Lost my Dad a week ago

[Lainy2]

I lost my Dad a week ago . I’m finding the grief unbearable . Can anyone help me with advice . Thanks 

[Shannon Green]

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my dad six months ago today. The best thing that has helped me is joining this site not always posting but just getting on here and reading and knowing that there are people that do understand the grief and pain of losing a parent no matter our age. I also find that the more I talk about him the less it seems impossible that he is gone some say this is denial or not accepting his death however, I do accept that he is gone I just haven't and won't ever forget the little things in life that he taught me. I wish there was more I could say to you other than I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and please keep coming back on here even if it's just to read and understand that everyone on this site knows the feeling and pain and also understand that everyone grieves differently (that has been something i have struggled with). Feel free to talk to me anytime! 

[BEQUET93]

The first weeks are always hard. I think back to that first week that followed my mother's death and am surprised I survived. Just the fragment of a memory would reduce me to tears, I couldn't eat, and sleep was nearly impossible. I didn't even want the hospital bed to be taken from the living room and I continued to stay in there, just as in her final weeks. I'm not going to lie-it is still very hard-but it isn't as hard as it was in early November. The loss of a beloved parent is the kind of life event that it will take time to process. It will take time to get used to the absence of someone who was there for you since the beginning of your life. Be patient with yourself. Cry, when you need to cry. Vent your thoughts and feelings.

[Processingstuff]

I’m so sorry to hear about the recent loss of your dad.  I lost my dad nearly 4 weeks ago and sometimes struggle to believe he’s not here anymore.  I feel very alone but trying to be strong for my mum who’s really devastated.  Sending love - it’s such a difficult time of year and with covid, it feels extra lonely.

[Jim B]

Lost my dad 2 weeks ago to dementia. I was his full time caregiver for a quite awhile and saw it coming but does not make it any easier. Talking to friends, getting out [even if just food shopping], online groups and mindless video games all help a little. It adds up and I get through another day.

[nuvar]

6 hours ago, Jim B said:

Lost my dad 2 weeks ago to dementia. I was his full time caregiver for a quite awhile and saw it coming but does not make it any easier. Talking to friends, getting out [even if just food shopping], online groups and mindless video games all help a little. It adds up and I get through another day.

how long were you his caregiver? im also caregiver to my dad with dementia for now, but im applying for nursing home

my mum was gone about 2+ yrs ago and so far im so wrecked. i feel terrible about applying for the nursing home yet my financials are in deep shat as my boss owes me 4 mths pay atm

[Jim B]

6 hours ago, nuvar said:

how long were you his caregiver? im also caregiver to my dad with dementia for now, but im applying for nursing home

my mum was gone about 2+ yrs ago and so far im so wrecked. i feel terrible about applying for the nursing home yet my financials are in deep shat as my boss owes me 4 mths pay atm

nuvar, since i live with him its been several years of progressively more effort as his dementia progressed. Mom died in 2017 & i am an only child so care fell to me. Got laid off from work back in May 2019 so I 'early retired' to take care of him full time. I was considering nursing homes back in Feb 2020. I knew he would not react well to being in a home but was thinking it might be the best. Then covid came and nursing homes were not the place to be. Struggled on my own to June when he went to hospital which was rough since I couldn't visit.  He did not do well in the hospital this time so brought him home on hospice. Between the hospice help and some home care folks we did ok. He struggled more the last month so his death was not unexpected but came more suddenly then i was thinking. Besides the loss i struggle with feelings of guilt-could have done things differently, better, more and the results would have been different. I was fortunate to be in a position to be able to take care of him. There are no easy solutions but one has to take care of ones self first. Is hospice or some home care  help an option? I also found some facebook dementia/altimeters groups helpful as may of those folks were struggling with the same things i was. 

[Monty]

Lainy,

I am so sorry you are going through this. My advice would be to be kind to yourself. Do whatever works for you. It could be talking to a trusted friend or counsellor, going for a walk, listening to podcasts, watching reruns of a tv show, sleeping more, eating well or not, writing in a journal or writing letters to your Dad. These are just a few things that have helped me put one foot in front of the other and breath in and out. Some days are ok and some are horrific. 
Be kind to you. We are here on this forum should you need us.