Don’t know what to do right now

[Rashell]

My partner was murdered last week, I am still 100% in shock, he was my rock for all things. Tomorrow is also the anniversary of my fathers death. Right now, my cat (my dads cat, became mine when he passed, basically the last thing I have left of my dad) is very very sick. He has been sick for a while, but he wasn’t in pain so we’ve been waiting to make “the” decision until the time comes. Well, it seems like the time is here right now, he is showing signs that he is in pain. Im trying to decide if I should be there when we put him to sleep. I really don’t know if I can watch another living thing pass right now, but I might regret it if I don’t say goodbye. I don’t know what to do, my moms are waiting to hear back from the emergency vet, and I need to make the decision if I wanna be there or not in the next hour. I don’t have my partner here to help me through this like he was supposed to (my cat went downhill hours before my partner was killed). I don’t know what to do, any advice will help, I don’t want to put myself through more pain than I need to be but I think no matter my choice it will be painful, I just don’t know if I should be there or not. 

 

Sorry if maybe this isn’t the right place for this post, these are things I would normally ask my partner for advice on and don’t know who to turn to.

[rose15]

Hi I’m so sorry you are going through this. I lost my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. I know this isnt the same situation but I had a similar situation where I had the option go see my boyfriend in the hospital to say goodbye. He was in a coma so he couldn’t respond. But his parents called letting me know that I could go see him or not. They didn’t want me seeing him like that but they wanted to give me the option. I was going back and forth and realized that I would regret if I didn’t say goodbye. Even though it wasn’t how I wanted to remember him, I knew I would of rather been with him in his last moments. It will be painful. I’m sorry but it’s the honest truth. But I think the feeling of regret will be even harder. I’m praying for you and I know it’s hard to believe but you are so much stronger than you think. You can do this. 

[Diane R. E.]

Hi Rashell; by this time, you have probably said goodbye to your cat ((hugs)), so whatever choice you made, whether you were with him or not, was the right choice at that specific time. My heart goes out to you for having to go through these losses.

[foreverhis]

I just want to say I'm so sorry you had another devastating loss.  The death of a beloved pet, especially one that is a tangible connection to someone we have lost, is one that some people don't understand.  I do.

Whichever decision you made will have been the right one because you loved your cat and put his welfare above your own pain.  That is true love.

[jmmosley53]

Hi Rashell,

In my opinion be with your cat when they put it to sleep.  I say this for 2 reasons.  #1 it is a comfort you owe your pet. #2 if you don't you will regret it forever.

[KayC]

22 hours ago, Rashell said:

Im trying to decide if I should be there when we put him to sleep.

I've had 24 dogs/cats over the course of my lifetime, and have been present when they've been euthanized because I want to think of them first, not myself, but you know yours best, what do you thinks they'd prefer?  

You do have extenuating circumstances right now that make it not as simple as that...it could be you're just not able/up to it right now.  In that case, could your mom or someone else be there for him?

[Rashell]

Just wanted to give an update, and first I wanna let you all know that both my moms were going to be there with him, as they have been his primary owners since I moved out of their house 4 years ago (they got attached and wouldn’t let me take him, no matter how much I begged, and now I am glad they have him as he has made my mom very happy the last few years), and if the circumstance was that if I didn’t go with him he would’ve been alone, I would’ve sucked it up and went because that’s what you do. The reason I was having such a hard time with it is because going and being there through it would’ve really been for me, he would be comforted with my moms being there wether I was there or not, and since he is blind and because of covid has not seen me in person in almost a year- he doesn’t fully recognize me anymore, but part of me obviously did wanna see him one last time, even if it would be traumatic. Anyways, I had decided to stay home and my moms got ready to take him to the emergency vet. When they went into the bathroom to put him in his carrier, he seemed completely normal again. So, they decided to wait til the morning and have our vet come to the house so he could be in his own home when it happened. The night I made this post, he was peeing blood, howling, and just generally showing signs that it was time. By the morning, there was no more blood in his urine, he was eating, drinking, cleaning himself, purring. We had the vet come and check him out and the vet said it was not time, and we put him on hospice. He only has a couple weeks left, however I am so glad we we’re able to wait those extra few minutes because now he is not in pain and we will be able to do everything at home when the time comes. Thank you to everyone for the responses! 

 

Also, since he has terminal kidney disease, lung cancer, and bladder cancer, we have several treatments he has to do a week, one of them being getting his bladder expressed. The signs we thought were indicating it was time, turned out to just be a bad reaction from getting it expressed. Apparently this is common, however we were not aware and neither was the vet at the emergency vet. Luckily, our hospice vet is very familiar with this. Also, my moms allowed me to go to their house and spend some time with him the other day and I feel so much better now, and I am also so so relieved we were able to wait, otherwise we would have put him to sleep before his time, and while we would’ve never known, I am now very grateful that we get to spend a little more time with him while he isn’t in pain. Due to his kidney disease, we were not able to have him on pain medication before (we still had hope the treatments would work and he could go back to slightly normal) as it would make it worse, but since he is on hospice he is now heavily medicated and happy as can be! Now his last few days/weeks will be as pain free and happy as possible, and while it is still hard, it makes me much more at peace to know he is not and will not be suffering, and will be in his own home with everyone he loves when it is time!

[Diane R. E.]

So glad to hear this!

[KayC]

I pray every moment you and your moms have left with him is a precious gift.  I had my Arlie on hospice for two months ten days with his cancer, I prayed God would show me when it was time and He did, it was the perfect time, Arlie even got to say goodbye to his best friend, a lab down the street.  He walked down there and back with me, it was something he had to do and it was so hard for him but he did it and he laid on the couch the rest of the night, spent, but smiling.  You're in my prayers.