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BBB

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Sorry that I ask so many questions here but I feel like the people here are the ONLY ones who can truly understand how I feel. Going through similar losses allows us all to "get it". No matter who it is, friend or family, as much as they care about us and love us, they can't really get it. 

Do you all ever feel like this is something that happens to someone else? It couldn't happen to me? I never ever ever thought this would happen to me. I still find myself in total disbelief  a 1/2 year later

 

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Yes. As I've said earlier, there is a part of me that will never accept this. It's too insane. Life is surreal to me now. Even last year with the riots, covid etc I more or less took in stride. I guess I feel like sure why not we're this far down the rabbit hole. If aliens landed in my back yard I think I'd go "oh that's nice, whatever."  

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Yes, I know what you mean. I fee like that too. In addition, I have so many times where I can't think of things, I can't remember things, I repeat myself as I've forgotten what I've said. My therapist tells me that my brain is feverishly trying to make sense of it and I'm on brain overload. Thus, I forget things, cant remember stuff, etc

 

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It's almost like there are two "me's"; the me before and the me-after. Trying to find a balance between them is so difficult.I don't know that there is a balance. My counselor has said it best "someone has amputated part of your arm without meds, they took part of it with them, but you still have the pain." Yes. That's exactly what it feels like...surreal...

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5 hours ago, widower2 said:

If aliens landed in my back yard I think I'd go "oh that's nice, whatever."

If aliens landed in the backyard it'd be easier to accept.

5 hours ago, frenchygirl said:

It's almost like there are two "me's"; the me before and the me-after.

Yep, because we ARE totally different "after" and so are our lives!

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The feeling is like you just got hit by a dump truck and your life got sucked out of you. I tell my sister in law that my wife has my heart because it feels like I have a huge hole in my chest.

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10 hours ago, BBB said:

Do you all ever feel like this is something that happens to someone else? It couldn't happen to me? I never ever ever thought this would happen to me. I still find myself in total disbelief  a 1/2 year later

 

Totally agree BBB. You hit the nail on the head.

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12 hours ago, BBB said:

 

Do you all ever feel like this is something that happens to someone else? It couldn't happen to me? I never ever ever thought this would happen to me.

I have that same feeling, over and over. It's like I'm having a nightmare and want to wake up and for everything to be alright. If my wife walked in the door right now, I would accept it as though as if nothing happened. It's so unreal, that's how I feel.

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We talked about it briefly but it was something abstract, we could not possibly know what it'd be like to lose the other...until I went through it.  :(

 

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I so relate to all of you. Losing someone suddenly  at a relatively young age of 50 left me with no one but you all that gets what I’m going through. I think grief and loss is unique  and different for everyone but if you haven’t suffered the loss of a partner there is absolutely no way to wrap your head around how life changing and debilitating it is. I am thankful to have this forum. Especially during this pandemic. 

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@Nmark I'm glad you're here, it was a place such as this that saved me when I went through it 15+ years ago!  None of my family could relate until one of my siblings lost her husband.

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