Days like today....

[frenchygirl]

Some days I seem to be getting along fine. I can smile, even get a glimpse of my old self. And then days like today hit....the overwhelming grief. The actual hurting of my heart. The tears flow down my cheeks without my even realizing it. These are the tough days. These are the days the earth could swallow me up and it would be ok. These days seem to come out of nowhere. Nothing triggers them, nothing announces they are here...the heart is just heavy and the mind remembers and the tears come. I hate days like today. Nothing seems to bring refreshment to my soul. I want a cool breeze to blow through my heart, but all I feel is the heat of the grief....

[Yoli]

So well put frenchygirl.

[Sparky1]

I get the up and down days too. Every day has me breaking down, but there are some days where it seems unbearable. Thoughts of things we used to do, and will never do again. Just knowing that she's not here hurts the most. It still feels unreal.

[jmmosley53]

frenchygirl,

I have days like the one you describe.  Out of nowhere everything I see hold some sad memory.  For no reason I feel the crush of my loneliness.  The really bad days are coming fewer and farther between.  Sometimes I go for a few days with no melt downs at all. 

I have made it through almost 9 months without my beloved.  These holidays make it all the harder.  I hope that you find at least a little while of cool breezy in your heart this week.

[LoveNeverDies]

I have those days too, some days I feel somewhat “normal” and other days I just feel like the pain is much more than I can handle . It’s okay to fall apart, cry, and scream . And please come back here and write . We’re all in this boat together .Hugs

[Dawn Wms]

There are no good days for me.  It is either bad or worse.  And this is a horrible time with COVID, cold weather and darkness.  I am lonely but not able to accept invitations even from family or friends who are as close as family.  I can't socialize.  I am an independent person but I am lost without my love.  He was simply my person, my rock, even if he might have said it was the other way around.  That's just it.  We were each other's solidity.  If I get through it, I am unable at this point to see how.  I want the strength and the wisdom but it just isn't there for me yet.

[LMR]

Or weeks! I have had three weeks of almost constant crying. Suddenly two days of relative calm, but here I am at 2.30 in the morning still unable to get to sleep!

[frenchygirl]

@Dawn Wms Strength is elusive to me at this point. I told my counselor Monday that people describe me as "strong". I asked him what that meant. Because I don't feel strong...inside my own skin I feel weak and broken. Wisdom. I wish I could give it to you. I'm not sure what wisdom looks like either...other than life with experience. I told someone the other day that I am walking through this valley...she's going through a hard time too...she said "I don't want to be in this valley anymore". Man, do I get it. But you can't just poof yourself out...I think the only way is through it. As painful and lonely as it is, one step at a time. But you are not alone here...

@LMR I understand the sleep thing. It's like I sleep every other night...

[Gail 8588]

I have posted several times that coming up on 4 years, I am feeling  so much better, and I am. But that doesn't mean I still don't have some bad days, hours or moments.  Some days someone will say some innocent remark and tears will flood my eyes. It was a phrase John often said. My tears are an involuntary reaction. 

Last week I fell off the ladder to the attic getting Christmas boxes down.  Not injured badly, but laying in a heap with broken ornaments I sobbed because everything is so much harder without him.  No one here to help pick me up and dust me off. 

But I got up. Only 3 broken ornaments. No real damage to me. After I finished decorating, I felt genuinely happy - with advil and an ice pack.. 

I do miss him everyday, but it no longer seems impossible to live without him. 

Give it time, grief does become more bearable.

Peace

Gail

 

. 

[KayC]

3 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I have posted several times that coming up on 4 years, I am feeling  so much better, and I am. But that doesn't mean I still don't have some bad days, hours or moments.

For sure, same with me, Gail, same with me.