At the end of the day

[BBB]

I am in therapy, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I am on meds. I have been taking some time to divert and distract. I go out and do fun things but here's the rub (for me anyhow) -

No matter how many things I do or places I go, it always comes back to the same thing - at the end of the day my wife is gone and won't ever be back. It's sort of a hopeless situation where the loneliness, the feeling lost always seems to bounce right back. No matter how much fun stuff I do or traveling I do, I enjoy it, I have fun but nothing changes the fact that when it's all said and done, she's not here. This is very difficult. To state that this is the most difficult thing I've ever gone through, honestly does not even do it justice. This is the most difficult thing I've ever been through and it's not even close.

 

[LoveNeverDies]

I understand the pain, the loneliness, the lost feeling without them here.Losing someone that we loved so much has to be the most painful thing we have to go through.  Is therapy helping at all? I was thinking of going to see one, but I’m not sure if it will help me at all. Hugs to you

[KayC]

We do understand, it's how we've all been feeling since losing our soul mate and best friend, the love of our lives.  So hard to go from having our companion...to being utterly alone.  The pain intensity lessens with time as we begin to adjust to the changes it means for our lives, but always, we love and miss them.  How could we not!

IMO, emotional pain is the hardest pain in the world.

[BBB]

@LoveNeverDies For me therapy helps temporarily. It helps to get everything out. But again, does it really help, again at the end of the day she's still not here, not going to be so we all wind up back at square one. I do it (therapy) for temp relief. Makes me feel a little better to air out my feelings, emotions, frustrations, anger, etc. As Megan Devine says in her book, 'this really sucks as much as you think it does'.

 

 

[SharedLife]

1 hour ago, BBB said:

at the end of the day my wife is gone and won't ever be back. It's sort of a hopeless situation where the loneliness, the feeling lost always seems to bounce right back.

It's the same for me.  I'm often unable to fall asleep at night, with thoughts of what once was flooding my mind. I sometimes get up and stay up until I feel a sense of physical exhaustion.

[Sparky1]

I've also wondered about getting some grief counseling to try to make sense of my life. But like everyone says and I also feel the same way, I don't think it would help much. My wife is not here and is not coming back. I signed up for daily emails from an automated therapist but it's all generic stuff to cheer you up. The heart can't be tricked into being cheered up. It's still lonely, empty and longing. These feelings might subside over time but they're always going to be there.

[BBB]

Like I said, for me, therapy and talking about it helps a little temporarily. There is no solution and no answers to losing one's spouse. Therapy does nothing to change that loss.

 

[Lars M]

I so relate to this if I start to feel normal for a little bit of dare I say happy it pops right back in my mind your soul mates gone and you only get one. I hope I am wrong I did talk to someone that lost his wife and grieved for her so bad and one day he meet a woman who lost her husband and now they are a very happy couple. He told me for the first 5 years if you would have said you will meet a woman and fall in love he would have told you your crazy. 

[Dawn Wms]

Yea, I was in an online support group.  It was a good experience and I felt comforted.  But I am still here with my pain.  I had one on one counseling with a therapist too, but stopped because I realized I wasn't ready to heal.  I am still in the "embracing the pain" stage.  I really can't move forward yet.  I am so angry because my husband's death was avoidable if the so-called health care givers had chosen to be safe rather than sorry.  I really feel he was a once in a lifetime love.  I don't want anyone else.  I only want him.  It is an impossible situation.

[KayC]

22 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

I don't think it would help much. My wife is not here and is not coming back.

Don't sell it short, daily inspirational thoughts are NOT the same as a qualified grief specialist who can guide you and provide you with tools.  That is why they have specialists in that field.  I had the same thoughts when my doctor offered me sleep aid, I thought that was a temporary bandaid to a permanent problem.  I was wrong.  Years later I did gratefully accept that help and am thankful for finally getting some sleep, however it comes!  We need sleep to function.  II made it harder on myself by not taking it the first time it was offered.

12 hours ago, Dawn Wms said:

It was a good experience and I felt comforted.  But I am still here with my pain.

There are some things that take much time to go through, processing our grief and learning how to deal with it and adjust to the changes it means for our lives is not quick easy fix, that is for sure!  But that doesn't mean we can just stop working on it just because we don't see instant results.  

[KayC]

21 hours ago, BBB said:

Therapy does nothing to change that loss.

You are right, it doesn't change our loss or circumstances.  But it can provide much needed tools and insight!

[Darlene13]

I feel the same way.  I go out to dinner with a friend, try to do things I always enjoyed, but they are only temporary diversions. This quiet lonely house is always waiting for me when I return from wherever I've been.  I miss my husband with every fiber of my being...I don't really know how to help myself or anyone else in this situation except to say it helps to know I'm not alone in how I feel.  I'm really thankful for having this group to come to when I think I can't go on..I pray every night that we all can find comfort and peace of mind with time.  

[Sparky1]

I know what you mean. Every time I go out of the house and come back, I break down because it's too quiet and empty. I also break down on the way home in the car because I know my wife won't be there when I get back. I can also say that this forum does help a bit knowing that we all share the same emotions and we're trying to make sense of them. I sympathize with everyone going through this difficult grieving process, whether male or female, we all share the exact same emotions. 

[steveb]

My wife was instrumental in helping me through leukemia and chemo in 2017. When she passed this past July, the pain was almost unbearable.  But, I know she wouldn’t want me to get sick again from the grief. My kids and parents  give me focus and a reason to be so to speak. Thank God I have them in my life. My brothers have been fantastic too. This site is a blessing also. It reminds me that I am not alone in my grief.