How to eat?

[Rocky5678]

My fiancé passed on Saturday. Yesterday was the first I was able to eat. I’m struggling because cooking and meals were a major thing we shared. Cooking was always a team effort and we’d dance and sing in the kitchen while we cooked. 
 

we always made amazing meals with whatever we had and it was always on a whim. 
 

now I’m struggling to eat because it doesn’t feel right to cook without him. Even cereal was a production in our home and came with hugs and kisses. 
 

I have a friend coming this evening and we’re going out for a bite before the candle lit vigil (we will be as covid safe as we can but I need to get out and have friendship before the emotional journey begins) 

 

Going out frequently isn’t ideal or a responsible decision, and I am hoping there’s somebody who may be able to help me find a way to survive this nightmare. 
 

I have spoken to my dr to get a counseling referral but cannot go until the new year because of my insurance.
 

This whole week is a nightmare and I just want to wake up from it.

TYIA, 

Rocky 

[SharedLife]

I'm sorry for your loss. After my wife passed, I had no appetite for at least 2-3 weeks, but I knew I needed food, so I ate lightly (sandwiches, soup, etc.) and made sure I took multi vitamins. It's not easy to cook for one person, so I've pretty much stuck to the light stuff. I also bought some stuff from a meal delivery service. It's important for you to eat something...and take vitamins.

[LMR]

Rocky, I am so very sorry for your loss.  My own true love died 4 months ago. I barely ate at all for the first few weeks. I lost about 20 pounds. Just opening the door to the pantry was a problem for me, it was his food, not mine. He was the main chef, I was sous chef, he enjoyed cooking. There are spices in the cupboard bought for special meals but I know I will never make those meals again.

The only thing I could eat was cereal. He never liked cereal so it didn't make me cry like everything else did. When I eventually went out shopping I bought different food as much as possible. Quick things so thay I didn't need to spend time over it. I even had a microwave put in, something he was never interested in. 

He was in "recovery" at a nursing facility and I still have a bag of foods that were returned to me. I cannot even unpack that bag, the memories are so raw and painful.

I do hope eventually you will be able to enjoy cooking again. It is very early for you and sadly this is a very long road. 

[Diane R. E.]

I certainly identify with each of these posts! I couldn't eat hardly anything at first and lost weight. I still have food in the pantry and freezer that only my husband ate, but I can't bear to throw it out. I too had to change what I eat so it doesn't trigger anguish over the meals we used to make together. I also have appliances that I don't foresee ever using again. 

[LoveNeverDies]

I have no appetite too, I force myself to eat something everyday. It’s hard to even think about food when we are so depressed. 

[Maria_PI]

Thank you all for sharing in this thread! I can relate all too well, as my husband was the chef in the house, and everything in the kitchen was his contribution and to his taste. If it was left to me, we would eat microwave food. Which is what I have resorted to these days. The food topic is especially painful for me because as his cancer progressed he could hardly eat, he lost 40 lbs for the first month of chemo (the horrible hospital food didn’t help) and I felt so guilty not being able to cook something special for him to enjoy at least a little towards the end. The area is very rural and no decent take out. I just feel so ashamed and guilty about this it’s painful. And now I have a pantry full of spices and specialty sauces from around the world and have no idea or desire to use. For myself - if I could survive on vitamins, superfood powder and 90 seconds rice it would be fine by me. When I have no desire to eat I remind myself that my Love would be very sad and worried about me, and that gives me a bit of motivation to keep going.


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[jmmosley53]

Keep a supply of Ensure or some protein drink on hand.  You really need to make sure you do not neglect your health.  You have enough stress right now, getting run down and sick will only make things worse.

[Gail 8588]

My husband was the cook in our house.  But really after the boys were grown and out of the house, we ate out a lot. We lived in an area with many great restaurants, not fancy just really good. 

Coming up on 4 years after his death, I hardly ever cook.  Maybe scrambled eggs a few times a year.  I eat cereal for breakfast, a peanut butter or ham sandwich for lunch and microwave a frozen dinner.  Totally boring but sustains life. 

I do look forward to being able to eat in a restaurant next year. Hoping that by summertime we will be able to. 

[KayC]

Living alone the past 15 1/2 years I've learned some tricks to eating healthy with as little effort as possible, especially since I recently had surgery on one hand (not healed yet) and the other hand still needs it.

Buy a cooked chicken, keep salad on hand, cook bratwurst & then cauliflower rice in the drippings.  Keep brussells, broccoli, string beans on hand to stir fry with sausage.  Someday your desire to cook may return, but this will help meanwhile.  I also whip cream, mix low carb yogurt and a few berries & sweetener & eat some every day, very good for you and tasty.  I used to have kale smoothies every day but have since learned it's best to have food in it's whole form, but if you're having a hard time getting food down, it can help meanwhile.  I'm diabetic & trying to manage w/o Rxs so have to be careful of carbs (no rice, beans, pasta, potatoes).  I also try to avoid seed oils, using coconut oil or bacon.  Eggs are a must and I make chia cereal when I have to go somewhere as we have no restaurants open anymore and can't order fast food.  Keep cheese and nuts on hand and SF peanut butter (I grind my own).  I do Keto/low carb for my health, lost 72 lbs and holding steady.  My weight was fine before losing George but I didn't care what I ate after he died!  Now I'm older and trying to give myself quality of life being as we usually live into our 90s in my family.