Are you sending out holiday cards?

[Diane R. E.]

My husband passed away a little over 2 months ago and I'm trying to decide whether to send out Christmas cards. I made out a few yesterday, but it broke my heart to sign only my name instead of "Diane & Doug". I could hardy see what I was doing because of the tears. Yet I've been sending cards all of my adult life. What are others planning to do and how do you get through it?

[LMR]

I lost my husband four months ago. I am in so much pain I'm at a loss where to go from here but I did send out Christmas cards. Maybe not as many as usual. Partly I want to remind people that I am still here and I need them not to forget about me.

[Gail 8588]

I have not sent holiday cards since my husband died in March 2017. 

I think next year I will try to do it. 

[Coops29]

I lost my beloved partner of 30 years only 7 months ago. I am not putting a tree or decorations up this year as I really don't feel very festive. I have however sent cards to immediate family only ie sisters and I found it terribly distressing to sign only my name but I took a deep breadth and managed to write them. Please only do what your heart is telling you to do as only you know. I wish you luck in your decision and sending you a hug. 

[KayC]

The Christmas after George died I probably wouldn't have except he and I had designed a card together, it was with a fish going for a bauble, so I made it.  I signed both our names to it.  It was hard..

This year I can't make/send my famous cards, my hands hurt too much.  It'll be my first year not to, I've been making cards for 35 years.

 

[SharedLife]

No Xmas decorations and cards are going only to children and grandchildren, and the only reason for those is to have a place to put a check. It was also painful for me to sign only my name. I was going to add hers, but I know they're all in nearly as much pain as me and didn't want to add to it.

[jmmosley53]

I am not sending out cards this year. I only sent out cards sporadically in the past so not sending out cards is not unusual for me.

The few I have received that only have my name on the envelope break my heart all over again.

[KayC]

19 hours ago, LMR said:

Partly I want to remind people that I am still here and I need them not to forget about me.

That's kind of what I worry about with not sending them this year, first that people will think I dropped them from my list (I haven't), and second, most do not realize what I'm going through with my hands this year.  It's hard enough to type but I can't write that wordy & explain to everyone, every little thing hurts, and I'd rather push my pain through for here than for Christmas cards.

[Diane R. E.]

Kay; I'm so sorry about your hand. I wish I could come there and make out your cards for you! I did end up making out cards for most of my family. The only family my husband has left is 2 sisters, so I sent them cards as well. I hand wrote my return address, even though I have return address labels in just my name. The labels came unbidden from organizations that then request a donation. It was too painful to use those on the cards.

[DMB]

Not sending cards.  It is still too hard to not sign his name.

I received one from my cousin the other day and took notice that is was addressed to Mr & Mrs, and the inside message read hope all is well.  I had to call her and let her know about hubs passing.  With no funerals with covid, guess the word never got to that family.

 

[KayC]

That is so hard!  I went through that my first Christmas without him as well...Christmas cards addressed to both of us. 

Diane, thank you.  

[Maria_PI]

18 hours ago, DMB said:

Not sending cards.  It is still too hard to not sign his name.

I received one from my cousin the other day and took notice that is was addressed to Mr & Mrs, and the inside message read hope all is well.  I had to call her and let her know about hubs passing.  With no funerals with covid, guess the word never got to that family.

 

Same here. I would be offended if I received a card from someone who didn't know that my husband passed. This shows how much they really care. Because of the pandemic, I didn't have a funeral for my husband, only an informal viewing before the cremation with my sister present and his daughter in South Africa on Skype. But nowadays there are so many ways to learn status of someone you care about, and so many months later I think it's unforgivable to not know at this point and send a Christmas card wishing him well and a long life...

God, I even got angry at first when I kept receiving junk mail to his name, but that is a whole different story, there is nothing I can do about it so I just got used to it and release my anger by tearing those up in pieces and throwing them in the trash without even opening.

[KayC]

I didn't feel angry towards those who didn't know, there are those friends from the past that live across the country and we drop remembrances to each other at Christmas, we do not know what's going on in each other's lives other than that one time of year.  No more their fault than mine, just how it is when those close to you move away so far and we no longer interact.  I can't expect them to know what they don't know.  But it did pang me at the time.  
But then, everything did!

It also bothered me when I no longer GOT the phone calls or junk mail for George!  I guess it's all the reminders, all the changes...it's all so hard to assimilate.