all these pain I witness is making it hard to enjoy what I do.

I can't even properly put into words how I really feel. I've been wanting to write for a while, just couldn't. 

I'm just so tired and I don't mean physically.

[reader]

Dear the RTRP,

(((hugs))) Thinking of you. You have a very difficult job and it takes an emotional and physical toll. It's only normal to feel tired. 

It's so important to have support. Please know we are here to listen. 

Thank you for doing everything you can for your patients. I hope you know all your care and compassion means so much to them and their families.