Life is hopeless

[LMR]

I have been crying for the last three days. My life is hopeless. There is nothing I want to do. I don't want to go out, I don't want to talk to anyone. I sit here all day staring out of the window or at the tv with the sound off. I live on sandwiches or cereal. I can't get motivated to cook.

For 48 years all I wanted was to be close to him. Now I dont want to exist anymore.

[Maria_PI]

LMR, I am so sorry you feel this way! I can relate. I only spent 14 years with my soulmate and we weren’t physically together all the time as he worked on cruise ships for months at a time. But I miss him so much because we were so close and completing each other. Everything we did was for each other. Now that he is gone I can’t find a meaning in my existence.

It is especially lonely for us during the holidays and I find it even more depressing because it’s cold and dark most of the time outside. I wish I could offer some advice on dealing with this, but we have to find a way. Maybe doing something he would have liked or you liked doing together. Yesterday I drove to places we liked going together and just walking around reliving the memories of the good times we shared here or there. Things like that. I hope you find something to feel better about yourself these days. I think he would have liked you to take care of yourself now. (((hugs)))


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[steveb]

I feel the same way at times. The emptiness can be overwhelming. My main goal right now is helping my daughter with grad school and whatever else she needs. It gives me focus.  Plus, it’s what my loving wife would have wanted me to do. I hope with time that you will feel better soon. God bless ... Steve 

[SDC]

I'm so sorry that you're suffering. I feel your pain. I'm 8 months into my loss and this week has undone me---his birthday and first Christmas without him in the same week. I thought I was prepared, but I wasn't. I barely willed myself to take a walk today. Yesterday I couldn't get myself out for a walk.  It's impossible to see beyond despair when grief is heavy and overwhelming. The only advice I have is what I tell myself--nothing is static, not even how awful I feel today. I take life hour by hour. Try to do the same. 

[Sparky1]

I had a good breakdown today. It's been building up for a week since my daughter came to stay with me for Christmas. I had small bouts but tried to keep them quiet. Today I drove her back to her place and when I got home, it was just like in the beginning after I lost my wife, the grief came out like a flood. I feel so alone, uncertain, like I have nothing left to look forward to. The house is empty, quiet, so cold. I miss my wife and can't imagine how I will get by without her. It's been a tough holiday so far.....

[JohnS]

Sparky1, I am becoming more aware every day about the "waves" of grief. For a few hours I almost think I've turned the corner (how naive), and then, WHAM, I'm right back in full grief mode. It's exhausting and feels like it will never end, or at least will never let up a little. My girlfriend and I always had our separate residences, but now my house feels lonely, empty and cold. Because I know she's gone. So even though we didn't share my house, I'm feeling quite alone here. And, yes, this was a tough holiday for me as well.

We all have our specific grief but our sadness and emptiness are something we all share. So we can keep coming here to support each other. Lord knows I need the support.

 

[Sparky1]

Coming here and finding out that everyone has the same grief emotions that I do makes it a little easier. I thought I was abnormal for having these feelings.  I could not understand how anyone can endure this sorrow and heartache, and I find out that it is common with everyone here. My mind is still working overtime trying to process these emotions and to tell you the truth it is physically and emotionally draining.

[steveb]

I felt pretty good earlier in the day but then in the late afternoon I got slammed by a wave of grief. It was both physically and emotionally exhausting. I just accepted it, laid down on the couch, and rested.  I’ve finally realized that if I let my mind race, it just makes the grief worse. 

[LoveNeverDies]

 

• 16 hours ago, LMR said:

   

  I have been crying for the last three days. My life is hopeless. There is nothing I want to do. I don't want to go out, I don't want to talk to anyone. I sit here all day staring out of the window or at the tv with the sound off. I live on sandwiches or cereal. I can't get motivated to cook.

  For 48 years all I wanted was to be close to him. Now I dont want to exist anymore.

   

  LMR , I know you don’t want to , but talking about the pain you’re going through can help. Do you have family nearby? Children? Grandchildren? . Even if you come on here and write to us , please know you’re not alone .. 

• Huge Hugs 

[JohnS]

LMR, this really sucks. Just know that you do have fellow grief travelers here.

I personally am planning to find a grief counselor that can help me hash this stuff out. It's only been a month since my girlfriend died, but I sort of have the feeling that most others in my family and friends circle may not be able or willing to tune in to what this is like and really listen. Most don't get it, since they haven't been through it. I suspect some just don't want to think about the fact that it could happen to them. That's why I want to get some professional assistance. After all, they are paid to listen to people in our situation. I know it won't make the pain go away, but if I could save up the conversation for a weekly talk with a professional, maybe it will help me avoid disappointment when friends and family can't really help.

Unload your feelings here. It's been helping me to do that and to read what others are going through. Hang in there.

[KayC]

I am so sorry, I know the pain you are all in.  One of the reasons I'm here all these years later is to let you know that although this is the hardest journey I've ever been on )and I truly DO remember all of the emotions and despair I felt those early years!) even the unthinkable can be gotten through.  It truly does help to express yourself here with people who "get it" and understand...and we do.  I send you a virtual hug and prayers for each of you, I know it's not much, I wish I could wave a magic wand, that's what we all need.

[LMR]

Thank you all for listening. I don't know what t would do without the support I find here. My family is 5000 miles away. I know my sister would be here if she could but this wretched virus makes it difficult. We have tentative plans but they keep getting put back.

I hoped today would be better but so far it is just more crying. 

[JohnS]

LMR, we're all mostly in the same place, fighting our grief day to day. And COVID makes our grief so much worse, if that's possible, since we can't even be with friends and family. I can't even jump on a plane and get away for a while. We're all here helping each other.

[Maria_PI]

23 hours ago, JohnS said:

LMR, this really sucks. Just know that you do have fellow grief travelers here.

I personally am planning to find a grief counselor that can help me hash this stuff out. It's only been a month since my girlfriend died, but I sort of have the feeling that most others in my family and friends circle may not be able or willing to tune in to what this is like and really listen. Most don't get it, since they haven't been through it. I suspect some just don't want to think about the fact that it could happen to them. That's why I want to get some professional assistance. After all, they are paid to listen to people in our situation. I know it won't make the pain go away, but if I could save up the conversation for a weekly talk with a professional, maybe it will help me avoid disappointment when friends and family can't really help.

Unload your feelings here. It's been helping me to do that and to read what others are going through. Hang in there.

Yes, this! All of it. I just recently realized why people avoid us after such a loss and you nailed it - they just don't want to think about the fact that it could happen to them. I hope you can find good professional assistance and it helps you. I wish someone would have told me about this site earlier on, while I was in so much pain I was rolling on the floor howling in the empty house. Since I started coming here and reading it has put things in a perspective and helped me share some of the load, or just understanding the grief process has helped me a lot. Thank you All!

[Meloncholy]

I had a good breakdown today. It's been building up for a week since my daughter came to stay with me for Christmas. I had small bouts but tried to keep them quiet. Today I drove her back to her place and when I got home, it was just like in the beginning after I lost my wife, the grief came out like a flood. I feel so alone, uncertain, like I have nothing left to look forward to. The house is empty, quiet, so cold. I miss my wife and can't imagine how I will get by without her. It's been a tough holiday so far.....

It has been a tough first Christmas and now my youngest will leave for college Monday—-it just seems so hopeless right now—-nothing to look forward to except being alone 24:7


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[steveb]

Please talk and reach out to family and friends to attempt to fill the loneliness gap.  My daughter goes back to grad school this Saturday. I love having her around, but I know she must live her life, and pursue her goals.  Since my wife passed, I’ve been going through some serious self reflection, what does it all mean stuff, etc.  Like many of us, I’ve tried to distill my life into things that are truly important and attempt not to sweat the trivial.  Take care of your health, your youngest college child needs you:)

[Sparky1]

3 hours ago, Meloncholy said:

It has been a tough first Christmas and now my youngest will leave for college Monday—-it just seems so hopeless right now—-nothing to look forward to except being alone 24:7

My youngest came home for last week and it did help with the loneliness. I had to bring her back to her place this past Sunday and the loneliness came back with a vengeance. She lives 4 hours away and finished university about a year ago. I've tried convincing her to move back with me, she says she'll consider it but I know she won't come back. She lives with a female roommate that is still going to school and she has a boyfriend over there. Because of the covid, she is only working a few hours a week , so I don't know how long she will last over there. The last couple of days have been excruciating for me emotionally, every little thing I  think about my wife just breaks me down very hard.

[Meloncholy]

My youngest came home for last week and it did help with the loneliness. I had to bring her back to her place this past Sunday and the loneliness came back with a vengeance. She lives 4 hours away and finished university about a year ago. I've tried convincing her to move back with me, she says she'll consider it but I know she won't come back. She lives with a female roommate that is still going to school and she has a boyfriend over there. Because of the covid, she is only working a few hours a week , so I don't know how long she will last over there. The last couple of days have been excruciating for me emotionally, every little thing I  think about my wife just breaks me down very hard.

I have felt the same over the past few days—-waves of emotions wash over me!


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[KayC]

We want our kids with us forever but know it's not what we raised them for.  It's hard being alone and on our own all the time.  I hope they stay in touch by phone, I rarely hear from mine, the older they are the busier they've gotten. 

 

[Coops29]

I think Covid has made everything worse for everybody so please do not feel that you are under pressure to cope as these are not normal coping times. I'm 8 months on from losing my beloved partner of 30 years and like you I have the most awful times when I cannot control my weeping. What I have done though is used whatsapp to facetime 2 or 3 friends at a time and we can see each other and chat even though they live many miles away. This gives me the motivation to socialise and I feel better after having them make me chuckle and letting me vent my emotions. 

I still cannot look at his clothes which still hang in the wardrobe and are in his drawers. I light a candle by his picture every night and make sure I say good morning and good night to him and I talk to him all the time. 

I struggle to accept he is not here and that he will never walk in the front door again although I look for him to do that everyday.  We just have to take our grief at a pace that is right for us as no 2 people will feel the same. 

I hope you can start to look forwards as hard as that is and that you visit this forum regularly as it provides so much support to us all even if you just want to vent. 

Take Care and sending big big hugs to you