Members AlisonC Posted December 9, 2020 Members Report Posted December 9, 2020 My Mum was diagnosed with dementia last year, although she is very tiny and frail, her dementia was in the early stages and apart from a bad memory she was still relatively fit for an 80 year old. I was very close to both my parents who have been together for almost 60 years. Visited them every Wednesday for dinner after I finished work. I hadn’t been to see them for 2 weeks due to the lockdown 2. She had a heart attack in the bathroom. My Dad found her collapsed and rang me. I live about a mile away. I got there in a few minutes and as I walked in my Mum was on the dining room floor being worked on. Her tiny frail lifeless body with 2 big paramedics doing CPR and the electric shock thing. She was pronounced dead at 4:22pm on the 21st November 2020. Her funeral was yesterday. I’m a mess, I’m still in total shock and in complete despair. My 3 older brothers live away, 2 in London and one in N.I. I was supposed to return back to work tomorrow. I can’t do it, I’m not ready.
Members reader Posted December 9, 2020 Members Report Posted December 9, 2020 Dear Alison, (((hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss. Our deepest sympathies and condolences. It's a terrible shock to lose a beloved parent. I hope your work has some bereavement leave. It would be understandable to take a least a few days to couple of weeks. Be kind and gentle to yourself during this sad and difficult time. Always know that everything you are feeling and thinking is normal and part of your grief. Try to lean on good friends and if possible reach out for support in the community or through chuch. Thinking of you and your family.
Members awiles16 Posted December 10, 2020 Members Report Posted December 10, 2020 It’s been a little over 3 weeks since I lost my dad. He was my best friend and i’m feeling very empty and numb. I’ve gone into work for a few short shifts but it always ends up being too much. Give yourself time and make sure to talk to others about it. Someday it’s supposed to get easier... now we just have to wait for that day. Thinking of you!
Members Monty Posted December 10, 2020 Members Report Posted December 10, 2020 Alison, please know that you are not alone. Like Reader said, I hope your work can offer you some bereavement leave. This is a difficult thing for you to process. My Dad also found my Mum on the bathroom floor but she passed from a brain aneurysm. I can relate to the kind of shock you are experiencing, the fog you feel like you are living in. It is suffocating and intense. If you are like me, you are replaying that afternoon over and over again in your mind. It is also difficult to work through your own grief as well as support your Dad. Remember to take time for you. Be kind to yourself. Seek support and do what works for you. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Members AlisonC Posted December 10, 2020 Author Members Report Posted December 10, 2020 3 hours ago, awiles16 said: It’s been a little over 3 weeks since I lost my dad. He was my best friend and i’m feeling very empty and numb. I’ve gone into work for a few short shifts but it always ends up being too much. Give yourself time and make sure to talk to others about it. Someday it’s supposed to get easier... now we just have to wait for that day. Thinking of you! I’m thinking of you too, sorry to hear about your Dad. I’m totally heartbroken. I keep hoping that all this is one messed up nightmare and my Mum is gonna walk back through the door. My heart is breaking for my Dad who has lost his wife of almost 60 years. I couldn’t go to work today, I’m still very much a complete mess, the slightest memory or trigger and I’m crying. I also had to have my Basset Hound who was 12 put to sleep the same day as my Mum died suddenly. At 4:30am we were at the emergency vets and just a few hours later I lost my Mum. How do I cope with double grief. 2 major losses in one day! I must be a terrible person to have deserved that.
Members awiles16 Posted December 10, 2020 Members Report Posted December 10, 2020 ohhh gosh no! don’t think that way... that’s a huge double whammy and i’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. my mom is having a hard time being alone now and i feel like i need to be there all the time but i’m also married and trying to coupe with my own feelings too so it’s all just a mess. an awful nightmare that i wish i could wake up from.
Members AlisonC Posted December 10, 2020 Author Members Report Posted December 10, 2020 15 minutes ago, awiles16 said: ohhh gosh no! don’t think that way... that’s a huge double whammy and i’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. my mom is having a hard time being alone now and i feel like i need to be there all the time but i’m also married and trying to coupe with my own feelings too so it’s all just a mess. an awful nightmare that i wish i could wake up from. I’m the same. I live a short distance away. I stayed at my parents place with my Dad for 2 weeks. In a way, it was also comforting for me to be there as I felt close to my Mum and I know my Dad needed me. I then went home overnight but still visited my dad during the day. I have my Husband and Son who also need me. I can’t bear the thought of my Dad being all alone at his place though, it breaks my heart. The past 3 weeks have been full on, the funeral was only 2 days ago. I feel as if reality is now kicking in. I am really not coping well and the future looks pretty grim. I’m back to work next week, full time. I won’t be able to nip in and check up on my Dad or grab a coffee with him. the pain is unbearable, it really is.
Members AlisonC Posted December 13, 2020 Author Members Report Posted December 13, 2020 I’m having a bad night. This pain of knowing my Mum has gone is unbearable. I can’t cope that I’ve lost her forever.
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