Loss of dad to suicide

[Kellyannl]

I lost my dad to suicide in September 2020, im really struggling with the unanswered questions and the fact that im never going to see him again. I'm just so confused and it was so out of the blue, I feel like ive been living a lie my entire life.

Im 26 years old and had his grandchild 2 years ago, he hasnt seen me get married, grow up or even my son grow up. Im just so confused and heartbroken.

I dont know how my life is ever going to be normal again, I think about it every second of everyday and try keep a brave face for my little boy but the minute he goes to sleep I am distraught. Everything reminds me of him and I forget sometimes that hes gone and go to message him, or think i see his van when I'm driving somewhere, Its torture. 

I hate feeling heartbroken every single day of my life and feel like im living a lie to my own son pretending im this happy person when really im broken. 

Im not sure what I want from this forum I just guess I want someone to tell me that they've experienced what I've experienced and things get better.

All he has done is passed his pain to us all

[Trikwuchi]

I'm terribly sorry for your loss.  How painful and difficult it must be for you.  Especially having a young child. There must be a feeling of unanswered questions. 

Sadly grief is the price that we all pay for love.