Feeling hopeless

[Sebastian'smommy1]

Losing our son in September 2013 I thought was the hardest days of my life but I have since felt hurt and feels like loss from the living . My husband has forgotten about me , we have seem to go into separate rooms and barely speak to one another unless it’s to deal with our special needs daughter that we have adopted few years ago and seems to be a big wedge in the mix . 16 years together, I don’t feel the same anymore is this common feels as though he let him self go . Many times I have connected with him to let him know how I feel and what we could do to fix things or make things work but I’m at a loss as what to do . I’m lonely with the holidays and been thinking of my son and happiness out of the sorrow . What to do any advice . 

[BEQUET93]

I have never been in your situation, but I have a background in mental health and will say that the loss of a child can put strain on a relationship. Having a child with special needs can also be a strain. Couples therapy might be a help. If he does not want to go, consider counseling for yourself. They won't be able to make any decisions for you, as far as what to do, but they can help you come to a decision that is entirely your own and that will be what is hopefully best for you, your husband, and daughter. Best wishes in this difficult time to all of you.

[Sebastian'smommy1]

Yes I am doing therapy for myself so I can be free and clear in my mind . It just hurts soo bad 

[reader]

Dear Sebastian's mommy,

It's really hard over the holiday and there are so many triggers. Is there a trusted friend or family member that could stay with you? Or a support group in your area that would help. 

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. You've been through so much and now more than ever it is important to ensure we all have the right supports.

Thinking of you. Hang in there, my friend. Please know we are with you. (((hugs)))

[Heartlight]

Dear Sebastian's mommy,

Some of the only times that I have felt lonely was while I was in a relationship.  I have not gone through the heartbreak and stress that you and your husband have gone through but I can, at least, give you what I know.

The other time that I felt lonely was when my sister died.  But the difference is that, while painful, that loss has a process of grieving and readjusting.  Of course, the pain doesn't ever go away completely, but there is a readjustment to life, however painful or long it takes.

When you're in a relationship and you're feeling that loss, I have come to understand, there is no room to be able to grieve and to adjust.  There is only the mixed up competing feelings of loss/hope, loss/hope.  This image of what it was or what it should be is at war with what it is, leaving a person with anger, desperation, and a myriad of helpless emotions.

You say you have connected to tell him how you feel.  How does he feel?  If he's not even communicating that, maybe he's in such a bad place, himself, that it would be best to just tell him you are here for him when he's ready?  Then work on yourself.

Because that, ultimately, is truly the only thing that you have control over.

I am very sorry for your loss

<3

 

[AnthonyMonge]

For me, I tend to "ride it out" until something else comes up that distracts me.

[reader]

I hope this list helps:

https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-tips-grief-at-the-holidays/