My dad has terminal cancer and has 6 months to a year

[SusieQusie]

We got news today that my dad’s melanoma is progressing rapidly and it nearing the exhaustion of available treatments. It all happened so fast. My dad was an active person that could do anything, walk anywhere, talk laugh, take care of my mom dads home, fix anything, build anything, drive anywhere.  Never a smoker, never a drinker! Mid December weakness set in, he wasn’t hungry, he moved slow. He seemed out of, slow and feeble. We thought it was medication effecting him and encouraged him to fight and that soon it may be over. I told him sticking through the medication was him paying the piper; he could get through it when it’s over.
 

I had it set in my head that the poison he was having infused every three weeks was turning my dad into a zombie. It was not until his last infusion, Friday night, that the doctors cancelled his infusion and wanted to do a scan instead. He was much too weak for the infusion. What they saw increasing sizes in his already there lesions and many new lesions; 4 of which are in his brain. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that a body that is be treated to kill cancer yet the cancer continued to accelerate  at lightning speed.
 

It was then that we were assured that all of his symptoms were from the melanoma not the medicine. My heart cracked right then in there.  Being able to blame my dads physical deterioration I was seeing, on cancer meds was my saving grace. Today, five days later I hear my dad receive a prognosis of 6 months to a year. This is so surreal, I can’t process it. My heart broke in two. I’m loosing my mind as well as my health, I can’t breathe without hyperventilating, I’m in constant tremble, I’m obsessed with my dad... and I don’t know how I can live without him. I can’t take seeing him die, my family mourn, I worry about my mother, I’m mourning the things my dad can no longer ever enjoy. A favorite ice cream cone, working with his beehives, going for walks and just living. I don’t know how I will ever survive this.... I’m in a nightmare I never predicted or thought would happened to us. And I see no end to my devastation, I would take it from him if I could. 

[Violet Coffee]

Hi SusieQusie, in 2011 my uncle was given the same diagnosis and was given at the most a year to live but 10 years later he survived and is now living with cancer and he currently has a wife and 2 sons, that I visit at least once a month so you should have some hope for your father.

[reader]

Dear Susie,

Sending all my thoughts and prayers. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.

[Luminescense]

I'm sorry to hear about your father's health.

It's hard to hear such a grave prognosis for a person that we love.

It's also okay that it all feels surreal, that's normal and the minds way of protecting itself during the grieving process. Taking things a day at a time, baby steps if you need helps. Do take extra time to give yourself some extra self-care. Perhaps it's a day off from work or perhaps it's buying yourself a new book to dive into. Maybe it's getting yourself a small treat when you go out or watching a favorite movie or even a bubble bath. Be sure to take extra care during this time, that can help greatly.

Some people find comfort in things like creating a legacy project for their loved one. It might be creating a power point full of fun and great memories with their loved one or a scrapbook. Others may find this more distressing.

Some people find comfort in spending time with their loved one. If your father is still able to get around, is there something fun you could enjoy together? Something that brings peace to the both of you?

What I can say is that grief has a process and it does get better over time. I don't believe the grief ever goes away 100%, but it does take time before you see yourself getting back into life again - perhaps seeing friends, going back to school, advancing in a career/hobby, etc. It's an ever adapting process.