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My grandmother


unpretty

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Hello, my name is Amber and this is the first post that I've started. When my grandmother was 64 I was born. My mother left me when I was very young and my dad wasn't really responsible enough to be a parent so my grandma raised me, and she was really a mother to me. A few years back she started to get really weak and sore to the point she couldn't walk on her own at all. I took her to the dr and he said it's normal with age. I really wanted there to be something they could do for her because her legs hurt her so much, she was having bathroom troubles, obviously couldn't walk.. but they wouldn't do anything for us. My grandma was at home for another 2 years. I'd try to get her to go to the dr or anthing really but she wouldn't because she was scared to get out. "the hospital is where people go to die and I'm not ready" she'd say. I just wanted her pain to be gone. So I did all I could to help. At the age of 19 I took full time care of my grandma. Instead of going to college or moving out, I stayed with her. But I really wouldn't take it back for the world.

One day I was transitioning her from her bed because I had to switch the sheets and I accidently pulled some skin off of her arm. I WAS SO surprised and SAD I just cried and cried. She was bleeding all over and I felt it was all my fault. I called my aunt and told her to please coerce gma into going to the ER. And she did.. so my grandma went to the hospital and they said the tear was because my grandma lacked a certain fat that normally holds our skin on. They said they would keep her there and do some tests though, because they were concerned with her heart and lungs.

After the tests we found out my grandma had pnemonia and congenital heart failure. Specifically she had a heart aneurism of the aeorta. They gave her six months to live. This was on Jan 1.

I took care of my grandma now with the help of some hospice nurses. My grandma got on morphine and haldol which made her very tired. She'd also hallucinate a lot and get mad at me for no reason :( After 3 months we decided to take a small respite which I was told was quite common.. She was supposed to be back in a week... I cleaned her room and looked forward to having her back.

By the time the week was over I was wondering WHERE she was. I tried to call hospice but they could not return my call which I later found out was because she took me off of her list of people that they can contact :( Somewhere along the line, she was telling people I abused her BUT I DIDNT. I don't know WHY she said that I did.. but it hurt and still does hurt :(

She was staying at a nursing home and I would visit her every day. I'd help her eat her meals, I'd read to her, I'd brush her hair, and we'd just talk sometimes. but it was hard leaving her there and I cried everytime I had to leave.

The abuse claim made it that much harder to get her back home. I'd talk to my family because they could still talk to hospice but it got no where until the begining of May.

About may 5th we had a meeting, Hospice said grandma could come back home.. and to get ready for her. So I did! And I looked forward to it so much and she did too, though at this point she was very out of it seeming.

The next week was hard. My grandma's health declined. She wasn't eating.. then a couple days in we couldn't get her to really be responsive. They said to be prepared because she was going to die soon.

I went to see her everyday and would just hold her hand and cry. This woman that was so strong while I was growing up, who raised me, who loved me and gave me everything I had.. she was going to leave me. one day she DID wake up and I was so happy to see her eyes again. She looked up and faintly said "Amber, I don't want to leave you" and I cried and kissed her hand. Her eyes closed again and she never spoke after that. 3 days later she was gone. I was at home and woke up at about 7:10. I came downstairs and my dad said about 7:00am grandma died. I sortof felt it..that she was gone. I felt like I was alone in the world.

we went to the nursing home and said goodbye. My aunt was with us and no one seemed to care but me that gma was gone. they kept talking about her money and what theyd do with it.. and I'm sitting there just looking at her.. crying.. holding her cold hand, wondering where she was at now.

It's so hard dealing with this loss. I feel so alone because my family doesn't show that they miss her. They got their money. I got the farm that she loved and I'm happy with that.. My grandmas ashes are still at the funeral home, my family doesn't care =[ But I miss my grandma so much. She was my mentor, my best friend.. The world just seems so empty without her. Today marks month 3 without her.

I took care of her for about 3 years. Now that she's gone I feel as though I have no purpose in life :(

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Hello, my name is Amber and this is the first post that I've started. When my grandmother was 64 I was born. My mother left me when I was very young and my dad wasn't really responsible enough to be a parent so my grandma raised me, and she was really a mother to me. A few years back she started to get really weak and sore to the point she couldn't walk on her own at all. I took her to the dr and he said it's normal with age. I really wanted there to be something they could do for her because her legs hurt her so much, she was having bathroom troubles, obviously couldn't walk.. but they wouldn't do anything for us. My grandma was at home for another 2 years. I'd try to get her to go to the dr or anthing really but she wouldn't because she was scared to get out. "the hospital is where people go to die and I'm not ready" she'd say. I just wanted her pain to be gone. So I did all I could to help. At the age of 19 I took full time care of my grandma. Instead of going to college or moving out, I stayed with her. But I really wouldn't take it back for the world.

One day I was transitioning her from her bed because I had to switch the sheets and I accidently pulled some skin off of her arm. I WAS SO surprised and SAD I just cried and cried. She was bleeding all over and I felt it was all my fault. I called my aunt and told her to please coerce gma into going to the ER. And she did.. so my grandma went to the hospital and they said the tear was because my grandma lacked a certain fat that normally holds our skin on. They said they would keep her there and do some tests though, because they were concerned with her heart and lungs.

After the tests we found out my grandma had pnemonia and congenital heart failure. Specifically she had a heart aneurism of the aeorta. They gave her six months to live. This was on Jan 1.

I took care of my grandma now with the help of some hospice nurses. My grandma got on morphine and haldol which made her very tired. She'd also hallucinate a lot and get mad at me for no reason :( After 3 months we decided to take a small respite which I was told was quite common.. She was supposed to be back in a week... I cleaned her room and looked forward to having her back.

By the time the week was over I was wondering WHERE she was. I tried to call hospice but they could not return my call which I later found out was because she took me off of her list of people that they can contact :( Somewhere along the line, she was telling people I abused her BUT I DIDNT. I don't know WHY she said that I did.. but it hurt and still does hurt :(

She was staying at a nursing home and I would visit her every day. I'd help her eat her meals, I'd read to her, I'd brush her hair, and we'd just talk sometimes. but it was hard leaving her there and I cried everytime I had to leave.

The abuse claim made it that much harder to get her back home. I'd talk to my family because they could still talk to hospice but it got no where until the begining of May.

About may 5th we had a meeting, Hospice said grandma could come back home.. and to get ready for her. So I did! And I looked forward to it so much and she did too, though at this point she was very out of it seeming.

The next week was hard. My grandma's health declined. She wasn't eating.. then a couple days in we couldn't get her to really be responsive. They said to be prepared because she was going to die soon.

I went to see her everyday and would just hold her hand and cry. This woman that was so strong while I was growing up, who raised me, who loved me and gave me everything I had.. she was going to leave me. one day she DID wake up and I was so happy to see her eyes again. She looked up and faintly said "Amber, I don't want to leave you" and I cried and kissed her hand. Her eyes closed again and she never spoke after that. 3 days later she was gone. I was at home and woke up at about 7:10. I came downstairs and my dad said about 7:00am grandma died. I sortof felt it..that she was gone. I felt like I was alone in the world.

we went to the nursing home and said goodbye. My aunt was with us and no one seemed to care but me that gma was gone. they kept talking about her money and what theyd do with it.. and I'm sitting there just looking at her.. crying.. holding her cold hand, wondering where she was at now.

It's so hard dealing with this loss. I feel so alone because my family doesn't show that they miss her. They got their money. I got the farm that she loved and I'm happy with that.. My grandmas ashes are still at the funeral home, my family doesn't care =[ But I miss my grandma so much. She was my mentor, my best friend.. The world just seems so empty without her. Today marks month 3 without her.

I took care of her for about 3 years. Now that she's gone I feel as though I have no purpose in life :(

Amber,

I am so sorry about the loss of your grandma. Of course you miss her, you loved her dearly. That is simply awful that your family didn't appear to care about anything but the money, but my family did the exact same thing. It still makes me angry when I think of it, but I had to learn to let it go and move forward. I choose instead to remember my grandmother and all the happy memories I have of her.

It will take some time for you to move forward. Keeping a journal, creating a video or audio tribute and/or seeing a grief counselor or joing a self-help grief and loss group are ways for you to begin to move forward.

In the meantime, we will be here to support and encourage you.

ModKonnie

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it feels like you are very sweet and caring to your grandma.it's rare to find people who are very caring to their loved ones since there are lots of caregivers they can hire to do the job. next time an illness or frailty strikes in your family, make sure you have already prepared for long term care

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