difficult times not expected Holidays and Anniversaries

[KjunMan]

My wife passed away New Years Eve last year after a lengthy illness. We celebrated 42 years of a great marriage on December 24,2019. She suffered a stroke 3 days later and was gone on New Years Eve. I started 2020 thinking I could handle this on my own. I was doing fairly well with help of family and friends. Then came Covid-19 which put me in my home alone for quite some time. My daughter was getting my prescriptions and food for me so I would not go out in public to possibly be exposed. Then when things seemed to be getting better I injured my back in July and was not able to see a physician to alleviate that pain until October. That period of time stopped me from doing the exercise I so wanted to do so I had lots of time on my hand.

I do go out with my family but always return to an empty home. First was the loss of my support cat, Domino, who died of cancer two days before my wife's birthday. That is when my problems began to really appear. Then came along our Anniversary which was never celebrated as before. We all celebrated Christmas exchanging of gifts on December 20 so some could be out of town for the Holidays. I went visit my youngest son on Christmas Day. While I enjoyed the day I was not the same when I returned to an empty home again. Now I have to face New Years Eve which will be the first anniversary of her passing.

To compound my problem I met a younger woman online and we chatted for quite some time. After some time we discussed love but I now know that it is not for real. So now I also deal with the loss of my loved one and loss of someone I believed loved me. Guess I got what I deserved.

Now I need assistance in coping with my losses. I remain depressed and upset for far too long. I am hoping this forum will assist me in at least lessening the pain.

[BEQUET93]

The loss of a spouse of 42 years will take some time to process. You might want to consider therapy. Because of COVD-19, many therapists are now offering services via telehealth, so you wouldn't have to leave your home. 

I wouldn't say you got what you deserved, as far as the end of your online relationship. The passing of your wife has left you lonely and you were looking for companionship. There was nothing wrong in that. New Year's Eve will be difficult, but try to plan ahead for how you will respond to the painful thoughts, memories, and emotions. Maybe let your family know you might need to call them or see if they can stop by for a visit or if you can visit them. You can come to this forum and share your feelings or write them in a journal. I know you no longer want to feel depressed and upset, but you have experienced many losses in the last year and being without your wife is a huge change. Be patient with yourself. Best wishes.

[reader]

Dear Kjunman,

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. It's been a very tough year. 

I wanted to say be careful about meeting online as there seems to be a lot of romance scams. If anyone starts asking for money it would be best to block them.

There are many online support groups and I would suggest Grief in Common. The owner of the site offers one on one grief coaching and Zoom support meetings. It's worth taking a look. I would also suggest talking to your family doctor about your feelings. 

Please know we are with you. Thinking of you.