I don’t want Christmas this year

[Monty]

Am I the only one who wants to pretend that the festive season is not happening this year? This will be my first Christmas without either of my parents. It just feels like an empty hole there.

I have to do Christmas as I have two young children who are very much looking forward to it. We’ve decorated the Christmas tree, been to look at Christmas lights, watched Christmas movies and lots of other things. My heart is not in it (although I pretend it is for the children. I hope they cannot see through it.) 

The thought of sitting down for a traditional Christmas lunch makes me feel ill. There are too many empty seats now. I think my siblings and our families will just get together in the afternoon for sweets and not sit at the table this year. 

How are you all feeling about Christmas? How are you going to honour and remember your parent/parents on this day? Would love to hear your thoughts and ideas. 
I buy a Christmas decoration for my tree specifically relating to my loved one I have lost. I have an angel for my Mum & a love heart for my Dad and they hanging together on the tree. 
This time of year is so hard. 

Thinking of you all during the lead up to this difficult day. Be kind to yourselves. 

[awiles16]

i agree. i don’t want it either. I lost my dad suddenly on November 17th and Thanksgiving was terrible. im considering picking up shifts at work so that i am pre occupied. i am not an early christmas decorator but we had just bought a house so we did it early this year. my dad got to see the lights outside and my mom showed him a picture of our christmas tree the night before he passed, when he was going to bed. it was the last thing she showed him and he passed in his sleep. i so desperately wish he would’ve seen it in person. if we wouldn’t have put everything up early then i wouldn’t have even bothered. next is christmas cards but i don’t even know if it’s worth it. i honestly don’t know how christmas will play out and it’s giving me a lot of anxiety.

[reader]

 The holidays are extremely hard without our beloved parents. I think we all do the best we can and try to get through each day. For myself, I will take two Christmas wreaths to my father‘s gravesite. I wish so much he was still here to see grandchildren. 

Thinking of you both

[AlisonC]

I can’t even think about Christmas, which is so difficult when there’s constant reminders everywhere. Lights, decorations, tv adverts, parties and the dreaded music playing everywhere. The Christmas music is the hardest. Music has this unique ability to take you right back to places, scenarios, events etc. 
Truth is.... I am struggling with accepting what’s happened and for me, it’s happened at the worst time of year. 
My heart is broken. 

[Monty]

It is such a difficult time of year. I know after my Mum passed the lead up to these memorable days is heartbreaking and so hard. So hard to be joyous when inside your heart is in pieces. It has only been 6 weeks since my Dad passed. I miss him so much. Christmas without either of my parents. I’m shattered and broken. 

[AlisonC]

2 hours ago, Monty said:

It is such a difficult time of year. I know after my Mum passed the lead up to these memorable days is heartbreaking and so hard. So hard to be joyous when inside your heart is in pieces. It has only been 6 weeks since my Dad passed. I miss him so much. Christmas without either of my parents. I’m shattered and broken. 

I’m thinking of you. I also know exactly what you’re going through. X

[BEQUET93]

Mercifully, I will be at work from 11pm on the 24th till 7am on the 25th. I have worked on Christmas for many years and they aren't always as busy as one might imagine for crisis services, which could be difficult. I will be mostly alone and quiet overnight hours will be too much opportunity to think. Mom was worried that her death would lead to me and my siblings drifitng apart, so I have requested that we spend at least a few of the daylight hours of Christmas Day together. I want to make that a new tradition, in honor of my mother. I gave her my word I wouldn't let the family become like strangers to one another. Best wishes to you all.

[MessyJessie]

I have two young children as well. I lost my mother Nov. I also know my mother would want us to carry on. It will be different but trying to remember the reason for the season. 

[Nayana]

Hey, I'm thinking about you. Christmas was never a big deal in our family, but it's still going to be the first one without my mom. I hope everyone here finds some moments of peace during the holidays.